


It's What We Do in the Death.

by 1PB2PB3PB4



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben-centric, Gen, Groundhog Day, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Pre-Canon, Pre-Series, Season/Series 01, Temporary Character Death, Time Loop, Time Travel, major character death cos Ben, this is Klaus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:21:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 61,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24394924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1PB2PB3PB4/pseuds/1PB2PB3PB4
Summary: Ben dies at age 16 on the polished, but blood covered floor of a bank, ripped apart by the Horror.The next day- or the same day? The same thing happens once more.And again.He always dies at age 16, it's what happens while he's dead that seems to change.Groundhog day time loop, but not quite, should hopefully meet up once more with canon.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Diego Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Eudora Patch, Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 139
Kudos: 224





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if there are any grammar/tense/spelling errors. I'm going to try and update semi-regularly but we'll see.
> 
> Was thinking about groundhog day timeloops- specifically ones that reset on death, and also Klaus' seeming potential immortality within canon. Also wanted to try and write something a bit more Ben-centric, because who knows, we get so little of him.
> 
> Warnings- drug use, overdoses, suicide, and temporary/repeated character death

_Loop 0, Original Time Line._

It hurts, it hurts so badly he can’t think, he can barely muster up the thoughts to be terrified over the pain of his stomach tearing itself apart as the Horror tries to escape, to launch itself on the others, bank robbers, in the room. Klaus is cowering, terrified of the men, or of the Horror, or of Ben, Ben doesn’t know. There’s a lot of red, and a lot of screaming, and not all of it is from him. Klaus is too terrified to speak it seems, eyes screwed tightly shut, and he can hear Diego rounding the corner, uniform shoes squeaking on the polished floor. He starts shouting as soon as he enters the room, shouting for Luther, and Allison, and help, and _anyone please anyone_ , Ben doesn’t really hear this though, he starts to drift off. Diego bends over him, starts speaking to him, telling him it’ll be ok, the robbers have all been taken down, muttering assurances mixed in with shouting at Klaus to keep his eyes shut. To stop being useless. To stay back. To _go_ , go _do_ something or get help.

Ben doesn’t know if Klaus went and got help, or someone else did. He’s drifted off by this point, and entered the awaiting dark.

* * *

He’s dead? Or not dead? Or what? He’s thinking, is he thinking. Distantly he hears what he thinks is Klaus crying.

Are they in a bathroom? Why would they be in a bathroom....

It seems familiar…

Time passes.

It’s the bathroom at the academy, well, one of them. What? He was in a bank, wasn’t he?

It’s very quiet.

Ben thinks that’s a needle on the floor. It’s not a secret Klaus does drugs, not really.

Why is Ben here though? _Is_ he here? He thought he’d died there, on the floor in the bank…

Oh god, he’d died, he’d died, he’d died, he’d died. But no. he was _here,_ he was thinking, right? Right?!

Klaus really _was_ very quiet. Maybe he wasn’t here after all. It certainly looked like him lying there, shaking a bit.

Wait- shaking a bit? What, that seemed bad? What should he- what?

Before he could think on it any more once again Ben felt himself being sucked into the darkness.

Distantly he thought he heard the voice of a little girl,- but too old to be Allison or Vanya… She sounded irritated.

“For real? Hargreeves has gone _already_ , alright, alright, here’s what we’re gonna do…”

The blackness swallowed him up completely again as the little girl who couldn’t have been there continued to talk.


	2. Getting a Clue: Part 1

_Loop 1_

Ben felt himself hit the ground with a thud. He blinked, incredibly disoriented- was he still dead? Was it all in his head? Why did he keep _moving_ all over the place? What…, what was going on?

“Number 6 that was a shameful display. To be beaten so easily and quickly, and not even by Number 1. You need to be able to rely on fighting skills other than your powers.” The voice does little to aid his confusion. Why on earth is his father here? He’s never there, other than for training- but he would remember being in the middle of training wouldn’t he? Surely he would. He tunes back in, opening his eyes to see Diego’s face looming over him, but not willing to offer him a hand up in front of their father.

“Number 2 and 6, continue sparring until dinner, I expect an accurate score, I shall go and oversee the training of Numbers 3 and 4 until then. Try to improve, what if there were to be a mission.” With that their father turned around a left.

Ben shook his head, trying to shake off the feeling of de ja vu, he was certain this is what had happened the day before. Training, though, most days at the academy were highly repetitive so he didn’t think it was much to notice, besides, he’d not done so badly he felt at his last training.

“Are y-youu alright?” Diego asked, seemingly concerned- unusual, he knew Diego cared about them, but he wasn’t normally so open about it. “I didn’t want to hit you that hard…” he trailed off squinting at Ben, “D’ya want s-sit out? We can make up a score for dad? I mean obviously we’ll say I won most of them, but m-m-.” Here Diego scowled, evidently trying to get the word out “ _Maybe_ we can give you one victory?”

That was more like Diego, he sighed, and then nodded, not even protesting Diego’s over estimation of his own skills, still too shaken by whatever had just happened. Or not happened, merely imagined. It was too weird. Surely he hadn’t died, _surely_. Diego’s still giving him a weird look, and has a weird twist to his face like he wants to say something but is struggling to spit it out.

Ben never does find out what it is that Diego may, or may not have said because next thing the mission alarm is going off. Just like it did- yesterday? In his weird fever dream? Ben’s still not sure to be honest, but on reflex he gets up and goes to get his mask and assemble with his siblings in the courtyard.

He stands on the end, next to Klaus because, well, because Five’s gone now. This makes it very easy to sneak a glance at Klaus however and see how sober he looks. This is not because of what he imagined last night or earlier or whatever, it’s not, because that wasn’t real. But maybe it can’t hurt to check. He looks fine, not happy, but Klaus and Ben have never really liked missions, especially not after Five disappeared. Klaus must have seen him looking because he gives him an eyeroll and a grimace, but doesn’t say anything because dad’s right in front of them and it’s not worth it. They both start to pay proper attention when he lists off the details of the mission however, while they might hate missions, it’s good to know what you’re getting yourself into. They’ve been injured before- _only injured_ \- he reminds himself when his mind thinks of being torn apart. Only injured. But something can’t be right- _it can’t_ . Because when dad starts to explain the mission it sounds painfully familiar, bank robbers in the Left-City bank, hostages the _usual_ \- but it’s the same bank as yesterday. It could be the repetitiveness of their lives- but what robbers would go after a bank that was robbed the day before- and how or why would Ben _dream_ up a robbery of the same bank, one that ended in his death. It’s got to be de ja vu, or him putting the wrong name to the bank. It _has_ to, what else could it possibly be?

He can feel himself shaking the entire way to the bank, Luther takes one look at him and immediately confirms the plan of him staying back with Klaus on look out- but to be prepared to come in if the Horror is needed. Ben nods, and leans back against the wall with eyes shut in an attempt to steady himself.

It will be okay. It will. It has to be- it…

He opens his eyes, suddenly, desperately terrified. He’ll make sure it’s okay, he’ll make sure he and Klaus aren’t cornered this time- he’ll go after Luther and Diego… No. That will just bring the Horror into contact with the robbers, and he doesn’t trust himself to keep it contained. He’ll just make sure to hide Klaus and himself somewhere, far away from any conflict. Okay, okay.

One snag.

Klaus is gone.

Breath catching he runs off down the corridor, in the direction he vaguely remembers having gone down in what is seeming increasingly less like a fever dream and more like a kind of prophetic vision- and that’s just what he needs. More powers for dad to manipulate. 

He gets there just as Klaus opens his mouth to start screaming and he freezes, terrified and unsure of what to do. His father’s words of needing to be able to rely on fighting skills other than the Horror flow back to him and he’s not sure what to do.

Klaus isn’t much good in a fight, and he’s currently cowering behind the desk in an attempt at shelter. A wave comes over him and the Horror is released without consciously doing it. He’s not sure whether he desperately wants to keep it in or let it out, but before he can really think about it pain overcomes him once more.

He feels like his stomach is being torn in two, he himself is being torn apart. He’s not sure how much time passes, Klaus cowering in a corner with his eyes shut, the familiar squeak of uniform shoes on polished floor comes in, and once more it’s Diego, knives in hand coming to help too late.

“ _Help”_ he sobs, “Help, I think it’s killing me”, this time unlike- last time? In his vision? He is able to speak. He doesn’t know _what_ he wants Diego to do, just that he wants him to do _something._

Diego throws one of his knives at a protruding tentacle, it does nothing, but in its rage the Terror pulls him apart and before all goes black there is a tremendous splattering of red.

* * *

_Loop 2_   
  


Once again Ben feels himself come back together again in dips and starts.

Is this Klaus’ room? Why is he here? Not the infirmary or his own room, he tries to speak out, but can’t seem to focus. He drifts out once more.

He comes back again, this time feeling more… not solid. More coherent perhaps, though thinking still feels fuzzy. He’s in the bathroom now, the same one as last time? Klaus is crying again. Ben feels like maybe he should comfort him.

He’s not sure, he’s not sure what’s going on or...

He drifts out again.

When he comes back again Klaus is staring right at him, rabbit eyed, as he raises his head.

“No.” His brother mutters, “No, no, no no, nonononononononononono. Not Ben, I don’t want Ben to be like that.” 

He looks terrified, and sick, and scared, and sad, and with fumbling fingers his brother injects himself the needle he’s holding. It’s probably drugs, Ben thinks numbly. He reaches out to stop him, but his fingers pass uselessly through Klaus’ arms.

It hits him. He’s dead. He looks down at himself, and instantly recoils back, shutting his eyes. He looks like he did when he died- he assumes. He’s covered in blood, but he’s so mangled, he doesn’t really resemble a human. _Klaus can see him like this_ , he horrifyingly realises. He opens his mouth to assure Klaus that it’s _ok_. But he thinks it’s too late. Klaus has joined the land of the stoners, and his concoction to his powers dwindles as he gets high. As Ben feels himself once more becoming unconnected, like he had in Klaus’ bedroom he wonders if this is what it is like to cease to exist.

He’s still vaguely there though, maybe. Not quite sure.

It’s very quiet for a while, once Klaus stops sobbing.

Then like last night, Klaus starts shaking, twitching and frothing at the mouth- Ben’s scared. It doesn’t seem right- is he, is Klaus reacting- over-dosing, vomiting- he doesn’t know. He can’t help, he’s not real.

Klaus, he thinks… It’s getting harder to concentrate, he feels far less real.

He lies there in tandem with his brother wishing someone would come in and help.

Then it all goes black.

* * *

_Loop 3_   
  


As Ben came back to himself he hit the ground with a thud- Diego had just struck him across the face. Above him he distantly heard his father comment disapprovingly on his performance. 

“Number 6 that was a shameful display. To be beaten so easily and quickly, and not even by Number 1. You need to be able to rely on fighting skills other than your powers.” 

Despite himself, Ben couldn’t help but agree- if he could fight without the horror, then maybe he wouldn’t be… well, wouldn’t be here. Despite the horror and shock of seeing what he believes was Klaus dying in front of him, and his own horrific death twice now, he was filled with no small amount of hope. It seemed he was still alive- just shortly before the mission, with another chance to prevent it all from going so badly wrong.

When Diego asks if Ben’s ok, he just nods and squares up for another round, desperate to get as much training in as possible before the mission. A small part of him wants to tell Diego, or ask for help. But he’s worried this might be a new power developing, foresight, or time travel or what, and he doesn’t want it used and exploited like the horror, like all of their powers. Diego might make big talk about hating their father, but Ben doesn’t quite trust him to keep his mouth shut.

He thinks of Klaus though.

“Diego, have you,” He stopped, sighed again, “I’m worried about Klaus, he’s using drugs.”

Diego gives him a look like he’s just said something patently obvious, which he supposes he has, but this is _important_. He’s died twice, and doesn’t want to make it a third, but he also doesn’t want to watch his brother die again before whatever that seems to be happening happens once more.

“I think we should check on him more often, I don’t think he’s coping very well with.” Ben paused thinking of something to say, “with Five.” he settled on saying. “Just, check on him? Please?”

Diego looks at him, slightly suspiciously, but nods. He has a big brother instinct despite them being the same age, Ben guesses that between the seven of them they needed some kind of ranking and had gone with the numbers. He feels slightly better now. But still anxious about the upcoming mission, and anxiety which only increases as the mission alarm blares.

As they line up he turns to Klaus and mutters, “don’t run off”.

Klaus gives an eye roll and a nod, and Ben prays it will be enough.

Newsflash. It’s not.

The mission at the bank plays off much the same as before, but this time despite Ben pairing up Allison and Klaus to prevent the robbers going after Klaus, the robbers are still there. He didn’t think of that.

It plays off as before, but this time, while Diego is still the one to find him, he thankfully does not attempt to throw a knife at the horror, and cause more agonising pain. In fact, Diego doesn’t seem to know what to do at all as he arrives. Ben cries and screams and knows it will be over soon. He just hopes, dreads, he’ll get another chance.

* * *

  
  


He feels like he comes back quicker this time, staring at Klaus as he sits on the bed. He feels a coherency he hadn’t felt until the bathroom last time.

“Klaus.”

Klaus looks up screeches, and runs out of the room, grabbing a pile from his bed as he does so. Resigned Ben looks down and sees himself still covered in blood and guts and. Well, maybe it’s not the best time for him to go following Klaus just yet. He goes to watch his siblings instead, especially Diego hoping he’ll go after Klaus. While Ben is sure he’ll wake up again in the morning, or yesterday morning, alive once more it doesn’t mean he wants to see Klaus suffer.

He returns once more to Klaus’ room, and lays on his brother’s bed, wondering what to do differently next time. Down the corridor he hears Diego’s door bang and the sound of footsteps towards the bathroom. Well, that’s one good thing he guesses. He wonders how long it will take for time to reset this go round.

Klaus doesn’t return to his room all night, and when Ben goes to check he’s not in the bathroom either, eventually he finds him in Diego’s room, the two brothers huddling together, just as Allison and Luther are. He feels sad that even in grief Vanya is left alone.

When morning breaks he’s glad Klaus has made it through the night, and seemingly sobered up because he can feel himself thinking once more, the fuzzy feeling gone.

He blames it on the fuzzy feeling that he didn't realise that he was still dead come morning. Time had yet to reset. He’d never made it this long before, and panic began to overtake him as he wondered if perhaps this time he was going to stay dead.

What was happening? What was going to happen? He didn’t want to be dead, he didn’t want to be dead. He didn’t want to be _dead_.

  
  


In another place a little girl said: “Fucking finally we can move on. Hargreeves just really wants to be dead huh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know what you thought! Constructive criticism is great, and please also let me know if I was unclear in what was going on and you were confused


	3. Getting a Clue: Part 2

_Still Loop 3_

He’s still not alive the next day, and the next week. He’s too scared to talk to Klaus, whether it's fear of acknowledging his death, or potentially traumatising his brother further with his ghastly appearance he doesn’t want to think about.

Their father orders a statue to be built to commemorate him, and around him his siblings fall apart, the cracks created by Five’s disappearance torn apart by his death. He and his siblings were always slightly prone to creating little groups, Allison and Luther in particular, but they’d seemed less strong. Now in the aftermath of his… well the timeline not having reset yet, Allison and Luther have clumped, as have Diego and Klaus, and Vanya has been left on her own.

He mostly sits on Vanya’s bed, wishing he could talk to her, to say goodbye. His siblings and father keep pressuring Klaus to try to summon him, but by the sounds of it they seem to feel Klaus is too drunk, or high, to do so. It’s concerning news. And he hates that he can’t talk to his siblings or give them any closure, but it’s _fine._ Because this is just temporary, he’s sure, maybe it just gets longer each time? It _will_ reset soon. He’s sure of it, because it has to. He can’t be dead, he can’t, he’s far too young. 

That’s also partially why he doesn’t go to Klaus, he doesn’t need to see his blood soaked and mangled brother- even if he won’t remember it when time resets ( _because it will_ ). Even if he feels guilty for making Klaus think he can’t summon him, or Ben doesn’t want to talk. He does. It’s just there’s no need if it’s temporary right? He’s glad Diego seems to be keeping an eye on Klaus in the meantime though. He can feel Klaus’ moods though, he’s definitely here because of Klaus’ powers, and they’re spiralling in and out, and Ben keeps getting flashes of coherency amongst intense floatiness, which gradually morphs into a more grounded sense of self. Ben thinks he probably has Diego to thank for that.

However as the days stretch on, and eventually become a fortnight, Ben realises he might have to face the reality that he’s _not coming back_. When he first, honestly sits down and addresses this to himself he misses his ability to cry and cry and cry. He’s grateful in a twisted way that he doesn’t need to breathe, because he’s sure that otherwise he would be suffocating in his desire for air.

He’s _sixteen_ , and he is a statue, and a message (a warning) from his father to his siblings about staying in line. Thankfully his siblings generally seem to take him as a warning for something else, and they slowly start making and talking about their plans to leave one by one. Vanya wants to college to study music and starts to make her applications. Then that makes Diego start making noise about police academies, and Ben knows Allison’s always wanted to go to Hollywood.

It would be too much to hope that Luther would see how toxic that house is and ever leave- not that Ben knows. Klaus clears off shortly after Vanya first mentions college, around a month after- after the erection of his statue. Klaus has no plans, Ben can say for sure.

Unfortunately it seems Ben is tethered to Klaus- which makes sense. So now they’re on the streets with no plan together. 

Yeah that goes well.

A burgeoning drug problem, your ghostly mutilated brother following you everywhere, and homelessness are an amazing combination. Ben tries to get away when he can, not see his brother waste his chance at life, not when Diego and Vanya and Allison are trying to make something of it. Not when _Ben was robbed_ of any kind of chance.

He’s staring at a non-descript wall in some shitty alley when it starts to happen. He’s drifting, in and out. But not in the drug way?

He doesn’t _think_ it’s in the drug way...

What does he think th-

It all goes dark.

* * *

_Loop 4_   
  


Pain fills his skull as he hits the ground. Diego is standing over him, and Reginald is criticising his technique. He doesn't care though. This is his chance. It’s reset- _it’s reset_.

A grin stretches out over his face and he bounds to his feet and reaches to hug Diego- not a great move. He narrowly avoids a knife, probably only due to the watchful eye of their father, but he barely cares. He has another chance to live his life. This time he’ll do it right. He’s had a while to plan after all.

Unfortunately, when he said a while, he meant a while. He gets to the bank and he can’t remember where the robbers came from, and he can’t remember what time they came from where. His plan was to stick with the others- Diego always came too late and it never worked, so he chooses to stick with Luther and Allison. He gives Klaus to Diego, saying that leaving Klaus behind as a look out is a security risk. He doesn’t say who for.

His plan works, he doesn’t get ripped apart from the inside, Allison quickly and efficiently rumours the criminals into compliance. Diego and Klaus come over from the other section of the bank, and Ben could cry, because mission accomplished, and they’re all still _alive_.

Unfortunately his genius new plan hadn’t accounted for the robbers that had ambushed him or Klaus in all the previous timelines. It’s quick and painless in comparison which is a relief to being torn apart, they’re all shot in quick time. But as he feels himself slipping away, he can’t help but cry that it’s so unfair. That’s his last coherent thought.

He stares at the top of Klaus’ head as his brother bleeds out, the only one still moving. Then he wonders why he has a standing perspective….

Seems odd, pretty sure he was lying down…

How is he standing up now?

Klaus stops moving and the dark over takes him completely.

* * *

_Loop 5_

Diego belts him in the face once more, and Ben swears if he ever has another reset he’s going to go into it blocking because Jesus. It hurts. While their father goes on again about technique Ben desperately thinks of what he can do to avoid the mission, or to prevent it going wrong.

If he shouts for help before the robbers arrive then maybe Diego will get there in time? Or will that just draw the men upon them faster? Maybe if he forewarns Klaus? What can the two of them do that doesn’t involve drawing upon the Horror to save them. Ben can feel deep within himself that bringing out the Horror in the bank will bring nothing but pain and his death, and he can’t die again. Especially not when he has no clue when, or if he’ll get another chance, the system behind the resets seemed so erratic.

Eventually, the journey over to the bank, seeming both so long and so fast, was completed, and Ben had what he thought may be a plan. It started off as it had the majority of times, with himself and Klaus left behind while the others went off, with their more useful, or less destructive powers, to apprehend the robbers and protect the hostages.

Ben breathed steadily, keeping a firm grip on Klaus, timing in his head what he hoped was long enough for Diego to do whatever he had done in all the previous timelines before letting out a loud scream to attract attention. Downside it definitely attracted the attention of the second group who lurked around the entrance. Still screaming Ben threw himself into one of the offices and hunkered down behind a desk. He prayed it would provide sufficient shelter from any gunfire until Diego, and hopefully Allison and Luther could get to them.

In the office, this time Ben couldn’t hear the hopeful squeaking of Diego’s shoes, especially not over the hail of bullets, but the barrier of the door seemed to be sufficient to convince the Horror to remain within his stomach this time around. It wasn’t enough though.

“Klaus we need to barricade the door, we need to push the desk!” 

He was so close to making it through this time, he was sure, just needed to make sure he kept the robbers at bay. As he peeped up, he saw a knife hurtling down the corridor, a sure fire signal of Diego’s arrival. Soon enough, all the robbers were taken down, and the desk was in place.

Ben collapsed down, sobbing with relief, the mission was over and he was still alive. Just to make sure he’d stay here for a bit though, not wanting a repeat of last time. He glanced over to Klaus to share his relief and froze.

Klaus was bleeding, badly. Very badly. He must have been shot when they were shifting the desk.

“Klaus? Klaus! No, no!” he shouted desperately at his brother, his shouts attracting Diego over- but his other brother was unable to enter due to the impromptu barricade they had set up.

Ben stood frozen, it wasn’t meant to end like this. He was meant to have won! He stood unsure of what to do, of how to help his brother, or to shift the desk or… or …

His head was swimming, he felt like he might faint.

But he wasn’t hurt himself; he was sure of it…

He was _sure_ …

The darkness overtook him again anyway.

* * *

Little girls don’t care how sure you are, nor do they care if you’re right.


	4. Getting a Clue: Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben tries something a little different but it doesn't quite work as he expected.

_Loop 6_

Ben comes back blocking this time, and consequently does not get a resounding hit to the face. There is no comment from their father either, but Ben barely notices. His thoughts are running so fast and he doesn’t know what to think. Had he too become injured last time? Had he somehow not noticed, stranger things have happened in his life he supposes, but still…

He’s been stuck in his head, thinking it over, for too long- he doesn’t notice Diego winding up for another attack, they’re both still under the attentive and dismissive eye of their father. This time his brother hits him right in the stomach, utterly winding him; Ben falls backwards gasping.

“That was not nearly good enough Number 6,” Dad intones, “Number 2 and 6, continue sparring until dinner, I expect an accurate score, I shall go and oversee the training of Numbers 3 and 4 until then. Try to improve, what if there were to be a mission.” he continues. With that their father turns around as to leave, and an idea hits Ben.

He’s more together this time, so he can’t count on Diego’s sympathy like he’s been able to many of the times before- this time Ben himself makes the offer:

“Do you want to just make up a score, will he really notice? What’s even the worst that can happen?”

Diego does not look particularly convinced, a mix of confusion and something else on his face- and his eyes keep darting off to their father retreating in the distance, he opens his mouth.

“Be- Ben.” he starts, but Ben really doesn’t have _time_ to wait for whatever Diego wants and is trying to say.

“Look, if he doesn’t notice we’ll have gotten one over him, and if he does then it shows that we can do what we want, we’re not drones!” he’s getting close to shouting, but trying to control his volume so that they’re not overheard. He adds one more point to sweeten the deal, “We’ll say you beat me 3-1? Just so he doesn’t get too suspicious.”

It’s _Diego_ who looks a little bit suspicious now at Ben giving up so many of his victories, but he nods, once, and then Ben’s off. He runs to the one sibling he hasn’t been able to speak to at all since this whole _thing_ , began.

Vanya.

* * *

He finds his favourite sister, in her room, practicing her violin- excluded from training with the rest of them. He just watches her for a moment, waiting for her to take notice of him, and when she does, he gives a small smile and wave, before moving to enter the room.

As he does so, Vanya slowly puts down her violin and Ben seized this opportunity to grab her in a hug, and just hold on and cry. He knows he must be confusing her a great deal, but he doesn’t care. He misses her, and if his plan works, well things will be different around here.

“Ben? Don’t you have training until dinner? I have violin practice until dinner, so I’d think you’d have training, why aren’t you at training? Ben?” She paused slightly to look up at him, and then in confusion asked, “Ben? Are you crying? I don’t know...”

Still hugging her tight, Ben shook his head,

“No, no, it’s ok, it’s all going to be ok. You don’t need to worry about me, I’m going to be fine today.” He sniffled a little, but when he let go and stepped back, he’d stopped crying, and felt a little better.

“You’re really good at the violin, you know, Vanya.” It’s true- she is.

Vanya just lets out a small smile and looks as if to go disagree. Whatever she would have said is a mystery however, because they are soon interrupted by the obnoxious blaring of the mission alert siren.

This is where the important part of his plan comes in.

Ben swallows, takes a deep breath, and rubs his sweating palms across his thighs. He does not get up to go- despite Vanya shooting him increasingly pushy looks.

“There’s a _mission_ Ben! You need to- you’ve got to- dad will be coming-” she says insistently, a small tinge of fear and- is that jealousy? in her tone.

Ben simply shakes his head, no. It’s not long until their father does indeed come up to find him, he hears the door to his room open and the shout of his name- not his name, his _number_ , but Ben doesn’t say a word. He wants to buy as much time as possible for his plan to work.

After forty-six seconds Vanya cracks.

“Ben’s in my room,” she calls timidly, shooting him an apologetic look. Footsteps approach, and Ben steels his resolve.

“I’m not going on the mission.” there, done, simple, and plain as fact. Too bad he doesn’t think his father will accept that without a fight, but that’s also what he’s counting on. He is _not_ going on this mission- he doesn’t care if he has to pull a Klaus and climb out of his bedroom window this same night- he’s said his goodbyes to Vanya. He wants to _live_ , and he doesn’t see why that seems so selfish. Why is his life so much less important! He’s sixteen, and he’s been torn apart and shot, it’s not _fair_. Hearing Diego, and Allison, and Vanya all talk about their own plans for their futures- even Klaus getting out of the academy- it’s opened a sense of jealousy deep within him. He is done. Finished. He will not be going on another mission, _ever,_ again.

“Number 6, the mission is the sole purpose of this academy and what you have trained your powers for. You will cease this childish foolishness at once- assemble in the courtyard immediately.” Reginald barely sounds angry- he sounds irritated like Ben is a stupid little child, barely worth his time- they never have been not really. But this is Ben’s _survival_ they’re talking about here. He doesn’t care how his _father_ treats him; he just wants out.

For the first time in his life- first time any of his siblings since Five vanished, he says no- and he argues back against his father.

“You can say what you want, I’m not going. What are you going to do- personally drag me kicking and screaming into the bank?! I don’t think so. I’m not _going_ , I will _not_ go.” Here Ben pauses to pull out his trump card- just in case his father does start to seriously consider dragging his protesting son.

“Time is crucial on missions, right? It’s been what, twenty minutes since the alarm went off? You’re already likely to be late, keep arguing with me and we’ll definitely not make it on time, no precious news for you.”

Fear and anger, and hope that maybe, just maybe, he’ll get to live help to bolster him against his father- giving him a confidence he’d never otherwise have, and still barely feels to defy his father. He keeps his face blank, praying his father won’t pull his bluff.

A pause.

Dad doesn’t pull his bluff.

“Number 6 this childish behaviour will not be tolerated. I shall leave now for the good of the mission, but on my return, there will be _consequences_. Perhaps some special training with your powers would be in order to better equip you for missions.” His father’s voice is impossibly cold, and he waits ever so slightly after he has finished speaking, as if offering Ben, the chance to change his mind and be forgiven.

Ben doesn’t take it. He knows things his father doesn’t, and he oh so desperately just wants to live.

As he watches his father’s retreating back, he can feel Vanya staring incredulously and fearfully at him, Ben feels a fair bit of fear himself. But he’s done it, he’s sure of it.

Now he just needs to get out of this house, and get a plan, before the mission ends and they come back. Vanya can pass on any messages, and he’s sure his siblings will understand. He thinks about money available in the house but draws a blank- all he can think of is his allowance. He runs to his room to grab a bag and pack as many of his clothes as he thinks is reasonable to carry before going down to the kitchens to stuff his bag full of the food kept in the house.

On his way to the kitchen from his room he brushes past Vanya, staring at the large painting of Five. She doesn’t turn to look at him as he bumps into her, but he can still tell what she’s thinking. That he’s going to be the second brother to run away and disappear ( ~~die~~ ). He won’t be though.

He won’t be like Five, he has a plan.

He’s running away _with clothes and food_.

He’s sixteen- not _thirteen_.

He wonders if maybe his plan is not so well thought through after all, he’s briefly seen what life on the street was like for Klaus. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to stay?

Memories of his father’s words come back to him. _Perhaps some special training with your powers would be in order to better equip you for missions._ He doesn’t want to use his powers _ever_ again, he doesn’t trust the _monster_ in his stomach one, little, bit.

He nods, resolve sealed.

After grabbing everything that he thought would keep from the kitchen, he checks his watch to calculate how much time he has left- by his estimation his siblings would have just about arrived at the bank. He has time to say goodbye to Vanya.

He finds her in her room, fingers on her violin but her bow lying limp at her side staring straight ahead.

“Vanya…” he starts, she doesn’t look up or acknowledge him at all. He pauses, then starts again.

“Vanya, I’m going, I, I can’t stay here. I’ll come back though! Maybe, or we could meet at Griddy's? In a week?” still no noticeable reaction, though maybe her fist has clenched a little around her bow.

“I,” he pauses, their family has never been one for sentimentality, but this is _important_. “I love you; I love all of you, and I really hope for the best.” He can feel himself crying now, tears wetting his cheeks. Casting a look at Vanya he can see she is struggling to keep her face blank and composed, but her eyes are still dry.

“I don’t want to go, I want to come back, I…” he trails of unsure,

“Then _don’t go_ ,” Vanya says, “You can stay! You shouldn't have refused to go on the mission in the first place! If _I_ had, your powers I would _help_ people with them! It’s your fault!” here Ben can start to notice the sob in her voice, and he wants to stay all of a sudden, he really does but.

“I _can’t_. I really really can’t Vanya.” He’s full out sobbing now, as he turns to leave. He pauses briefly at Five’s portrait. Wish me luck, he thinks, and then he’s stepping out the door. He looks at his watch- the mission should be over around now; he really has to go.

As he steps out the door the world starts spinning in and out of focus, and he begins to feel himself slide away…

But?!

_He’s_ not injured or hurt, why?

He thinks it’s resetting.

The blackness takes over.

* * *

In a different place at the same time another sixteen-year-old boy also enters the darkness. Ambushed by bank robbers, and with no brother with an inter-dimensional monster to protect him this other boy dies. He never gets to hear the squeaking of his brother’s shoes coming to help, he’s gone too quickly for that.

Somewhere else, a little girl groans in irritation.


	5. Getting a Clue: Part 4

_Loop 7_

Ben thinks he’s starting to get a clue, maybe these resets aren’t coming in without rhyme or reason. It takes another, relatively inconsequential loop for him to realise the answer for real though.

It’s not _his_ death, or any kind of inconsequential matters of fate which trigger the reset.

It’s _Klaus’_.

It makes sense the more he thinks about- why he had that one loop that lasted for about a month, with ghostly him just, well ghosting about. Why it seemed to reset even when he hadn’t died. It also gives him the horrifying realisation that if he doesn’t go on the mission Klaus will die.

The choice of who to live is between the two of them, but not _really_. Fate’s clearly decided the cards are in favour of Klaus. Ben wants to rage, it’s so _unfair_ , to have the chance to relive his death- to be able to change it! But not really. Because this “Second chance” isn’t about him, not really. No, it’s about his _brother_.

It’s not that he wants Klaus dead, just… he doesn’t want to be dead _either_.

It takes him a few more resets to really iron out all the kinks in the whole mission and keeping Klaus alive thing.

The first few times he tries ways of trying to ensure they both live- he doesn’t go on the mission, but he asks, begs Klaus to stick with Diego, or Diego to stick with Klaus, or Klaus not to hang around so he’s a target.

It never works, time always resets before his siblings get back. 

He doesn’t have much time to work with- he only ever has about twenty minutes before the alarm goes off, and it can be less depending on his fight with Diego.

Eventually he concedes he will have to go on the mission- and he will have to get torn apart.

The first few times he forgets to remind Diego to check in on Klaus and his drug use in the brief period of time he has while still _alive_. 

Time resets by morning when he forgets.

The next thing on his list is to work out how, to well. How to make him less frightening to Klaus, a big one is to make sure Diego doesn’t get to stab the Horror. That tends to make things go far, far worse. Another is to make sure that where possible Klaus doesn’t see him die. He doesn’t want any of his siblings to see that, unfortunately _someone_ has to find him, and that’s Diego.

Diego’s tough though. Or that’s what Ben tells himself to make him feel better.

But anyway, it’s important that he doesn’t look too horrific, because once time reset because he appeared when Klaus was sitting on his windowsill and he shrieked and fell out backwards because he was so terrified. Ben doesn’t want to be responsible for that.

He also notices that each time he resets he comes back quicker as a ghost and comes back with a fuller awareness ‘til eventually he’s cropping up in Klaus’ room presumably just after debriefing, feeling fully coherent.

But as he said, he does try to avoid Klaus, especially in the early days, even if he feels bad and guilty as Klaus desperately tries to summon him, as their siblings beg Klaus to summon him, knowing that he’s already there.

He does show up when his siblings ask a few times in the early days, but he sees what it does to Klaus, and the timeline resets pretty soon. Drugs, windows, homelessness, running away ahead of schedule- Klaus will die. So he realises he’s not meant to show up until after his siblings stop asking, once they give up, once Klaus starts seriously drinking, and he feels himself lose some of his coherency- but he’s still there, kind of. The drinking seems to have less impact on Ben over time.

Once the clamours to summon Ben die down, he does start appearing to Klaus- but only when he’s sober, so, not often. He feels himself change somewhat when he’s sober. It’s not every loop- but sometimes he feels himself appear to be as he was when alive. Or rather- whole and not bloody.

Later after some trial and error he realises it’s the times when Klaus doesn’t see his body- which suggests that Klaus has some control over him, his form, and his presence. Which is… a bit chilling. He doesn’t _think_ he’s like the other ghosts though. Not really.

So that’s the main step plan for getting through the beginning, spend his twenty minutes alive making sure Diego knows to check Klaus’ drug use and that Klaus doesn’t seem him die. Watch his brother spiral until his siblings give up on asking him to talk to Ben. Make slow contact with Klaus, when sober until he looks normal. Don’t tell him anything.

Once he told Klaus that he was in a time loop that reset when Klaus died, that’s how he knew Klaus would be able to fix his form to one, less bloody. Klaus had looked horrified, apologised, and promptly jumped off the roof to “fix things for you Benny.”

_Not again_.

If Ben does everything right, then he can get all the steps done before Klaus leaves the academy. Klaus is not good at living on the streets. Ben has many chances. To give his brother some credit, Ben has picked up a lot in watching Klaus fail. But well. Sleeping in a ditch while it’s raining? Really? For fuck’s sake Klaus.

He tries to convince Klaus to sneak back into the academy sometimes- it’s for his own selfish reasons as much for Klaus benefit. He wants to be able to see his siblings. Ben stops pushing so much once Vanya goes to college though- and there’s no way on earth Ben could convince Klaus to go back once Diego leaves for the police academy.

So that’s it, Ben has a rhythm going, now he just needs to keep his idiot, drugged up brother alive while he lives on the streets. Not just because he doesn’t want Klaus to die- though sometimes he feels like it’s deserved- Klaus gets _all these chances_ and just keeps wasting them. No. Ben has no desire to die again, to be ripped apart, and to relive his most traumatic memories.

He’s always around Klaus, but he would bet anything Klaus does not find him particularly sympathetic. That’s alright, Ben doesn’t feel particularly sympathetic at most times.

Rehab becomes his mantra. If he can keep Klaus out of the streets, and the drugs out of Klaus then maybe he won’t have to go back to being sixteen and dying on the polished floor of a bank.

It’s not worth telling Klaus what he’s given up to help him, and be here as a ghost, what he’s had to go through. It just makes Klaus guilty and then the loop resets and Ben has to _fucking die again_. No, he doesn’t tell Klaus.

Ben tries to guide Klaus in the right direction and to avoid making mistakes he’d made in the past. It’s tiring and tedious and repetitive, and Ben is sick of it. It feels like a very cruel punishment.

There is a rhythm to the early days though, and Ben is just bobbing helplessly along in it. The only interesting changeable factor in the mess of early homelessness is Diego. Diego who seems to want to help his brother, but gets fed up and _can leave_ , when Ben is _stuck_ here for eternity. Stuck with the one brother who seems to want to destroy his life and while the others are trying to make something of themselves.

Well maybe it’s better than Luther.

At least Luther wouldn’t be dying all the time though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the first section done, I have some of the second and third sections done, but they seem to keep getting bigger and I don't want to start posting them until at least the second section is finished, so it might be a bit longer.


	6. Living Life Out on the Streets: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some language I guess.
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes, feel free to let me know.
> 
> I have the next 25k or so all written, so I'm probably going to be slowly posting that as I move onto the fourth main section of this.

_Loop 16_

Klaus climbs out the window about 3 months after Ben’s most recent death. While Ben has managed to work out how to manage the before, and immediate aftermath of his death, he’s still trying to determine the finer details of Klaus' departure from the academy. This particular time was coming considerably later than most, but also was using the lesser preferred method of a night time window escape, as opposed to leaving like any sane person through the door.

Ben himself had tried to leave through the door once- until Klaus had died and ended that timeline-, and he thought it was a perfectly reasonable and respectable method of getting out of the academy. He sorely doubted that Vanya, or Diego, or Allison had left under such subterfuge and in such an undignified manner.

He also dislikes this method of escape because it tends to accompany a desperate, panicked, and plan-less Klaus. Ben can’t really fault Klaus for sneaking out now, though he would still have much preferred for Klaus to wait ‘til morning, or use the door, or perhaps even to remember to bring more than 2 sets of clothes and assorted drug paraphernalia. Ben guessed he should just be grateful Klaus chose _not_ to take any of the booze. Klaus hadn’t taken any cash, but that shouldn’t matter much- Ben had been correct in assuming when _he_ tried to leave that he would be able to rely upon their father’s allowance- not much, but enough for a motel room and some food. Enough to buy them time to make a plan.

The first time Klaus snuck out (after Ben had worked out that he was in a time loop) Klaus had forgotten to bring his card, and Ben had forgotten to remind him until his brother had landed safely on the ground below his window. Watching his idiot brother attempt to climb back up as opposed to simply ringing the doorbell had been a source of great amusement. Well, it had been until Ben and Klaus had discovered that climbing up was much harder than climbing down, and Klaus had promptly fallen and hit his head.

It had been painfully awkward and uncomfortable, as well as frustrating, and sad to wait around for either help or a reset as his brother lay dying in the darkness.

Ben picks his battles about what he should encourage Klaus to bring, based off of his brother’s mindset at the time, but he always makes sure to bring up money, sometimes he’ll even bring it up before Klaus starts making noise about moving out.

This time though Klaus is moving out, less out of a misplaced sense of independence, a hatred of their father, or desire to get away from the place that had led to Ben’s death. In a new tactic, Ben had been trying rather hard to try and get Klaus to _stay_ in the academy, partially in the hopes it would help to keep him sober.

Their father had taken Klaus’ increased efforts at sobriety as a desire to re-engage in his powers and training, talking about special training and the mausoleum. Klaus’ face had gone completely white, and after dinner had told Ben he needed to get out. There had been no compromising with Klaus, not with that face, so Ben hadn’t bothered. So that’s why they were here, with Klaus making an _escape_ out of the window, as opposed to an _exit_ via the front door.

* * *

_Loop 12_

Back the first time Klaus had left the academy (not the head cracking time)- or more accurately, the first time after Ben had cracked the equation of _how to die correctly_ and wasn’t that horrific. The idea that Ben had turned his own death into a minor inconvenience because if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be able to focus on keeping his brother alive, and avoiding having to relive his death again, and again, and _again_. But that first time, Klaus climbing out the window with a new sense of freedom neither of them had really had a plan. Klaus had promptly spent the night clubbing, before going off with some woman to a motel, at which point Ben zoned out because- brothers, and privacy, and also general lack of coherency. That had nicely solved the problem of where to stay the first night, and multiple nights after that- Klaus checked into the motel proudly declaring himself an independent and responsible adult to Ben.

Right. _Sure._

Things stayed like that for a while, because while their education had certainly been comprehensive in unorthodox ways, that had not been taught, nor did either of them have the first clue on how to actually live within the adult world.

Basically….

Klaus didn’t know how to pay rent or get somewhere to live, and to be honest, neither did Ben. It was kind of a problem. It also made food more expensive, because Klaus couldn’t cook, and it made settling down an issue, and it’s not like Klaus really had the skills to get a job.

Whether Ben meant finding, or holding, he’s not quite sure. But either way, Klaus was probably not sober enough to appeal to any employer. He wasn’t drunk or high all the time- not by any means, but probably enough to not appeal to any employer looking to hire unqualified, unskilled labour.

So, Klaus went clubbing, and ate waffles, and returned to his hotel, and amongst that he would occasionally meet people and coast off of them for a day or a week. He’d also do drugs. It got much worse after Klaus left, no father or siblings to check him, or check up. Ben made his disapproval very clear but being dead made it difficult- all Ben’s good for really is the voice on Klaus’ shoulder. He can’t actually _do_ anything it feels.

His protests against going to this, that or the other dealer feel increasingly token to his own ears- what’s the point in saying it on repeat if his brother isn’t going to listen?

Their money begins to run out- it’s going out faster than it’s going in.

Klaus decides to get tattoos.

* * *

“I don’t get why you’re so dead set against my wishing to _display_ that I’m a human Ouija board. I can tell people that the dead speak through my hands. Wouldn’t that be cool?”

Ben lets his flat expression speak volumes to that.

“And I can really speed the hooking up process along, if a creep comes up, just show him the Goodbye hand cos the face ain’t listening.” Klaus is grinning, caught up in his most recent bad idea.

To be honest, that does sound kind of amusing to Ben. Except that it doesn’t. Firstly he doesn’t want to know any more than he already does about Klaus' dating life, and more importantly he doesn’t want Klaus to waste dwindling funds on some stupid shit, when Ben has died, and _died_ over and over again to get Klaus, alive and happy-ish to this point.

Klaus isn’t the one who has to remember everything and relive the trauma of his own death every time he goes and fucking dies.

It’s not that Ben doesn’t want Klaus to live his life to the fullest. It’s just that he’s fed up of being an onlooker to Klaus’ life so many times.

Klaus gets the tattoos anyway. They do seem to make him happy though, so Ben’s careful to make sure he looks after them. If Klaus is going to spend his money on frivolous things, Ben is damn sure he’s not going to let it be wasted.

Klaus moans on at Ben for being a mother hen, but he doesn’t really seem to mind, Klaus asks him if he thinks they’re cool.

“Yeah,” he responds, “they are pretty cool.”

Klaus smiles, and Ben thinks that if Klaus’ decisions were more of this, and less getting so drunk or high that Ben can barely think then everything would be a lot better. He doesn’t bother saying it though- it’s ideal to keep Klaus on side.

“It’s a shame you’re- you know, you, so we can’t get matching tats bro. We could be a squad or something.” Klaus pipes up when his current conquest has excused themself to the toilet.

Ben pointedly _doesn’t_ look down at Klaus’ or his inner arms to see their already matching tattoos. He knows they’re not the same. Instead he decides to deflect.

“What? It’s a shame that your powers are talking to the dead and mine are summoning monsters from the depths of my stomach? Don’t really think power tattoos would match Klaus.” This is comfortable and safe ground, no arguing about money, or drugs, or bringing up painful memories from the past.

“If you really want matching tattoos with someone,” he continues, “go ask Diego. I’m sure he’d love it.” Ben says sarcastically.

This sends Klaus into peals of laughter, cackling like he can’t stop.

“Oh god, imagine his _face_ if I asked him. I don’t know if he’d shout at me for daring to suggest matching anything, or just run away in fear from the mere idea of needles. That would be-” Klaus quickly stops speaking, though he’s still laughing. The current lady or gent of the night has finished their business in the bathroom, and nothing kills the mood more, Klaus tells Ben, than one member of the party carrying on a one-sided conversation with himself.

Klaus is pretty sober, so Ben can’t really, just, fuck off like he’d prefer too, but he can kinda stop being there. He has no desire to stick around while the night continues and decides to take up residence in the small bathroom himself.

Things are not good, but maybe they’re fine.

Klaus gets on a bus the next morning, to go meet Diego to get waffles. Ben’s looking forward to seeing his brother.

There’s an accident, the bus swerves to avoid a car overtaking with too little space and crashes at speed into a lamp post.

The darkness swallows up Ben before they get off the bus. He can’t help but think it’s just so _unfair…_

It’s not even Klaus resulting in this shit- he swears it’s fate.

He comes too again at the academy and remembers to swing up to block Diego’s hit before jabbing him in the stomach. Guy deserves it- Ben wouldn’t have to be here if they hadn’t been going to visit him.

* * *

It’s a general constant of the resets that Klaus gets the tattoos now, Ben barely even puts up a token protest against them- there are worse things Klaus could spend his money on, and they seem to make him genuinely happy. They make Ben happy too, remind him of making Klaus laugh uncontrollably in some random motel room. It’s hard having these memories of Klaus, _good_ memories, that only Ben can remember. Sometimes it makes him want to just tune his brother out forever- but that’s neither that appealing, nor practical at all so, he doesn’t.

Ben does take the opportunity at a do-over to start planning how to do things differently though. First things first, he wants to learn how to get an apartment. It’s a pain, but ultimately not too difficult, to convince Klaus to go to the library so Ben can read up on renting and tenancy contracts. Klaus complains it’s boring, but Ben points out that it’s warm, inside, has toilets, and if none of the books take his fancy Klaus can just have a nap or something.

Maybe it won’t help this time, but if there is a next time Ben can try and get Klaus to actually _rent_ something, instead of just living in a motel for weeks. It ought to help on the job finding front too.

It’s a relatively short loop. Only 3 months in all- Klaus, it turns out, is allergic to crustaceans. Who would have guessed? Actually, who would have guessed Klaus would _eat_ a _shrimp_ in the first place but whatever. At least he knows to not let Klaus at the seafood now he guesses. It won’t be too difficult to convince Klaus he’s always known he’s allergic but just forgotten. Man’s brain is like a sieve.

Ben’s hoping to make it over a year, maybe if he does everything will just fucking stop.


	7. Living Life Out on the Streets: Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings- suicide, 
> 
> I'm going to try and update every 5 days or so from now on, hopefully I can stick to that.

_Loop 17_

Klaus has been living in the motel for a week now and seems to be revelling in his independence. It’s been a more successful repeat- Klaus had left through the door with a promise to keep in contact with his siblings. Without a phone, and with the level of Klaus’ commitment Ben feels doubtful that Klaus will keep to it, but it’s the thought that counts he guesses.

However, after partying for a week, and eating waffles for dinner every day it does appear that Klaus is floundering somewhat in regard to what to do. Ben hopes.

This is his chance- his opportunity to strike and put his newfound knowledge on how to rent to some good use. He’ll get Klaus a _stable_ life this time, and he won’t die- his brother will be happy, and Ben won’t have to get ripped apart again.

It’s alright, Ben can think about the fact that he keeps dying as a seeming punishment for failing Klaus without freaking out now.

He still doesn’t like being ripped apart though.

Klaus has mostly sobered up- or at least he’s not so high Ben can’t even think, so it’s as good an opportunity as any.

“You should start thinking long term Klaus, like how long can you keep living like this?” Klaus is making a face, so Ben pulls out what he hopes is his trump card, “Don’t you miss having your own space? You can’t decorate the walls or anything here.” Not that Klaus would necessarily be able to decorate an apartment either, but what his brother doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Hopefully.

Klaus however, is clearly not swayed by this great logic of Ben’s- and _why_ can’t his brother see that Ben is just trying to look out for him? Instead he chooses to blow out a loud raspberry as he lies upside down on the floor, feet up on the bed.

“You’re so _boooooring_ , Benny. All _adulty_ , I’m not an adult yet, don’t want to get an apartment. I want to live my youth! I’m too young to settle down.” Klaus responds, clearly not convinced in the slightest. Some of Ben’s anger and irritation must show on his face because when Klaus continues it’s less teasing and more cutting.

“If _you_ want to go be an adult then why don’t you just _clear off_ instead of following me around everywhere huh. None of the others _follow_ me everywhere, they’re only in certain places, I don’t get why _you_ have to be everywhere I go.” Klaus stops, looks up and directly into Ben’s eyes, 

“I’m a _kid_ , I don’t want to be responsible- and I certainly don’t want to have my _dead_ brother following me everywhere I go. Really a mood killer. _Maybe_ the reason I can’t settle down is because of _you_ following me everywhere huh. _God_ , thank fuck _Five_ isn’t here too, he can official be my favourite brother.” With that Klaus gets up, and storms into the bathroom, slamming the door. Ben can’t really get away from Klaus, but that doesn’t mean he can’t stand on the other side and fume. He doesn’t quite have to be in the room with him (thank god).

_Where the fuck_ does Klaus get off telling _him_ that he’s a bad brother. _Everything_ Ben does these days is for Klaus- he has to waste all the precious minutes of his life making sure to clean up the messes Klaus will make, and he’s forced in his death to follow his brother around and make sure his brother gets to _waste_ his life again and _again_ , while Ben is forced to watch and is punished for somehow not being able to _save_ him. Ben is one person- he’s basically sixteen- he’s not old enough, or alive enough, or just _enough_ to save someone who seems so hell bent on destruction.

It’s not like he _wants_ to be here anyway, not really- he only sticks around Klaus because otherwise he’ll wake up again- it’s not even like he can get that far away from him. It’s not _his_ fault. He tries at the academy and all he can really manage is a couple of rooms or a flight of stairs. _Klaus_ is the one who can control ghosts- surely it’s his powers keeping Ben here with him, toting him around as opposed to being a static memory like the other spirits are.

It’s been an experience seeing the other spirits like Klaus does- it helps him understand Klaus’ general Klaus-ness a bit more now, he must confess.

But yeah, actually. He’s not like the other ghosts- so it must be Klaus. Except _Klaus_ doesn’t seem to think it’s him, then again, he’s not the most reliable judge of his powers in Ben’s opinion so, who knows. It probably _is_ Klaus.

Still doesn’t explain the whole time loop thing- that’s more of a Five thing, but Ben can think of absolutely _no_ way Five would be involved in this. He thinks of vague memories of a little girl who was shockingly irritated but can’t seem to think about what it really means.

Trying to work it out has calmed him down though, he no longer feels such rage at Klaus, and is fucking inability to make any positive life decisions- even with Ben here trying to _help_ him and _support_ him, and to encourage him to sober up.

All in all, Ben’s plan to convince Klaus to rent an apartment with his newfound knowledge is unsuccessful.

Shit.

The plan to encourage Klaus to sober up, or the plan for Klaus to get a job don’t seem to go much better. Complaints of Ben being a worrywart, or a nag, or a nuisance. Complete blank silence, and Klaus staring at him as he ingests or injects whatever is his chosen poison of the day until his eyes dilate, and Ben can’t think or speak and just drifts like it’s about to fucking reset.

Ben’s gotten good at telling the impending Klaus is dying driftiness from the Klaus is off his head again driftiness though. It’s nice to have warning that he’s _going to be ripped apart_.

He watches Klaus go from bad decision to bad decision, being blatantly ignored all the while. He’s sure there are some good decisions in there somewhere. Maybe. But he’s beyond caring- he thinks Klaus deserves far more credit for all the fuck ups he’s made in his life than for any smart or positive action by this point.

How many times is he expected to watch Klaus overdose, or die in some other miserable manner, and not be able to do anything. Will Klaus reach a certain number of deaths and maybe Ben will be able to just stop caring at all? Stop caring about what Klaus does to himself, or his own gruesome ending in the bank.

Somehow, as much as he sometimes feels like he hates Klaus he doesn’t think so.

But he’s watched Klaus do this drug, and that drug, and overdose, or choke on his vomit, or freeze to death because the idiot got high, fell asleep on the street, and Ben couldn’t do anything to stop it because he barely knew what was going on himself. He’s fed up, and he’s tired, and he wants better for Klaus. Wants better for all his siblings really, but Klaus is the one he’s stuck with.

Maybe that’s why he snaps and tells Klaus about everything.

Klaus is going off to meet a dealer, so it must be a day that ends in “y” and it just all comes tumbling out of Ben.

“I don’t want to see you overdose again.” Ben shouts, Klaus complaining about Ben’s most recent batch of “mother-henning”.

“Every time, you… you get worse into drugs and you die, and if you’re not overdosing it’s because you’re sleeping on the streets, or they were tainted, or you borrowed money from the wrong person, or someone thought you were an easy target because you couldn’t fight back. I’m stuck reliving this, this hell-hole of your existence, but it’s worse because I have to be _dead_ , and just see you waste it all away!” Ben stops suddenly, aware that he’s probably said too much, but also glad to have finally gotten it out.

Klaus has stopped too. Stopped moving and is standing still in the street staring at Ben with shock? Surprise? Something, on his face.

“What are you talking about?” Klaus asks, he sounds mostly confused, but there is an undercurrent of worry there too.

“I-” Ben pauses, tries to work out what to say, how to say it, he’s both dreamed of this, and dreaded it, generally doing his best to ever have to encounter this situation, having to explain what he’s been living (dying) through.

“I’ve been re-living things, I’m stuck in a time loop, I’ve been watching your life since- since just before…” he trails off, he doesn’t really want to say it.

Klaus though, wants information. Obviously, he’s Klaus.

“Sinnnnnce?” he asks, drawing out the word.

“Since just before the bank.” Ben offers him, “That’s why I hate it so much, you doing, all this, the drugs, the partying, the throwing your life away. I’m _dead_ and I have to watch you have it all and do _nothing_ with it. Just wrecking _everything_.” It’s a bit harsh, but it’s true. He’s never tried this before, telling Klaus about a loop- well he has, but not this late in a cycle. He hopes it works.

Klaus is opening and shutting his mouth- for once seemingly caught out on what to say.

“You okay there Benny? Time travel was Five’s thing- oh my god?! Is Five possessing you? Hi! Five! Ahahah High Five! oh my, that’s brilliant, do I have _two_ little brothers following me around, who knew! Wow! I can’t-”

Or maybe not, Klaus always has something to say.

Ben interrupts him before he goes on too long, however.

“No, there’s no Five, it’s just me. I don’t know how exactly…. This whole, _thing,_ works but I don’t think it’s me? I just always wake up before the bank, and I have 20 minutes before the mission to change things, and then it won’t reset until you…”

“Until I what?” Klaus asks, with uncharacteristic seriousness all of a sudden.

“It restarts, the whole loop resets, when you die Klaus. That’s why I’m telling you to please, please just stop it all okay? With the drugs, and the parties, and the throwing it all away, and the not talking to any of our siblings- even Luther, or Mom, or Pogo. I’ve just have had to watch you _waste_ it all, and I’m stuck _dead_.”

Klaus has gone pale, and he looks honestly shocked.

“I- I…” he starts, actually lost for words this time.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. You’re not going to listen to me are you, not really. What’s the point?”

“How many times have… what…” Klaus stops, seems to steel himself, and starts again. “You said it resets to before the bank every time I died right?”

Ben nods, unsure where this is going.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry Ben, I’m so sorry for what I’ve made you go through this time round ok? I’m going to fix this” Klaus gives him a smile- not a grin, or a beam, or a dopey quirk of his mouth, but a genuine smile, even if it seems kind of sad around the eyes.

It’s nice to see.

“Thanks for everything you’ve done Ben. I love you.”

Ben is getting a very bad feeling about this, very cold and very fast.

Klaus throws himself in front of an incoming truck. He didn’t stand a chance.

The blackness swallows Ben up a second later.

* * *

After that Ben, after the Horror emerges from his stomach to wreak pain, havoc, destruction and death again, he swears to himself to _never_ , _ever_ , tell Klaus about the time loop. At any point in the timeline- regardless of what else he thinks.

_Never_.

Klaus’ smile before it was taken by the truck haunts him as he lies dying on the floor of the bank. Maybe he deserves the Horror.


	8. Living Life Out on the Streets: Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any grammar errors, hope you enjoy

_Loop 18_

Ben makes a promise to himself after- after the seventeenth repetition. A promise to _not_ bring up the whole, _drugs_ , issue this time. At all. Maybe if he just lets Klaus live his life out, he’ll realise the issue by himself, without Ben to judge.

Yeah right. Fat chance.

Still, Ben’s tired, he’ll take a break, and it’s a method he hasn’t tried before. Maybe if he talks less Klaus will listen more when he does.

Or maybe Klaus will just talk more to fill up the silence.

So when their father’s allowance comes in and Klaus goes off to Marla (Klaus’ current dealer in this timeline) to buy as much LSD as he can get his hands on, Ben does _not_ pester, or protest, or plead for Klaus to consider how much they need to pay for the motel room, or food, or coming-down waffles. Instead he keeps his mouth shut, and lets Klaus make his own mistakes- and hope that the sharp shock of being hungry and homeless will convince Klaus to finally start to _fix_ things.

Ben’s aware he’s hoping pretty much entirely in vain. Sue him. He’s tired. He tried to _help_ Klaus last time, to _tell_ him, and look where that ended up.

Klaus had- had _killed himself_ \- for him, for Ben.

Ben will give his brother this. The chance to try and live this loop by _his_ rules. He promises himself not to intervene or speak up- to try and let Klaus realise his own mistakes.

* * *

_Still loop 18_ , _2.5 years later_

Well _fuck_ Diego, going off and leaving them _again_. It’s only two and a half years into the loop this time, and that’s got to be a new record. He rages at Diego for saying he wants to help Klaus, how being brothers is _important_ , and then just dicking off as soon as Klaus makes it unpleasant or hard. Ben _hates_ Diego hates him for being able to just decide he’s had enough and _leave_. What the hell is Ben meant to do now to keep Klaus alive- what the hell is _Klaus_ meant to do to keep Klaus alive.

He can feel himself clenching his fists as Klaus yells down the street that he doesn’t need Diego anyway, doesn’t need anyone.

That’s bullshit, Klaus can’t even keep himself alive, useless human that he is.

Ben feels a sense of hatred rising up in him, and he can’t tell if it’s anger at Diego for _abandoning_ them- _again_. Or if it’s jealousy because if given half a chance Ben thinks he would take off too.

He looks at Klaus. ` _Well done!`_ Is what he wants to say. _`are you fucking pleased with yourself now?`_ he wants to ask.

He doesn’t do any of that. What’s the point? Ben needs Klaus onside.

“Wow, what a dick, am I right?” Klaus asks, rolling his eyes at Ben, clearly looking for support. 

“Yeah, the family’s full of them.” Ben’s in no mood to excuse Klaus’ behaviour- even if he can’t go off at him like he wants, he can do this. Let Klaus make his own assumptions about who Ben’s talking about, it’s not like he’s wrong.

It’s getting harder and harder to stick to his self-promise to not mention or comment on Klaus’ drug use at all. To just let his brother run his life to ruin while Ben watches apathetically from the side-lines. 

The issue, he thinks, is that he’s not apathetic- _not yet anyway-_ a little voice comments in his head. He still cares about Klaus, he still- it still hurts to watch him do this. He’s older than Klaus- while his siblings are nearing twenty with the amount of time Ben has lived, he’s probably closer to thirty. But he’s never actually _been_ thirty, he doesn’t _feel_ that much older- living his life in stints and starts doesn’t feel the same as just _aging_.

“So, what should we do now?” Klaus’s question interrupts Ben’s melancholic musings.

“I don’t know Klaus, what do _you_ want to do?” Ben replies by rote, as if reading off a script. No intervening, no nagging, that had been his promise. Try and see if Klaus could do a better job of living his life if he didn’t have Ben mother-henning and nagging him perpetually.

Judging by the progress so far Ben’s not at all convinced, then again, it’s not like he really ever believed it in the first place. An experiment, that’s all this really is, that’s what his existence has become.

Klaus rambles on about whatever his plans for the rest of the day are, Ben tunes him out, but picks up the pace beside him. Anyway, Klaus is probably going to go inject something in a bit, and Ben won’t even have to _try_ to block out his brother.

He wants this to be over.

_(He doesn’t._ )

He wants to never have to live through this _again_ \- to know this is the final time.

_(He doesn’t want_ this _to be the final time- he’s sure he could do better.)_

* * *

Ben had an epiphany that night and judging by Klaus’ activities the other man has probably had several, far more fantastical ones, of his own.

This whole, not talking about drugs at all _ever_ , or ever telling Klaus that maybe he’s making a really bad decision is not working out.

But maybe he can cash in some of his influence on Klaus, influence he’s hoping he has because he’s done what previous iterations of his brother have begged him to do and `shut the fuck up`.

Maybe it’s the time for the suggestion of rehab to come from a _supportive_ and _concerned_ brother- not a _nagging_ one.

He won’t say anything yet though. He still feels a bit…

_Floaty_.

Thanks Klaus. Whatever, he can wait.

When Ben feels sufficiently alive- not alive, _coherent_ \- again, he brings up the issue with Klaus. It’s allowance day- the time of the month where their dad, or more likely Pogo, gives all of them (those still alive) funds to help support them on their transition to independent adulthood or whatever.

The point is, this means that Klaus is on his way to get as much cash out as he can with the intention of going off to go and buy something which he can promptly snort straight up his nose. Klaus’s sober periods these days aren’t so much _sober,_ as not so high that he’s unable to function.

Ben’s job is to point out the flaw in this plan, and the wondrous benefits of rehab before Klaus can bring it to fruition. Now, just how to find the right words. Or whatever, if this goes wrong Ben can try again later. Later chronologically for Klaus or Ben is up for debate, he’s getting kind of jaded if he’s being honest.

“Maybe you shouldn’t just go blow all your money on drugs Klaus.” Is how Ben decides to start, “There’s this thing called being sober, it’s how everyone else manages to function in a life without their fuck up of a brother ditching them for being a fuck up.” He can pander a little to Klaus with that dig at Diego- it’s nothing at all to do with Ben’s linger resentment, it’s just about being appealing to _Klaus_.

Who does he think he’s kidding, ugh.

“He speaks! At last! And personally, I think that’s a terrible point Ben, because Diego is the most sober person I know, and as you rightly pointed out he’s no paragon of good decision making and moral character. Do you know who else is probably too miserable to have a good time? _Dad_ , and I think we can all agree _he’s_ scum.” Klaus retorts, clearly looking pleased with himself, and still heading at what counts as top speed for Klaus towards the ATM.

“What are you on about?” Ben can feel his confusion and frustration rising together, “So you agree that you should sober up or not? Because there’s that rehab centre place that’s only-”

“Nope, I’m _saying_ , that both Dad and Diego are miserable, have some kind of stick rammed so far up their asshole that it’s a wonder they can shit, and really are rather _morally lacking_ wouldn’t you say? Just up and _ditching_ me like that. They are also both sober, so until you present me with other evidence, I am going to say that being sober turns you into a mean, miserable git, Benny. I mean when was the last time _you_ were _really_ happy?” Klaus ends, sounding triumphant that he’s won.

Breathe, Ben reminds himself, feeling grateful that he can’t physically touch Klaus because this way he doesn’t have to refrain from shaking the other man. This is meant to be the non-nagging approach, he reminds himself.

Ben could answer with the painful and harsh answer- say he hasn’t been _really_ happy since he lay in excruciating pain and dying on the floor of the bank because if it wasn’t him then it would be Klaus- except that the universe wouldn’t _let_ it be Klaus.

He could go with the _honest_ answer, which would be in the moments with Diego and Klaus, sleeping in some dingy room, or eating lunch together without speaking where Ben could pretend that maybe he was still alive and it was the three of them living adulthood together. Times that haven’t happened in this loop, it seems that Ben’s utter lack of intervention may have worked to allow Klaus to drive Diego away far easier.

Or maybe Diego’s just a flake. Full of big talk but with none of the substance to back it up.

“Maybe I haven’t been happy because you’ve been attempting to destroy your brain in booze and drugs. Maybe because I’m actually just some kind of _twisted_ conjuring of yours- I’m dead Klaus, and yet I’m here.” Ben says, quietly, trying to keep himself calm.

Klaus has actually stopped to stare at Ben, slightly wide-eyed.

“Maybe Diego’s such a shit because he has to deal with _your_ bullshit and it’s catching and-” Ben cuts himself off. He did not mean to go that far. Shit, shit, shit. What happened to being _understanding_. Fuck.

“Wow. Tell me what you really think, why don’t you.” Klaus replies, after a moment of agonising silence. “You know what Ben?” and never has Ben heard Klaus say his name with such vitriol before.

“You should be more _grateful_ to me- if as you say, I’m the only reason that you’re even _here_. Take a look around- do you see any _other_ ghosts floating about? Because I _don’t_. Maybe I’m not so useless as you’re suggesting, maybe I’m using my ` _destroyed brain_ ` a little bit more than you think. _Maybe_ you’re only here because _I_ want you here.” Klaus snarls as he says this, uncaring and oblivious to the deeply uncomfortable stares they’re getting from random passers-by.

“Maybe you should just _shut the fuck up_.” Klaus finishes, face filled with such anger and hate that Ben has scarcely seen before.

Ben has never been scared of his siblings before, scared for them sure. Scared _by_ them though…

The fear that Klaus _might_ actually have the power to banish or remove him is doubtful. Klaus has never really displayed any kind of control over his powers before- but his brother raises a good point that Ben’s here even when Klaus is high, and no other ghosts are around.

The fear that Ben could just be removed wars with anger though. Anger that the only reason _Ben_ is here is due to the help of _Klaus_ , when Ben knows full well that _Klaus_ wouldn’t survive a fucking day without his help. Klaus has died time after time, and slowly surely, Ben has been able to drag that time out.

Klaus has _no_ idea what Ben’s done for him, the ungrateful little shit. Ben would give _anything_ to not have to live his _death_ and this _shit_ , over and over again.

Another thought pops up. If Klaus banishes him or stops conjuring him- if that is in fact something Klaus is doing, or has any control over. Then the next time Klaus dies will Ben just… stay dead?

Even a quasi-existence is better than being dead he feels most of the time. But, seeing Klaus _die_ , and mess up, and mess up is so tiring. Having to be punished with the pain and trauma of his own gruesome death, wondering if this one will be for nothing too?

But if Ben doesn’t come back, Klaus _will_ die, and maybe it will be permanent.

Ben might be slightly terrified of his brother right now, looking up at his face and barely recognising him. He might be furious at the ignorance and arrogance; at the decisions his brother has made time and time again.

But Klaus _is_ still his brother. He doesn’t want him dead- he wants him to be happy- he wants him _alive_.

Ben realises he’s been silent for a while, and that Klaus must have taken it as compliance.

“ _Good.”_ Klaus nods, “So now I’m going to spend _my_ money on whatever the hell I want, and maybe we can go to Griddy’s afterwards. I know you like Griddy’s.”

Ben does like Griddy’s. Mostly because drinking or doing drugs is not permitted in the restaurant. Mostly because Diego always seems to take Klaus there, or perhaps Klaus asks to go- he’s not sure why Diego always concedes considering he only ever seems to buy coffee for himself. Ben likes it because it’s safe and separate from all of the bad decisions Klaus seems to make. Because it’s warm, and Agnes is nice.

He wants Klaus to go to rehab. He’s starting to really think just letting Klaus do whatever he wants was a bad, _bad_ , idea. He doesn’t want _this_ , Klaus in Griddy’s. Not this caricature of his kind and upbeat and friendly brother. He knows Klaus is selfish, and has a very sharp side, that he can be mean- but it’s never been turned on him. Not since he died. Not like _this_.

“I don’t want to go to Griddy’s,” Ben says nervously, assessing Klaus’ mood, “Diego might be there.” Unlikely, considering that while Diego goes there with Klaus, he never eats anything- probably thinks all the sugar will ruin his “temple”.

Still, he has no doubt that Klaus wants to avoid Diego too right now and hopes this works.

How did it go so wrong so fast?

“Yeah, good point. I’m sure there’s somewhere else we can go, one of the over-night ones maybe. Or no, I’m feeling like some pizza. Pizza sound good to you Ben?” Klaus agrees, all traces of anger gone, clearly having calmed down.

Or so it seems- the earlier anger also seemed to come from nowhere- even if perhaps it was provoked by Ben? Regardless, pizza has no connotations, Ben couldn’t give less of a shit if Klaus wanted to get pizza.

“Yeah, pizza’s fine, it’s not like I can eat anyway- or did you _forget_?” Ben asks, irritated that Klaus is suddenly acting like Ben’s opinion on the matter is so important. He just wants to _help_ , rehab can help. Can’t Klaus see that?

Klaus huffs, “I’m sorry about shouting at you earlier Ben, okay?” Klaus has obtained his cash from the ATM now, “Marla’s probably not about yet anyway, Pete’s definitely not. We can go get pizza now and talk. Jeez, you’re acting like you’ve just died.” A pause. “ _Again_.”

“It’s okay,” Ben finds himself saying, ignoring the dig- mind too busy whirring on how to potentially use this delay to his advantage. Maybe he can still convince Klaus to try rehab. Or at the very least not to buy anything today.

He’s got time. He can make it okay.

* * *

He works on building up his courage while Klaus gets pizza, practices what he wants to say in his head. He’s decided he doesn’t care if Klaus gets mad again- surely, he’s just bluffing about _removing_ Ben’s presence, right? Right?

He can’t let Klaus do this; he doesn’t want to. As soon as Klaus gets up to go, he’ll tell him not to go to Marla, that maybe he should start to think about rehab.

Or maybe he should start _before_ Klaus finishes eating- Klaus is less likely to respond to him in a public place where other people can see him “talking to himself”. No, he’s being stupid, he’ll let Klaus eat his pizza, _then_ he’ll tell his brother that he’s only doing this because he cares about him.

When Klaus finishes, he burps at him, and despite himself Ben smiles a little. Maybe things _have_ gone back to normal already. If Klaus was so quick to anger, it makes sense that he was quick to forgiveness too, right?

Okay, deep breath.

“I really want you to think about what I’m going to say Klaus.” Ben starts.

  
  
  
  


  
  


Turns out, perhaps Ben _wasn’t_ so easily forgiven. Klaus has pulled his trump card though, so he can’t really do anything else to Ben- other than to get as high as possible to drown him out. So, Ben can barely think right now, disappointment and fear long passed. There’s still vague stirrings of rage though, simmering around despite Klaus’ near catatonic state.

He will _not_ give up so easily.

He might just need to bide his time a little.

* * *

Klaus never does listen to Ben in this loop. About anything. Ben is starting to really _hate_ what his brother has become. What Ben has possibly turned him into- because he’s never been like this _before_. When Ben actually gave a damn- or at least showed that he did- about what Klaus did.

But Klaus will do as Klaus does.

His brother starts spending a lot more time at different restaurants or places which do food now, especially since Ben has essentially blacklisted Griddy’s. This means Klaus has far more contact with other types of food. Thankfully Ben had drilled to not go anywhere near seafood _before_ Klaus decided every sentence that came out of Ben’s mouth containing the words, “no”, or “don’t”, or “ _please_ ” was traitorous.

He starts hanging out with other types of people as well.

Who’s Ben to deny Klaus any kind of chance at fun? Not like Klaus will listen to him.

Klaus would probably rather listen to this _Jordan_ guy. Ben wants to hate him on sight just because he’s probably never had his entire existence threatened by his brother. Tosser.

* * *

Ben regrets that later. He really regrets it. He doesn’t just _want_ to hate his piece of filth now, _he does_.

Klaus is crying, and Ben is desperately trying not to cry to stay strong for his brother.

_It’s okay, we’ll be okay, you’ll be okay_. He says to Klaus, desperately hoping it will be true. In a dark way it will be. Klaus isn’t going to remember this, or he’s going to get out of this. He’ll be okay.

When the guy, shit-stain, pathetic excuse of a human, shows them the fingernail collection from other people though- earlier people. Dozens and dozens of them.

Well, it looks like Klaus isn’t going to remember this.

Ben on the other hand is going to commit this man’s face to memory for the rest of his time.

He hates himself for hating Klaus now.

“I love you; I love you; I love you,” he says to Klaus, staring into his eyes from opposite him, refusing to leave his brother alone in his final moments.

He keeps saying it until it all goes black.

* * *

There’s no time to mourn this though when he comes back. Ben goes through all the motions, all the necessary requirements to get Klaus out of the academy.

He’ll do things differently this time, he’s not going to just _let_ Klaus crumble for one.

He’s going to protect his brother too.

“I love you,” he says as he shoves Klaus behind a door when he knows the men in the bank are about to approach.

He breathes and prepares to let the Horror rip him apart.


	9. Blood's Thicker: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Diego time, whoppee. Sorry this chapter's so short.

_Loop 20_

It’s two years, just over maybe, into a loop, not the longest they’ve had by far- that had been about 3 years maybe, but long enough that Ben’s starting to hope this will be the one to strike a new record. He’s with Klaus, who is prattling on about various topics, largely irrelevant, but that’s Klaus. He’s making sure to keep an ear out though, in case Klaus gets any ideas about going off, and yup. Klaus is about to start.

“Remind me why we’re here again please Benny,” Klaus mutters, it’s cold, and while his brother does have a coat, he’s also in a crop top. Ben has given up on trying to get Klaus to listen to his common, over Klaus’ fashion, sense.

“Because Diego asked you to meet him here, after you got kicked out.” _again,_ he doesn’t add. It’s the first time for Klaus, personally Ben’s getting a bit sick of it.

“Well if he wanted to _talk_ to lil’ ol’ me so badly, then he could have just not kicked me out you know. Real meanie is Diego. I’m cold, and hungry, and mostly sober, like why am I here.” Klaus beams at a woman who gives him a judgemental look and swerves to avoid the oddly dressed man talking to himself in the cold. They’re both used to it.

Ben doesn’t bother correcting Klaus about it not being _Diego_ who kicked Klaus out, it’s almost entirely Klaus’ fault this time, but past experience has told Ben not to bother. Anyway, Ben feels previous iterations of Diego deserve some contempt- Diego _has_ kicked Klaus out in the past, some reasons better than others.

“Maybe he wants to talk, maybe he wants to apologise, I don’t know. I’m sure he’ll be here soon, we might as well wait, it’s not like we’ve got anything better to do.”

He hears Klaus mutter “Not like _you’ve_ got anything better to do, _you’re dead_.” but refuses to let himself rise to the bait. The best use of his time in Ben’s own opinion is to make sure Klaus stays alive so he doesn’t have to relive his own death again. Diego can be quite useful in securing this aim. Besides, he misses his brother. Misses it when his siblings got on, like a family. Klaus stays though, so maybe Klaus really doesn’t think there is anything better for him to do.

Eventually Diego comes running up, slightly breathless.

“Sorry, I was…” he pants a bit, “talking, Patch, favour, lost track of time.” he straightens up a bit and looks at Klaus. “You’re doing alright? Look I’ve been thinking, maybe you should go back to the academy for a-”

Klaus snaps back, and even Ben is pretty shocked and angered at that.

“What?! _Never_ , I am never going back while Dad’s still there. I don’t care, I knew this was pointless.” Klaus turns to leave, and before Ben can say anything Diego reaches out to grab and stop him.

“Klaus! Look just for a bit, until I can…” Here Klaus makes another bid to get away and bites Diego on the hand, who promptly lets go with a shout.

“Please, please wait, Jesus Christ Klaus, don’t go just ugh.” Diego does not appear to be convincing Klaus in the slightest, to be honest if Ben hadn’t lived through Diego trying to help them before, he doubt he would be at all willing to listen either.

But he has, so…

“Klaus just _listen_ to what he has to say. It’s not like he’s going to _drag_ you away in front of all these people. Look he’s talking bull about the academy, but maybe there’s something else?” Ben implores Klaus earnestly. He pulls out what Klaus likes to call the little brother eyes- though personally Ben feels like he is most certainly the big brother in this situation. It looks like it might work.

“Fine, Diego. I’ll listen. But I’m not going back. _Ever_. I’m not Reginald’s dog, not like you _Number 2._ ” Klaus bites out with considerable viciousness, and Ben feels like he can see it slowly begin to go wrong.

“Don’t you fucking dare Klaus. You say I’m pathetic, but which one of us is constantly drugging himself up and _crawling_ to his brother for help. I thought you _wanted_ to get sober, don’t see how the hell you’re supposed to be able to do that on the streets!” Diego is building himself up into a rage, and Klaus is getting incensed on his own anger and pride, and all Ben can think is how did it go so wrong so fast.

"Why do you even _care_ so much about what I do Diego?” Klaus bites back, “What's it to you if I'm just a homeless junkie living on the streets. I know you think it, and don't give me that we're brothers crap. Family means shit in our household- hasn't since Ben died." 

"I do care!" 

"Pull the other one, D, the face ain't listening" 

Ben hates this, he hates being pulled into this fight as a weapon, his death merely a cheap shot lobbed at a brother.

"That's not, that's not even how it goes…” Diego paused, as if gearing himself up, “Ben asked me to."

"What?” - Klaus’ words mirror Ben’s sentiments exactly

"B-ben asked me to l-ook out for you before he…” Diego paused, Klaus looks shocked, about as shocked as Ben feels, he hadn’t realised Diego had taken his words to heart so much.

“We were sparring, just before the mission, and he; he told me he was worried about drugs. He wanted to look out for you, because we’re brothers. I wanted to tell him that if he was so worried he should be a brother himself- but it was Ben so I just kinda ignored him. Then… well he wasn’t there. And he wanted you to be ok, so I told myself I’d look out for you ok. Because I care, because Ben cared. Maybe we haven’t been a family since Ben died, but this is the way I can keep him alive and try to keep us together ok? Ok?!” Diego was shouting now; he’d probably be crying if the man ever let himself show healthy emotion.

“T-two of my brothers are dead- and you stand here, you stand here and _ask_ me why I care about what happens to a third?” Diego scowls, stops.

“Here’s fifty bucks. Try not to spend it all on drugs. But then again, you don’t care about any of us do you.” He stalks off, Ben and Klaus staring after him.

“Five’s not dead,” Klaus mutters. Ben just nods, it was instinct now, he’s not sure what to believe, but he guessed it made sense if Klaus couldn’t summon Five’s ghost. That wasn’t the real issue at hand though.

“Did you really ask him to look out for me?” Klaus asks, looking suspicious.

Ben simply nods again, _I do every time_ , he thought, but didn’t bother voicing. He’s still shaken as to how much Diego had taken his last words to heart.

“How much do you reckon I could get off Pete for $45?” Klaus spoke up, breaking Ben out of his revelry.

Ben looked up and glared, he couldn’t believe his brother sometimes, “Diego gave that money to _help_ you, not to spend it on _drugs_ ,” he hissed angrily.

“Eh, technically he said not to spend it _all_ on drugs, I’m keeping the $5 for pancakes. Anyway if he cared so much he could stick around as opposed to running off all scowly because I try to speak some _truth_.” Klaus returned flippantly.

Ben could feel himself shaking, “He _cares_ , we both do. You just make it so fucking hard sometimes.”

“You just like him more than me now because he mentioned bonding before you died.”

It was a lost cause arguing with Klaus most of the time.

“Fine. But if you end up overdosing or dying in some gutter because you don’t have any money, I will bring you back and kill you myself.”

Ben kind of means it.

Maybe.

He just hates it when Klaus and Diego fight.

He can’t help but remember in a previous timeline, that at just after a year Diego had come to Klaus and offered to share an apartment with him. He hadn’t even mentioned Klaus having to pay bills, at least not for a while. Ben and Klaus had been briefly introduced (or well technically just Klaus) to Diego’s “friend” (the air quotes were all Klaus) Eudora when she’d come to take Diego to dinner. She’d been nice. Ben had overheard Diego discussing money with her though, loans, the apartment, and been concerned because, he didn’t want the apartment to go.

He never got ‘round to discussing it with Klaus though.

Klaus had clearly decided it shouldn’t just be Diego and Eudora who went out that night, and Ben tried to give him some space. That Klaus was, well drunk (he’d agreed to apartment rules of no drugs- mostly), helped. Ben always lost coherency when Klaus was off his head. Ben doesn’t really know what happens.

.

He knows what happened though. _Reset_. That’s how Ben likes to think of it.

Klaus runs off to see how much he can get for $45, and reluctantly Ben follows. He doesn’t really have a choice. Literally.

It all seems to have gone very wrong very fast, but he’s sure this loop won’t last too much longer. They never do. Looks like he has another traumatic death to look forward to reliving.

Whoopee.

The blackness takes him faster than he expected, Ben’s calling tainted drugs.

Despite his earlier words though, Ben won’t do anything to jeopardise the loop when they get sent back.

This time.


	10. Blood's Thicker: Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have the next chapter a little early because the last one was so short.  
> Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes

_Loop 21_

This time when Ben is doing the beginning ~~(and preparing to die~~ ) once more it feels different. He knows it’s because of what Diego said in the last timeline. He asks his angry, but mostly together brother, to keep an eye out for, and to look after what has become the bane of his (eternal) existence, and feels almost guilty that this is the last real thing he says to Diego. That he places this responsibility on him- _almost guilty._ Not really guilty- something else has placed way too much responsibility on Ben himself to keep the disaster that is Klaus alive- it’s only fair he feels to share it around a little.

It doesn’t mean the look of confusion and mild irritation Diego gives him doesn’t hurt a little. They all think Klaus’ habits are bad _now_. Ben would laugh if he weren’t so worried it would have negative consequences on how the timeline would play out.

He lets himself give Diego a hug though- he’s done it before; it seems unlikely to damage the timeline. It’s more likely to damage Ben, what with the ridiculous number of sharp and pointy objects Diego has on his person at any one time.

Diego doesn’t stab Ben though, thankfully. Their father’s watching, also Ben’s pretty sure Diego’s ninety percent bark, though Luther certainly proves that he very much does have a bite.

“You’re a good brother, you know,” he says. Diego’s going to have to watch him die, or at the very least stumble across his dead body in about half an hour. Ben can give him this.

Diego’s eyes narrow, and he pushes Ben off of him, clearly his brother has reached his daily quota of positive affection from people who aren’t Mom.

The mission alarm goes off, and Ben steels himself for what will be another painful experience.

* * *

Now that he’s looking for it, Ben notices how Diego crops up, all, the damn, time. Sure, he’s noted and appreciated Diego’s help in the past- giving Klaus some money or letting him stay with him or a night or a week. Suggesting Klaus go into rehab- unsuccessful and likely to result in Klaus running off- but appreciated by Ben nevertheless. 

But it’s odd, come to think of it, they hardly live in a small city, and Klaus has no phone, and no real fixed address- he’s unreliably staying at the motel, spending most of his time in a weird patchwork of rehab, hostels, other people’s beds and the street. Sometimes Klaus goes to Diego- but never after Diego leaves the academy (the police academy), which may in turn be because _Diego’s_ not necessarily the easiest to find either.

In a few loops Ben will finally ask Diego (through Klaus) how the hell his brother _finds, ~~them,~~ him_ in this city- but he hasn’t asked yet. So, it’s still a mystery, and highly confusing phenomenon that Diego seems to be able to find them.

Regardless of Diego’s seeming abilities to find a person in this city however, they don’t have much contact with him until he leaves the (Umbrella) Academy. Sneaking in, to say “Hello!” (and not just to Diego, to Vanya and Allison as well) is risky business. Getting caught is not an option, getting ratted out to their father is also not an option.

_Thanks,_ _Luther_.

While unlike Klaus, Diego clearly has plans for his life, his plans- unlike Klaus’ complete lack thereof, have age restrictions. Namely he has to be at least eighteen to join the police academy. This is what Diego tells Klaus when he asks why his brother hasn’t just “left the house already”.

The _bank incident_ happened- happens? - in April 2006, so Diego still has at the very least around a year and a half of academy living where contact between Klaus and anyone else is pretty low.

Which, Ben can’t say he wishes he could see how it would all play out if Diego could have a bigger influence in Klaus’ early life on the street- but he really wishes he could see how it would turn out if Diego had a bigger presence in Klaus’ early life on the street. As opposed to randomly appearing and trying to play big brother about one and a half years _after_ Klaus has had time to spiral into the fucking mess his brother is.

Ben loves Klaus- sometimes- but he is a disaster.

But try as he might, he genuinely can’t find any possible way to keep Klaus and Diego together for that year. Klaus _has_ to leave the academy no power, earthly, alive, or dead seems to be able to keep Klaus in the academy for more than a month. As for Diego- he may hate their father, but he has no desire to live on the streets- especially not since all the man really wants at this point is to be a cop and the best way for that to happen is to stay put until he’s eighteen.

So yeah, Diego tries, Ben can see that now. Maybe Ben just didn’t really notice before because for Klaus to make it past three years feels like a fucking miracle at this point. Even making it to two can be a stretch.

This also means that the finer details of Diego, and his involvement and influence on timelines are still unclear to Ben- things happen, but sometimes they don’t, and he’s not quite sure _why_ yet.

* * *

Ben may mentally bemoan the fact that there’s no real way to keep Klaus and Diego in contact before Diego joins the police academy, but he _can_ set them up pretty much as soon as Diego gets out.

When Diego’s in barracks he’s far easier to keep track of and locate than when he graduates and moves out- put it this way. There’s one set of barracks Diego will be living in, there are multiple apartments he could move out in to.

Klaus _likes_ Diego, or likes annoying him- who knows, so it’s not _difficult_ to persuade him that they should go and visit Diego now that he’s likely no longer living in their old house.

What _is_ slightly harder is trying to get Klaus to go sober, or mostly sober, because turning up high will if they’re lucky simply piss Diego off, if they’re unlucky it’ll create all kinds of trouble that Ben would really much rather keep Klaus out of.

Luckily, Klaus seems to get fits of inspiration every so often- specifically inspiration to get _clean_.

Whether they’re motivated by a desire for a better lifestyle, or to pick things up, or Ben’s own wishes and pleading, or a deep seated jealousy that his siblings are all making things of their own lives and raising new opportunities he’s not sure. But he has his suspicions.

This specific desire to “shake things up” and “start things over” has come suspiciously close after Klaus noticed Allison’s name on a movie poster illuminating a bus stop. It’s not the most solid of motivations, but Ben will take what he can get.

“Diego will be pleased to hear you’ve sobered up,” he mentions to Klaus as his brother exits rehab, bounding and announcing that he is a new man, “You should visit him- and he’ll probably have joined the police by now right? For certain, we’ve been eighteen for almost 3 months now.”

He doesn’t want to push his luck too much, or come off too heavy handed, but he really wants to make this connection- this is probably one of his best chances with a mostly sober Klaus and a Diego who’s optimistic about helping people, and making a difference.

“Yeahhhhh, I’ll give him my thirty-hour chip as a birthday present! Do you think he’ll let us crash at his new digs, or do you think he’ll kick out his poor, little brothers, so innocent, so sad, into the cold?” Klaus asks, breaking into a run in his seeming eagerness to go and show Diego the spoils of his sobriety.

Too bad he’s running in the wrong direction. 

“Klaus, you’re going the wrong way.” Ben’s been there before, not that Klaus knows that obviously.

“Oh, oops. Wait how do _you_ know that- does dying give you some kind of ghostly map that you can just pull out- because I don’t see why we should trust _you_ over _me_. I am also a responsible adult you know, and I think this is grossly unfair.”

“We’ve walked past it before, I remember- it’s definitely the other way.”

“Hmpf, _fine._ ” Klaus groans, and does start to walk in the other direction. “I hope he’s in.”

That is a good point. Still, it’s _Diego_. Ben somehow doubts he has plans. Or friends.

* * *

As they arrive Ben begins to realise that the problem wasn’t whether _Diego_ was in or not- it was how to get in themselves. Because while they could- and had reached the barracks where Diego was staying, they didn’t actually have a plan to get _in_. There were no handy doorbells, labelled or otherwise, to let Diego know they were there. Currently the plan was looking very much like relying upon the simple fact that at some point Diego would either have to enter or exit the building.

Considering the time was currently around seven-thirty in the evening it was seeming likely that it wouldn’t be for some time. Perching on the street forever didn’t seem ideal, but Ben wasn’t really wanting to leave- because something tells him if they left now, Klaus would be unlikely to come back.

Klaus, in typical fashion, seems particularly unbothered, and instead chose to lie down on the pavement, and generally be an inconvenience should anyone actually want to use the footpath as it was intended.

Ben was getting tempted to join him.

But perhaps fate didn’t hate Ben quite as much as it seemed sometimes- being trapped in an endless cycle of gory death, and watching his brother die in varying bleak ways, because it wasn’t long until a familiar voice caught his ears.

“What the fuck are you doing on the footpath Klaus?” his brother asked, holding a plastic bag, though he didn’t sound particularly confused, and there was a definite note of happiness present in his tone.

“DIEGO!” Klaus shouted, bounding up to grab Diego in a hug, and going in for an extravagant kiss on each cheek.

Ben felt a sudden urge to be alive just so he could commiserate via eye roll with Diego, but also jealousy. He wanted to be able to greet Diego himself.

“It’s a bit late, but I’ve come to give you a birthday present, oh favourite brother. And to see your new digs- come on show me, what are they like.” Klaus shoves his thirty-hour chip in Diego’s face and it’s clear to see he is utterly confused by the going ons.

So’s Ben, and he set this whole thing up.

Diego gingerly accepts the chip though and holds it up to get a better look.

“Oh-kayy, um what-” he pauses, and really looks again at the chip “- you’re clean?” he asks, hopefully, but with a doubtful expression on his face.

“Yep! Came straight from rehab to see my _favourite_ big- bro, so can I see your house now? It’s massive.” Klaus continues, waving his arms at the barracks.

“It’s not his house Klaus. He doesn’t _own_ the whole thing.” Ben comments.

“Obviously you don’t own the whole thing though- that would be silly.” Klaus continues, as if that’s what he’d thought all along.

“I, uh.” Diego paused, looked down at the bag he was holding, and then back up again at Klaus, still clutching Klaus’ chip in his hand, and seemed to make a decision. 

“Yeah, yeah you can come in, I’ve got some Chinese if you want some- we’ll have to share though- and I mean _share_. No hogging it all.” With that, Diego moves past them both to open the door and let them in.

* * *

They follow Diego down a corridor, and up several flights of stairs where he goes up to a door and bangs on it twice.

“Is that you Diego?” a female voice calls out from inside the room.

“Y-yeah, it’s me, I’ve got the food, and uh also-” the door swings open, and the owner of the voice is revealed.

Ben’s seen her before- but only briefly. Eudora Patch is standing in the doorway, dressed in casual clothes, and staring between Klaus and Diego with a raised eyebrow.

“Can’t say I’ve ever really been into cannibalism myself Diego,” she comments, “Always preferred the more classic types of food.”

“Um, right sorry.” Diego clears his throat waves at Klaus “This is my brother Klaus- he showed up and I didn’t want to send him away. I said he could eat with us.”

Technically Diego hadn’t mentioned there being anyone else present tonight, if Ben remembers correctly- he doesn’t really mind though. Though he’s a little surprised Diego clearly made friends so fast.

Turning to Klaus, Diego continues the introductions:

“Klaus, this is Eudora, she’s also training to be a cop, and she could definitely kick your ass, and probably kick my ass, but we haven’t been able to confirm it yet.”

Well, that’s very _Diego_ of him.

“Right! Let’s go eat.”

Diego leads them to a small, and slightly dingy, kitchen that’s empty aside from one other guy who’s washing dishes.

“You guys don’t really look that similar for brothers,” Eudora mentions. Ben feels himself internally sigh and roll his eyes- the amount of times they’ve gotten comments along those lines whenever they’ve introduced themselves as siblings is a lot.

Well, more it’s a high percentage, technically sibling introductions are not made often- they didn't really get out as kids.

“We’re adopted”, and “I got all the good looks in the family” Diego and Klaus say at the same time.

Diego glares at Klaus, who simply shrugs, “They’re not exclusive statements.”

Eudora’s laughing though, and she’s smiling at Diego, who’s smiling back. It shuts off when Klaus turns to look at their brother with raised eyebrows though.

Oh.

Diego _really_ likes her. Obviously, Ben knew that they were friends, and probably more in another timeline- but to see them like this now- before Klaus (and consequently Ben’s meddling) have shown up in his life- she’s clearly important to his brother.

She’s whip smart though- cracking back at Klaus’ smart remarks, and Diego’s dry comments, and funny too.

It makes Ben hurt that he can’t meet her properly.

Diego and Eudora fall into an easy banter- throwing jabs and remarks about the others ability at this or that and making references to instructors that neither Ben nor Klaus know of. It’s not a conversation they can really contribute to, but Klaus seems content to let them have it.

“How long do you reckon they’ll keep calling themselves “friends”?” Klaus whispers to him, a grin on his face.

“How much do you really want to make bets on our brother’s love life?” Ben returns.

“Oh please, you see it too. I can tell you like her.” Klaus pauses, and Ben doesn’t say anything to contradict him, he’s not wrong. “I think she’d like you too, if she could meet you.” Ben doesn’t say anything to that either- there’s nothing to say.

“If only because you’re Diego’s brother though, and she clearly likes all things about him- because let’s be honest, your personality could do some work. Especially in comparison to _mine_. Then again, Diego’s the most grumpy person I’ve ever met, and she seems to like him just fine so.” Klaus says, in a far lighter tone.

Ben rolls his eyes at that. Besides, Diego’s not so grumpy around Eudora. It’s different to how he is even around Klaus, watching this interaction.

He wonders if this is what it comes down to- the small variations in the timelines with Diego. Eudora or Klaus- does Diego have to pick one.

It certainly seems odd that he chooses to live with his drug addict brother as an up and coming police officer as opposed to Eudora- who even if Diego _isn’t_ in a relationship with, is clearly a close friend.

Ben’s glad Diego’s got a friend. A _real_ friend, outside of the toxic mess that is their family. He might be the only one of them.

“We should give them their space,” Ben says to Klaus instead of voicing his thoughts. “Say you want to go to bed or something, before we start third and fourth wheeling very hard.”

“You are no fun sometimes,” Klaus mutters, but he still stands up and announces his intentions to go sleep.

“I guess I better go show you where my room is,” Diego says, going to stand up, and sounding clearly reluctant.

“Nahhh, don’t let me disturb you, you could give me the key, and I’m sure I can find my own way there, don’t worry about me.”

Diego rolls his eyes at that, mutters something about Klaus giving him an aneurysm, but he hands the key over, clearly glad to have an excuse to keep talking to Eudora.

* * *

Things all start to go wrong when Ben and Klaus get back to Diego’s room.

See, Klaus is sober now, and while Ben still disapproves of Klaus’ choice to live in a drugged up stupor to avoid ever having to see the ghosts, he does _get_ it a lot more after having to interact with them himself.

There’s a ghost in Diego’s room.

Maybe they died there, maybe someone in the room is actually a murderer (doubtful)- those seem to be the two main reasons for ghosts to hang around, who knows. The point is, there is no way Klaus is going to sleep in a room with a ghost. Not a Klaus who has discovered the _wonders_ of self-medication.

Ben can see it on his brother’s face.

“No.” Klaus mutters, hands covering his ears and slowly backing out of the room. He takes off back down the corridor and takes refuge in a bathroom.

“No, no no, I can’t, I don’t want to see them. Ben, I need something, there’s got to be some alcohol in here, _somewhere_ right?” Klaus is getting increasingly panicked, and Ben can see all his hopes for a nice happy reunion and long life slipping through his fingers.

Then Klaus appears to pull himself together, takes a deep breath and runs back into Diego’s room, only to start rummaging through his drawers, desperately in the search of something.

Money.

“Klaus, don’t-”

“Shut the fuck up Ben.” Klaus whisper-shouts, “I don’t care.”

Klaus grabs the twenty-dollar bill lying tucked in a pair of Diego’s socks and runs out of the room again and doesn’t stop until he’s out of the building.

Ben wonders what Diego will think come morning- Klaus gone, no note. How long it will take for him to notice the missing money.

He’s got a feeling Diego will forgive them, but he decides not to push his chances. He’ll let _Diego_ make the next contact. Their brother has some magic way of finding them he swears.


	11. Blood's Thicker: Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me remembering that the drinking age in the US is 21, not 18, and quickly changing that.
> 
> Please let me know if you see any glaring spelling/grammar errors.

_Still loop 21- about one and a half years later_

To be frank, Diego gives Klaus too many chances. But then again that fate seems to have an unlimited amount of chances to give to Klaus, so it’s only fair that everyone else does too.

Klaus seems to take all of Diego’s goodwill and suck it right out of him, using it all up. Ben just wants to be able to have a fraction of that sibling solidarity for himself, but he’s dead and Klaus gets to waste it over and over again.

Right now, though, it doesn’t look like Diego has anything in him to give, slumped over at a bar, and white knuckling what looks like a glass of dark liquid.

That is very unusual. He’s worried, and concerned, and he wants to go over and ask if he’s ok and try to talk through his problems or help him. All the things Diego tries to do for Klaus- and things he doesn’t because this isn’t about paying back favours, it’s about giving a shit about his siblings.

Unfortunately, the only way to do any of that is through Klaus, and Klaus is well, Klaus. He’s also enjoying a low buzz judging by the way Ben’s ears are ringing. Still, he keeps staring at Diego, wondering if he should try and convince Klaus to go over and talk to him anyway.

“Am I seeing things right now? Because you know, I definitely could be, or is that our most favourite uptight brother slumped over a bar like it’s a noir movie?” Klaus whispers to him.

Suddenly he has a decision to make and quick. He chooses what is perhaps the selfish option.

“Yeah that’s Diego. We should go talk to him; he’s really not looking so good.” Ben says, really praying that this will not go drastically wrong.

Klaus doesn’t give any reply to Ben’s suggestion, but since he starts sauntering over to where Diego is sitting, it seems that he’s chosen to take Ben’s advice.

“Hey Diego! Fancy seeing you here, _wow_ , what’s your poison? How are things? By things I mean being a cop. What’s life like in copsville- you’re like actually a cop now right, because it’s been aggeeees and-” Klaus’s spiel is rather abruptly cut off by Diego.

“I’m not a cop anymore.”

“Ohhhhhh, well, care to talk about-” Klaus asks meekly, side eying Ben as he does so.

“There’s too much fucking paperwork, it’s a shit job. There are people…. There are people being hurt, and we have to wait around for things like _permission_ , or _warrants_ , and evidence has to be so, fucking, stupid, and _apparently_ knives aren’t allowed because they’re too _deadly_ , but no, having a fucking _gun_ is fine.” Diego seems to be rousing himself up, passion rising as he rants about things he’s probably been bottling up.

“Do these _idiots_ know how much more fucking accurate I am with a knife than a gun? _No,_ and they won’t let me prove it, they won’t let me have my knives when I could hit a flap of _clothing_ , to incapacitate them at fifty paces, or round a corner. But _no_ , some little shit who is just _itching_ to pull his trigger with a gun he barely knows how to aim is somehow considered less dangerous.”

Neither Ben nor Klaus quite know what to say to that and stand there opened mouthed.

“ _Fuckers._ Don’t know what they’re missing.” With that, Diego takes another gulp out of his glass, and wipes his mouth when he places it back down on the bar.

“Uhhh, Diego dear, mind me asking how many of those you’ve had?” Klaus asks slightly warily. Personally, Ben feels that’s rather hypocritical of his brother- but it’s also a question he would quite like the answer too, so he doesn’t say anything.

“Just this one- why do you- oh.” Diego pauses, rubs his face, and scowls. “We’re underage _Klaus_. It’s a fucking coke. Trust me, you’ve given me _all_ the warnings I need about how salvation doesn’t lie at the bottom of a fucking glass. I mean I would be most definitely entitled to a bit of a booze up, after this shit-show of a day though. But I’m not like _you_ , I don’t need to-” Diego makes a vague gesture with his hand “- I like being able to throw things.”

“Well,” Klaus says, and if Ben were in his position, he would be incredibly awkward- hell he feels incredibly awkward, though he still doesn’t want to leave Diego. “Well, I guess _I’ll_ just drink the alcohol you’re entitled to for your shit day then. Because I’m such a good brother. Also, you know, I had quite a tragic day too.”

Ben stares incredulously at Klaus, and Diego raises his eyebrows.

“Yeah, this woman who I’ve met _twice_ now in two different clubs, and both times we went back to hers for a little, you know- hmm do _you_ know? Because now I think of it-”

“I know what _sex_ is, Klaus.” Diego bites out, “I’m not fucking _five_.”

“Pretty sure Five knew what it was too,” Ben can’t help but say to Klaus, he knows Diego didn’t mean it like _that_ , but it’s too funny to pass up. Besides, Diego can’t hear him.

Klaus laughs a little, but thankfully just continues his story as opposed to stealing the joke for himself.

“ _Anyway_ , we went back to hers- _both_ times, but after the second time she told me she didn’t want to do it again, and not to come up to her in the club. Honestly, was heart breaking, but what could I do, she had told me to go away, so I did.” Klaus finishes, with a little nod, and tries to wave over the bartender.

“He’s under twenty-one,” Diego says when the bartender comes over without looking up. Klaus drops his mouth open, as if shocked and hurt. It’s probably an act, mostly.

“He’ll get an apple juice,” Diego says, as means of conciliation. Somehow Ben doubts it will work, but eh. Klaus likes apple juice- or _liked_ it. His brother doesn’t really tend to drink non-alcoholic beverages these days.

There’s still the issue of Diego though, who while he has perked up slightly, still seems to be languishing in some kind of misery, and it seems unlikely to be all caused by whatever drama he’s _told_ them about the police force.

“I really don’t think he’s alright Klaus,” Ben pleads, “come on, he’s bought us so much food, please, he’s our brother. Ask him about it. Or are you really just a shit brother?”

“Such rudeness,” Klaus huffs, folding his arms on the counter, and then leaning forward on them to stare at Diego. “ _And_ I opened myself up to you, you know. You should really tell me all about _your_ bad day in return, as I am your favourite sibling.”

Ben stares at Klaus who gives him a wink and a thumbs up.

“Thanks for asking Klaus,” Ben says, smiling slightly. He gets a thumbs up from the other hand in return.

“You might as well be my only fucking sibling,” Diego bites out, and oh no. This is not good. Family is a touchy subject, with Diego especially, but even if he never seems to _like_ any of the others, he always acknowledges them.

Also, Ben knows he’s dead, but _he_ still thinks of Diego as his brother. That hurts.

Klaus seems to think along similar lines, 

“You know, that’s pretty hurtful, I’m sure if Ben were here, he’d be hurt that you don’t think of him as your brother anymore. Anyway, what about the rest- _are they all dead_ _too?_ ” Frenzied panic has entered Klaus’ voice, “They can’t be though, I would have seen them? What-”

“They’re not dead Klaus. I’m talking about the fact that Allison is on the other side of the country pretending she doesn’t have any siblings, that Luther, as always, is still a colossal shit bag.” An ugly expression takes over Diego’s face as he goes on to continue,

“And fucking _Vanya_. She had _no_ fucking right. I don’t- if I see her again, I- I- I’ll b-burn.” He stops, seemingly overtaken by rage.

Klaus has something to say to that, he’s sure, the man’s never speechless. But Ben doesn’t hear whatever else his brothers go onto talk about, he’s still in shock.

Vanya.

_Vanya_. Their sister, sure her relationship with them hadn’t always been the easiest, and he’s pretty sure it only worsened after he ~~died~~ left, but....

What could have happened to make Diego _hate_ her.

Maybe Ben’s looking at it through rose tinted glasses but, Vanya was… She _is_ good. She wouldn’t- _couldn’t_ \- do anything so bad, surely...

“- and _worst_ of all, she used our _names_. She didn’t even try to give us any kind of anonymity.” Ben tunes back in to hear Diego say, rage simmering now, mixing with sadness.

What? Ben feels like he’s missed something important.

“What?” he says to Klaus, hoping for some clarification. Klaus just sighs.

“Sorry Diego, could you repeat that last bit, I got distracted.”, quieter, to Ben, he mutters “The things I do for you.”

Diego has a slightly incredulous and shocked look on his face but goes to repeat himself anyway.

“I _said,_ that in the fucking book she wrote about us, and all our powers, and the fucking _missions_ , she didn’t even use our numbers, or fake names. She used our _real_ names- so now everyone can _know_. People _do_ fucking know.”

Ben feels himself go cold; she wouldn’t have. Surely. It must not be as bad as Diego’s making out, but the thought of his death being memorialised on some dusty shelf makes him feel sick, their lives opened to the public. Vanya wouldn’t write anything to hurt them though- he’s _sure_ of it. She’s their sister. She wouldn’t.

“Do people really know though? Like there have got to be a bunch of Diego’s in the city, you’re not _that_ special. Anyway, little bit of fame, could do you some good.” It sounds like Klaus is trying to make sense of it too- also to try and calm Diego down.

“Oh they fucking _know,_ Klaus. It’s not too difficult to put Hargreeves, and likes knives, together with Diego. And they wouldn’t let it go. One fucker found the book, and suddenly it was being passed round and everyone was reading it.” Diego pauses, puts on a funny voice as if imitating someone else.

“You did a really good thing back at the academy Diego, really admired your work. You’re a fucking psychopath Hargreeves, stabbing all those robbers. Or: I’m _so sorry_ , about your brother Diego- but he died in the line of duty. You think you’re better than us huh Hargreeves, because you can throw knives? - There might have been more of you freaks in your old academy, but here it’s us ordinary ones who are in charge. Oh D-D-di, you’ve got a stutter say something huh.”

Ben stares shocked, but Diego is on a roll,

“Your brother’s a junkie and you’re on the force? Talk about opposites eh. So, if you’re adopted are you _really_ siblings- cos Allison is _hot_ \- like would you. It sounds like your childhood was _really_ _tough_ , if you ever want to talk about it. Hey Hargreeves, heard your brother’s a homo, good thing you’re not actually related, wouldn’t want those homo genes near me.” Diego stops, hits the counter.

“Do you _see_ , do you see why I-”

“I’m not a homosexual,” Klaus interrupts, sounding put out, Diego nods knowingly, and slightly irritated, “I shall happily sleep with whoever is hot and willing. Honestly, you don’t know what you’re missing out on Diego- men can be an _experience_. This is slander- or libel- or which one is it?

“Slander,” Ben and Diego say together, ignoring the rest of Klaus’ statement.

“Yes slander- my three longest relationships have all been with women so far.”

“Huh,” Diego replies. Personally, Ben feels Klaus is stretching the truth somewhat, as his “third longest relationship” is actually two-hook up woman from earlier, and first place was 5 days. Klaus doesn’t really do relationships.

“Anyway, I wasn’t, I couldn’t fucking take it and-” Diego takes another large swallow of his coke, finishing it off. Ben is starting to wonder about the real reasons Diego up and left the force.

“What did Eudora have to say, about you leaving?” Klaus asks, after a short pause, and wow. Ben hadn’t even thought about her.

“I don’t know. I mean, she likes all the paperwork and the rules- thinks they’re there to protect something or whatever. She was always like, _ugh_ Diego, you can’t just do this or that- and when we were studying, she was always grilling me on proper procedure.” There’s a lighter expression on his face now, like he’s reminiscing happier memories.

“So, she didn’t have anything to say about, Vanya’s book, then?” Klaus presses. Ben’s still not sure what to think- he feels like the only real way to know is to read it, but he doesn’t _want_ to read it in case it’s just as Diego described. Or _worse_. He _likes_ Vanya, he doesn't want these memories.

“I don’t know, she tried to speak to me, but I’ve been avoiding her. I don’t, I didn’t want her to find out like _this_.” he looks very sad and sounds very tired all of a sudden- any previous lightness or rage gone.

“Who said she’s read it?” Ben says, “Klaus, ask him if he’s sure she’s read it.”

“Are you sure she’s read it?” Klaus dutifully passes forth.

“I don’t know, I don’t _care_ , she’s certainly _heard_ all about it.” he says despondently. 

“Tell him to go talk to her about it- if _he_ talks to her, especially if she hasn’t read it then he can go and control the narrative. Eudora’s like his only friend other than us, I swear, I really don’t want him to lose her. Please Klaus.” Ben begs.

Klaus rolls his eyes a little, and Ben knows Klaus dislikes being used as translation for him, but he does it again anyway.

“You know Diego, if _you_ , go to her and talk, you can like, control the narrative or something. Also, she’s cool and I like her.” 

Diego gives Klaus an odd look- which makes sense, because that wasn’t really a Klaus thing to say. Klaus just shrugs in response. Diego won’t believe that Ben’s here, so there’s no point in Klaus mentioning whose advice it really is.

“ _Talk_ , to her,” Klaus says again, this time a little more urgently. “Anyway, I have wasted _enough_ time this night being sober. I’m off to find somewhere else, where my mopey brother _won’t_ tell the bartender my ID’s a fake.” Klaus blows Diego a small kiss, and with that they’re off.

Ben keeps thinking about Diego, and Vanya’s book, and _Vanya_ , for the rest of the night.

He can’t work out what to make of it all. He wants Diego to be wrong- he knows Diego is quicker to anger. But he’d almost sworn off contact with Eudora over this- maybe he _has_. It doesn’t sound like Diego thinks he’s wrong.

But it’s Vanya.

The only way to really find out is to read the book, but Ben doesn’t want to do that. Klaus tends to not want to read so they should be fine.

Ben wonders if Vanya has ever written the book before, or if they’ve just never stumbled into that bar on this night to see Diego.

He misses Vanya.


	12. Blood's Thicker: Part 4

_Still loop 21- around 2 years later_

“We need to find somewhere to sleep Klaus,” Ben says urgently, it’s cold, people are talking about snow, and Klaus is out of money so the easy fix of the motel is gone. Shelters are easier now that Klaus is an adult, but they’ve just been turned away from yet another, and it’s not really seeming like a viable option.

Rehab is not a hotel, and Ben _really_ doesn’t want Klaus to start using it like one, but he’s starting to almost consider suggesting it.

“How much cash do we have left?” Klaus asks, clearly not particularly keen about staying out in this weather either, “We could always go to a 24-hour cafe or something.”

“Assuming you didn’t spend any more while I wasn’t looking, we should have about three, four, bucks left. Not sure if that’s enough to buy ourselves a welcome for the night.” It’s not looking great, but he supposes going and buying the cheapest thing they can and seeing how long that gets them is preferable to nothing.

Klaus is still receiving money from dad- or whoever pays it on his behalf, which is how they’ve been able to get this far, but they’re not owed again for almost three weeks, and it’s really starting to get to Ben.

* * *

Fate is definitely dicking around in Ben’s life, or Klaus’ who knows. But there is most certainly some form of divine meddling going on. Ben refuses to believe otherwise.

Klaus gets jumped on the way to the cafe. Ben guesses he looks like an easy target, he’s small, scraggly, and doesn’t look entirely there either. He also doesn’t look like a particularly _good_ target though- Ben’s not sure who looks at Klaus and thinks he has something worth taking. People clearly do though.

Fools.

Klaus shrieks and elbows start flying. He’s a better fighter than most people take him for- firstly he was trained since he was a kid in how to incapacitate a person, even if Klaus never really took to it like Luther, or Five, or really any of them other than Ben and Vanya- Vanya hadn’t had the option to learn.

Secondly, he’s got Ben to act as a lookout, and to tell him when to duck, or when someone is trying to sneak up on him from behind.

It would be a stretch to say Klaus was winning, but he certainly wasn’t losing. At least not as fast as the muggers had clearly hoped. Ben didn’t think there was anything particularly victorious about someone grabbing your hair and bashing your head into a wall as you bit their friend’s arm.

They clear off once they hear the wail of police sirens. Thankfully _without_ Klaus’ measly few dollars.

As attackers go these ones are pretty incompetent, they’d barely dragged Klaus out of sight so it’s not that surprising that a passer-by called the police.

When the cops approach though- that _is_ surprising. 

“Is that Eudora?” Ben asks, as the two cops approach, a man and a woman- a woman who looks pretty familiar.

“Sir are you alright?” the other cop, presumably her partner calls out.

“Umm, if I say no will you give me something to help?” Klaus calls out hopefully. Ben facepalms beside him.

“Did you get a good look at them?” Eudora asks, and yes, that is definitely Eudora, Ben thinks.

“Yup, that is Eudora, huh.” Klaus says to him, sounding surprised. It makes sense though- Ben’s met her more times than Klaus has.

“Eudora huh?” the other cop says knowingly, “You know this guy?”

She peers a bit closer, trying to get a better look in the poor light.

“Oh, hey, uh Klaus?” to her partner she says, “He’s Hargreeves’ brother. We’ve met before.” That’s interesting- the other guy must have known Diego too.

“Yep, Klaus, that’s me. How _is_ , my brother dearest?” Klaus asks, perking up at the confirmation that she remembers him.

“Uh, good, I guess.” She says awkwardly, glancing at the other cop. “Would you like me to call and ask him to pick you up? Have you got somewhere to be?” It’s clear to Ben that she strongly (and correctly) assumes Klaus is homeless.

Ben nods fervently at Klaus, “Ask them to call Diego, we need somewhere to sleep.”

“You’d do that for _me_!” Klaus grins, “Yes _please_ call Diego. Thank you very much _Eudora_.” Her face seems to twitch just a little at the sound of her name.

Eudora chooses to sit with them while Diego comes, and her partner returns to the car. Diego’s not long.

“Klaus.” He says, “Eudora.”

“Officer _Patch_.” she corrects, but not too sternly. “Have a good night Diego, you too Klaus.” With that she leaves, though Ben can see Diego clearly wants to talk to her more.

“What the hell happened to you Klaus?” Diego asks, as he gets a better look at his brother.

“Got mugged.” Klaus shrugs.

“For _what?”_ Diego asks incredulously- which is a little harsh, but well Ben agrees- Klaus doesn’t look like he has much.

“Never mind, come back to mine and I can patch you up. Unless you’ve got somewhere else to sleep.” the second part is said doubtfully, and Ben can tell he’s just trying to give Klaus an out.

“I am always willing to see your house!” Klaus says, and tries to throw him up into Diego’s arms. His brother is an idiot, and grimaces when the sudden movement hurts his head.

Diego just rolls his eyes and gently leads their idiot injured brother into the cab and back to wherever it is that Diego is living now.

* * *

Where Diego is living now turns out to be a basement? Or a broom closet? Ben’s not entirely sure.

Not that Ben’s judging, it solidly beats Klaus’ nothing.

“Nice digs, I really like the whole _dungeon_ vibe you have going on.” Klaus comments as they enter. Ben shoots him a look to remind him to _watch_ himself.

“Shut up. The homeless man doesn’t get to judge,” Diego responds, not rising to the bait and instead pulling out a first aid kit from under his bed, “I get it for real cheap in exchange for doing the odd jobs, and I get to use the gym for free so it’s not all bad.” Diego shrugs. “I’ve got to do something now I’ve left the police.”

“What about the lovely officer Patch?” Klaus singsongs suggestively.

“She likes the police force- why would she leave it?” Ben can’t tell if Diego is being deliberately or unintentionally dense. But maybe Ben has just been misjudging everything- maybe they _are_ just friends. This time. Eudora Patch is important to his brother, and that’s all that Ben really cares about, the finer details are immaterial.

“Now shush, while I check if you’re alright. You’re being as irritating as usual so I’m assuming you don’t have a concussion.” Diego says as he ghosts his fingers gently over the back of Klaus’ head.

“Why don’t you move into an _actual_ apartment Diego? You’ve got to have the money, surely. Like I have enough to do a _bunch_ of drugs, and you also have a job.” Klaus has clearly decided that shutting up is optional.

“It’s big enough for me, and it’s not like I’ve got anyone else here is it?” Diego returns, sighs, “I don’t use dad’s money, okay, and my job’s not _that_ great.”

That makes a lot of sense, Diego’s always been proud. Proud, and kind of spiteful. It probably brings him a lot of satisfaction to refuse their father’s money.

“But what if someone else were to live here- or stay here. You know, it’s a bit small for two.” Klaus says slightly suggestively, clearly still trying to tease Diego about Eudora.

Diego for his part, looks genuinely thoughtful though,

“I guess you’re right. Something to think about if someone else wants to live with me I guess.” Diego doesn’t elaborate further though, and his tone suggests the topic is closed. 

Ben’s got the hindsight of having lived through several previous loops though. He’s wondering if this is Diego’s way of trying to offer Klaus an out- it probably is, but Ben wants to be sure. These chances don’t come around often.

“Okay I’ve cleaned you up, and I’m really hoping that you’re all good- nothing feels broken or anything so you should be good.” He steps back and allows Klaus to get up. Who promptly takes the opportunity to go and rummage through all of Diego’s stuff.

Ben rolls his eyes; some things never change.

“You kept it!” Klaus states excitedly, holding something up. Ben turns his head to get a look at the small object- it’s a thirty-hour chip.

“It was a birthday present,” Diego shrugs, “Though I can’t say I particularly appreciated you fucking off without a note and with my keys.” This is said considerably more accusingly.

To his credit, Ben notes, Klaus does look slightly abashed, but he doesn’t say anything, or offer any explanations or excuses.

“Anyone ever tell you that you’ve got a knife fetish?” Klaus asks, having placed the chip back down, and moved on to Diego’s considerable case showcasing his collection of knives.

“You, repeatedly” Diego says, from where he’s lying on the bed. He sounds amused though. So far this isn’t going so badly- Klaus has yet to do anything that’s likely to get him kicked. Ben just hopes that it will stay that way.

“I just say what I see”, Klaus shoots back.

“You going to mess my stuff up all night, or do you want to sleep?” Diego asks tiredly, frankly Ben’s been impressed at his patience tonight. He guesses Klaus being beaten up earns him some leeway in Diego’s book.

“Fiiinnne, but you better not be a blanket hog Diego.” Klaus says, shucking his shoes and jacket.

“Me? You’re the one who’s always stealing the blankets!” Diego retorts, clearly quite offended.

When it’s like this Ben can almost pretend, they’re back at the academy before he died, sleeping over in each other’s rooms, and laughing at the rebellion. It’s nice, and it’s peaceful. He feels Klaus drift off because he starts to drift off too.

Diego leaves before Klaus wakes up, Ben’s aware enough- even when Klaus is asleep- to notice _that_. He’s left a note though.

* * *

_Klaus,_

_I’ve gone to sort some stuff out._

_Don’t make a mess._

_Diego._

He wonders vaguely what Diego might have gone to sort.

“Where’s Diego gone?” Klaus asks him, no qualms about talking to Ben when there’s no one else in the room.

“Note said he’s got stuff to do, don’t know how long he’ll be.”

“Hmmmm, well I guess we better be off then, turn away while I change would you Benny.”

Ben stares, “What do you mean you’re leaving?” he asks incredulously, “Are you not even going to say bye?”

“I’ll leave a note, now turn around please. Do you think Diego would mind if I borrowed some of his clothes? Actually, they’re all black, he probably won’t even notice.”

Ben turns to face the door, but he’s getting a bad feeling. “Just tell him in the note you’re leaving I suppose.”, he’s bitter and some of it leaks into his tone.

“Look, I know you want me to stay, but I have no plans on sobering up, which is what Diego is going to want if I stay so I’m off before he tries to keep me here. Or whips out all the guilt trips.” With that Klaus strides past him and Ben has no choice but to follow him out of the room.

* * *

“Klaus, _why_ are we here?” Ben asks urgently, they’ve just entered a pawn shop- but not the usual one where Klaus goes to sell anything of value, he ever seems to get his hands on. He notices a collection of Umbrella Academy figurines and suddenly everything clicks.

“What did you take from Diego’s room when I wasn’t looking? WHAT DID YOU TAKE?!” He shouts, not caring how uncomfortable he makes Klaus.

“You know what, I don’t even care, just don’t do this Klaus, please,” he begs.

His brother ignores him as he repeatedly rings the bell to attract the owner from the back.

“ _Klaus._ ” Ben tries one more time.

“Jesus Christ. This is why I need the drugs, your _constant nagging_ , and for those I need money so-.” he breaks off, the owner has come to the front of the shop.

“Buy or sell?” The man asks, giving Klaus the once over.

“I want to sell, I have a genuine umbrella academy item- belonged to Number Two, it’s a knife.” Klaus brings it out to lay it on the counter.

“Mom gave him that knife Klaus, Klaus! Diego’s not going to _forgive_ you-” Klaus turns his head to snarl at him, and Ben realises that it’s gone. His hopes of Klaus not _fucking it up_. It’s damage control now, Ben’s mind is whirling thinking of plans and ways to try and repair this damage. Keeping Klaus, far, far away from Diego is probably the first step.

“Gen-u-ine mer-chen-dise you say?” the owner asks, stressing the syllables oddly. He pauses, assessing, “Good quality knife either way, silver plated. I’ll give you one-fifteen for it”

The words are scarcely out of the owner’s mouth before Klaus is thanking him and seizing his hand to shake it.

Klaus promptly goes and spends about $50 on whatever the first dealer he approaches is selling, which happens to be Xanax.

At least Ben doesn’t have to be fully here to dwell in how much he _hates_ Klaus in this moment.

* * *

Ben had been working on his plan to try and fix things over, which primarily had relied upon _avoiding_ Diego at all costs.

So that’s why naturally Diego catches up with them 4 days later, waiting outside a drug store where Klaus had gone to restock on condoms as he exited.

Ben _really_ wants to know how Diego always seems to be able to find them.

“Heyyyy, Diego…” Klaus says, looking very much like he wanted to run away, Ben didn’t blame him. The look on Diego’s face was unsettling to say the least.

“So, uh, have you come for the knife, because Diego, well I’m sorry, but you see-” Whatever bullshit Klaus was going to try and spout out to remedy the situation is harshly cut off by Diego.

“You’ve sold it already. I know.” Diego pauses, takes in a deep breath, he’s not shouting. He sounds very calm, but incredibly angry. 

“No. I have _come here_ to find you and tell you that I will _not_ be seeing you again, and I don’t want to hear from you again unless you’re in possession of five fucking years of sobriety- because that’s how much time I’ve spent on you. I thought that you were the one in the family that being _siblings_ might actually mean something to.” He spits.

“Sort your fucking life out Klaus.” With that Diego leaves.

Ben wants to cry. He doesn’t want Diego to hate them- or just Klaus technically- but Ben always thinks of him and Klaus as a “them”, as a team. He’s aware he’s trying to live vicariously through Klaus at this point- get the relationship _he_ wants with his siblings second hand, but does it really matter? By this point, after so many loops, him and his life are so wrapped up and in Klaus’ it sometimes feels like his own. 

So, it’s not fair, Diego doesn’t get to hate _him_ , Ben, _he’s_ done nothing wrong, but this is where Klaus has gotten them.

But two can play that game, Ben can hate Diego too. Diego, who is allowed to just _stop_ , or give up after he’s finally had _enough_ of Klaus. Not like Ben who is just living his failures over and over again- and if Ben tries to stop giving a shit about Klaus, he’s forced to relive his own death. Diego, who gets second chance after second chance from Klaus who doesn’t _know_ how many times Diego has cast him away in the past because Ben’s the only one who remembers it.

Diego talks big about siblings, but every time he still seems to ultimately reject Klaus.

_Klaus_.

Ben hates Klaus a bit too. He who gets chance after chance to fuck it up- still fucks it up when he has, Ben, and Diego, and seemingly fucking _fate_ on his side, he makes the same options. Klaus is why they’re in this situation right now anyway.

He just _had_ to steal the knife didn’t he, every time they move in with Diego Klaus fucks it up- he takes something, does something that Diego _can’t_ move on from. Ben wants Klaus to grow the fuck up.

* * *

Klaus wanders off to go get some new drugs, or whatever the fucks else the man will do with the remainder of a nice sum of money from selling “gen-u-ine Umbrella Academy Mer-chen-dise”. Ben knows he should really watch this, dealers are risky business, so many chances for things to go wrong. Hell, the amount of dealers Ben just has blacklisted by this point. 

But fuck it, Klaus is a big boy, he can make his own decisions for a few hours while Ben tunes out. He’s still rankling from Klaus’ choice to fuck it all up, and Diego ditching them both not just 4 hours ago.

Ben doesn’t feel so angry now, he’s starting to feel almost peaceful. He glances at Klaus.

Klaus doesn’t look so good.

_Oh fuck_.

That’s why he doesn’t feel angry.

The blackness swallows him up.

* * *

Ben comes back swinging and clocks Diego under the chin. Hard. It feels good.

He still apologises though; he needs to keep Diego sweet and onside and he doesn’t have much time.

It’s just training- they’ve done _worse_ to each other. He doesn’t feel too bad.

Okay he feels a bit bad. But this time Ben is going to make sure that Klaus doesn’t fuck it all up. How exactly, he’s not sure, but he’s got a few years to plan. Ultimately, it’s going to come down to either keeping Klaus away from Diego- not ideal or keeping Klaus from making bad decisions- barely possible.

He’ll see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it, and feel free to let me know if you notice any errors.


	13. Living Life Out on the Street: Part 4

_Loop 23_

****

He’s letting Klaus live his life the way _he_ wants to this time. Ben’s a shitty fucking brother- who is he to try and help. Klaus seems to enjoy his party lifestyle, the drugs, and the hooking up, and the freedom- no strict routines or regimens to stick to.

When Klaus is basically utterly off his head the majority of the time it makes it harder for Ben to really care anyway. He’s still there, but…

Ben has to try _so_ hard to think. It’s easier to just, sort of observe. To watch what Klaus does in a sleepy and confused manner, like it’s a TV program that he’s only half paying attention to. That’s what it’s like when Klaus isn’t sober- it’s the coming-downs, and the withdrawals, or when Klaus’s high is just beginning that he’s really able to think, and plan, and _talk_ to his brother.

Ben said it was like a distant TV program, being around an off his head Klaus- so he’s not really paying attention. Some things still make him feel alert and sit up though. Things like this- currently in the most recent.

_Jordan._

That’s what he’d said his name was anyway- in a loop that had ended nastily and made Ben grateful that Klaus didn’t appear to remember any of what had happened. Somehow Ben kind of doubted it was his real name, but it had been how he’d introduced himself to Klaus, so that was how Ben was going to think of him.

It was shorter than “absolute piece of human scum and filth serial killer who gave Ben the utmost creeps and had shown them his small collection of fingernails from previous victims before strangling his brother to death.”

No other spirits had ever cropped up around the man- even Klaus had enough self-preservation to realise to _avoid_ people who collected ghosts. But Klaus had been smashed, so that doesn’t mean they weren’t there.

It wasn’t really something Ben liked to dwell on either- he remembered the man’s face- how could he forget, to make sure Klaus stayed away, but he tried his best to crush all the memories. A sense of guilt fills him however- because just because _Klaus_ hasn’t encountered this guy in a while, he’s still been _existing_. Is _Ben_ to blame for other people’s deaths because he doesn’t _tell_ anyone.

Ben’s being forced to relive his death and repeat existence on a torturous loop, so _what_ if he’s a little bit selfish? He knows it’s not really a good excuse though, but would you have him _do?_

But who is he to tell? _How_ is he to tell? He’s a fucking dead ghost, he’s a _time travelling_ ghost, and his conduit is a drug addict who seems unlikely to willingly go into a police station if you paid him. Klaus claims to have had enough of a life of do-gooding in the academy- and while Ben’s not sure if it would stretch as far to this, he doesn’t really _want_ to find out.

Klaus forgets all once time resets; Ben is stuck with everything he learns about Klaus for the rest of his life. Or death, existence. Whatever.

That’ s not the issue now though. Now the point is to get Klaus as far away as is at all possible from Jordan, from this bar, from this street- back to somewhere public, or safe and with a lock. He wasn’t meant to intervene this time, but he’s throwing that new rule right out of the window.

_Screw_ letting Klaus make his own choices. Not when his choices are going to end up with _this._ It’s hard to really assert himself when Klaus is like this- drugs booze, whatever Ben hasn’t really been paying attention. But it’s important.

“ _Klaus._ Klaus, I don’t, I think we should go,” Ben says, as urgently as he can, his eyes dart between where “Jordan” is sat, eyes fixed on Klaus, and his brother. He can feel it though, Klaus isn’t going to listen to him, he never _does,_ and it’s going to go wrong, and what does he need to _say_ , need to _do_ , to get Klaus out of there?

“I- _please_ , Klaus, I really think we-” he keeps going, desperate to get his brother to just _listen._ He stops though, derailed, because Klaus has stopped what he’s doing, and turned to where Ben stands at his shoulder to look at him. Ben can see Klaus wants to say something, wants an explanation, but presumably feels kind of uncomfortable talking to himself in the middle of a club- generally Klaus cares less and less about that sort of thing as time goes on, but in clubs his brother always seems to want to put on his best and most “normal” display.

He has Klaus’ attention though; this is his _chance._

“See that guy over there-” He points to where “Jordan” is sitting and still staring at them- or Klaus really, Klaus shifts his vision and nods at Ben, “-he’s been staring at you _the whole time_ you’ve been there, and he’s giving me really bad vibes. I just, can we _please_ get out of here? _Please_.”

“Jordan” has noticed Klaus staring back at him though, and as opposed to looking away gives him a knowing smile and starts to make his way over. And no, _fuck no_ , Ben sees what that piece of human excrement is doing. If he were still alive right now, he would go up and unleash the Horror, consequences be damned, death be fucked.

But he’s not, all he’s got are his words, and the hope that Klaus will listen to his brother over whatever thing he wants next.

They’re not very strong weapons, but they’ll have to be enough.

“You’re looking cute, over there. Shocked you’re all alone” Jordan says to Klaus eyeing him up, and Ben is shaking, muttering Klaus, and please, and leave and praying they’ll all be enough, a sickening feeling rising every more as Klaus smiles and opens his mouth to _reply_.

“Thank _you_ , I’m well aware. Unfortunately I was just about to go, see my brother’s been calling _really_ wants me outside _now_ , no idea why so I guess I better go-” Klaus drawls out, sounding almost regretful, Ben feels a feeling of hope bubble in his chest.

“Jordan” though, does not seem pleased- though it shows as disappointment on his face, and takes another step towards Klaus,

“At this time of night? I was really hoping we could, you know, get to _know_ each other a little better…” the fucker has the gall to let out a wink.

“Tell him it’s Diego- mention he’s a cop, don’t go with him, don’t let him follow you. _Please._ ” Ben bites out desperately, praying it works.

“I _know_ right? So inconvenient of him, but if he wants to talk I better go, I guess the _police_ academy must keep weird hours huh?” Klaus lets out a little laugh here and shakes his head.

“Well, I guess if you _have_ to go with your brother best not to keep him waiting then. You’re really missing out though honey.” There’s still a flirtatious tone in his voice, but he’s started to back away- to let Klaus go.

Ben lets out a huge sigh of relief when they reach the next block away from the club and there’s no one following them. Klaus keeps walking until they reach one of those 24-hour diner places, it’s no Griddy’s, but it’s lit and inside so it will do- there’s a teenager at the counter, headphones on, oblivious to any conversations that might be going on. Perfect.

Klaus slides into a booth and Ben sits down next to him, still shaky with relief. Turning to Klaus he’s met with a glare.

“No. _You_ , little brother, are going to sit opposite me and explain what just happened and why I had to give up what could have been a _delightful_ experience with a good-looking man, brother mine.” Klaus taps the table expectantly.

Ben does as he asks and gets up to move to opposite Klaus, he doesn’t start explaining first, trying to buy time by asking a question that he’s been starting to wonder.

“If you’re so annoyed by it why did you listen to me then?” Ben asks, genuinely curious, “You could have stayed there and-” _and gotten murdered_ Ben thinks, and starts shaking again, feeling sick, feeling relieved, feeling _guilty_ , that there’s probably going to be someone else tonight.

“That’s why.” Ben looks up- confused, what does Klaus _mean_ , it shows on his face, and Klaus continues, “The shaking, and the face that looks like you’ve just eaten one of Five’s monstrosities of a sandwich. You _never_ comment on _anything_ I do, and suddenly you’re having a conniption and _begging_ me to get out of there. Honestly if I didn’t know you any better Benny, I’d say you were being homophobic. Except you’ve never cared in the past so…” Klaus pauses, “Honestly don’t know, what a waste of a night.”

“I just got really bad vibes off of him,” Ben says, as honestly as he can, the most honest answer he can give without giving out information he’d rather not share.

“Hmmm,” Klaus hums doubtfully, “Sounds fake, but what do I care? Other fish in the sea, personally I’m thinking hot chocolate and then finding somewhere to sleep this high off, it’s starting to make me droopy. You should talk more, it’s less creepy than just having some weird shadow phantom at my shoulder. You always were the responsible one I guess.”

Personally, Ben doesn’t agree with that, he’s hardly _responsible_ , it’s just that Klaus is so wonderfully and irritatingly chaotic that anyone with half a modicum of common sense is responsible in relation to him. Hell, Klaus probably thinks _Diego_ is responsible, as if their brother doesn’t have a problematic habit of throwing knives at everything and anything that annoys or startles him.

There are a lot of things he wants to say, and he’s not really sure what to settle on, or how to convey what he’s really thinking.

“I want you to be safe” is what he eventually decides. It’s true, both for Klaus’ own well-being, and his duty as a brother, but also to try and preserve this god forsaken loop.

“See, responsible.” Is all that Klaus has to say in response.

They sit there for a while, until true to his word Klaus goes off to find somewhere to sleep- which turns out to be checking himself into rehab because Ben _really_ wants him to sleep somewhere with walls tonight. Another day gone.

* * *

A few weeks later they, or well Klaus, meets up with Diego again outside Griddy’s. He’s looking very serious, which isn’t uncharacteristic for Diego, but in most of their interactions Diego normally looks happier.

Huh, maybe talking to or helping Klaus is more important to Diego than Ben had thought.

But their brother looks very stressed, pretty harried, and very much like he wants to talk. Exactly how he found ~~them~~ , Klaus, is a mystery to Ben considering the man doesn’t own a phone, and it’s a mystery he’d like an answer to, if only for future reference. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like Klaus cares much.

“Klaus, have you got a minute? I’ll pay for anything you want to eat; I really need to talk.” There’s a panic and fever in his eye that Ben hasn’t really seen since, well, since the bank, in those last few glances out of his living eyes, up at his brother, panicking and too young to know what to do.

Unfortunately, it seems that Ben wasn’t too young to die.

He’s getting off track though, Klaus agrees, easily swayed by the promise of free food, and while Klaus may not be hugely close with _any_ of the family (other than Ben) he’s rarely opposed to spending time with Diego. Personally, Ben is just curious, and a little worried about what Diego might have to say.

They sit down at a booth, and Diego is so tightly wound it almost hurts Ben to look at him, but he doesn’t say anything. Klaus must pick up on this too because he can’t help but comment.

“ _Wow_ , Diego, you look tense. Did you come to ask me for a little something to help you relax? Because if so I’m sorry, but I am all out of that good, good stuff. I can always hook you-”

Diego hits the table cutting Klaus off, “No! I do _not_ want any drugs,” he hisses the words “drugs” looking around as he does so, “I am a _police officer_ \- probationary -, and would really appreciate it if my brother did _not_ tell me potentially incriminating information or _offer_ me illegal substances when I am trying to _help_ him!” Diego shouts the last bit, his anger clearly building. He stops though, and shakes his head, breathing out.

“Sorry, for losing my temper, Eudora says… anyway, I need to talk to you, it’s kind of confidential though, so don’t.” Diego abruptly stops as a server comes over to ask them what they want to eat.

Klaus orders the biggest plate of waffles on the menu- likely just to be obnoxious since Diego offered to pay, and Ben can tell that Diego thinks so too, because he gives Klaus an extremely unimpressed look, but doesn’t say anything and simply orders a coffee for himself.

Not black though- seems Diego’s not quite as much of a stereotype as he makes it seem.

Diego drums the table a few times, seemingly unsure where to start, before nodding, as if he’s made a decision.

“I’m guessing it would be too much to expect you’ve been keeping up with the news at all lately,” is how he chooses to start.

“Well you know me, it’s just so booooring, and I’d much rath-” Klaus responds before Diego cuts him off with a hand and a nod.

“Yeah, yeah, I’d expected as much. Well if you _had_ been following the news at all you would be aware that there’s been four murders in the past two months. Not officially, you understand, _that’s_ not in the papers, according to them they’re just missing. However, when the police department receives fingers missing nails, and no demands at ransom or any other contact… Yeah. We’re calling murder.”

Ben has a sinking feeling about where this is going, and guilt that he’s been doing his best to ignore is back to eat at him. Klaus clearly does not.

“Ummm, charming breakfast conversation Diego, but if this is revenge to put me off my breakfast?” Klaus trails off expectantly/

“No, no. Okay, what I’m about to tell you next you can _absolutely_ not tell _anybody_ , it’s an ongoing investigation, I shouldn’t even be telling you. Well not this bit- the bit after what I’m about to say. Okay, so all four people were last spotted at clubs in this local-” Diego quickly shuts up as their food arrives, instead nodding, and presumably attempting to smile at their server, but in his tense state it appears quite disconcerting.

There’s a small pause, and then Diego continues again.

“Right, so all of them were at clubs in this local area, well three were, but there’s reason to suspect the fourth was too, so all four, and they were all guys around your height and colouring,” Diego says significantly, staring directly at Klaus.

Klaus doesn’t say anything, and just blinks, but to someone who knows Klaus as well as they do his silence speaks volumes as to his understanding.

“Okay, so you see why I’m telling you this, because I know you spend all your time around here- and you’re my brother. Right, we currently have a few suspects under investigation, and frankly things aren’t moving quite as fast as I would have hoped, paperwork and _warrants_ and ugh… anyway- I’ve got pictures of them here. I want you to take a look at them, and if you see any of them to get the _hell_ out of dodge. Okay? Tell them your brother’s a cop- leave out the probationary bit, doesn’t sound as cool, and I’ve got this for you.”

Diego reaches into the backpack he’s left on the seat next to him and removes a canister of pepper spray.

“It won’t sell for much on the street I doubt, so don’t bother trying to pawn it to get drugs, I’d get you a phone but I know exactly how that would end up and I don’t much fancy some random person having my number. But if you _see_ any of these people- or just _any_ creep starts giving you shit. Dad’s a piece of shit, but he trained us, and you do whatever the hell you have to do to get out of there okay?”

Diego finishes, and finally breaks eye contact with Klaus to reach yet again into his bag to remove a bunch of pictures. They’re not mugshots, and Ben’s not entirely sure how Diego got a hold of these photos, he’s attached names to them too, on little post-it notes- not that it would help Klaus any really. Ben doubts these people would use their real names to pick up people who they were planning on _murdering_.

He recognises one of the photos though- which is a relief, because that means the police are onto “Jordan” who is apparently called _Gordon Cano_ \- and what kind of fake name is _Jordan_ then? This is really not what Ben should be getting all fussed about, but _really_ , it’s all he can focus on.

Klaus notices the picture too though, and Ben can pinpoint the exact moment at which Klaus recognises the man too. In turn, Diego notices Klaus’ own reaction.

“Do you recognise that guy? Uh, Cano?” Diego asks leaning forward, desperate for any information.

“Nooooo, he’s just kind of handsome you know? I’m sure if he met _me,_ he’d think I was ravishing also, really I do and-” 

Diego is clearly not having any of it though, and Ben is fuming.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” they shout simultaneously, they both go to continue, but Klaus shoots Ben what he calls Klaus’, please only one person at a time look, and decides to hold his tongue until Diego is finished speaking.

“He’s a suspected _murderer_ , and you’re fucking joking around? If you get near him, for the love of good please get away, I know that sometimes you’re absolutely braindead, but against all odds of natural selection I would like it if all the sole _remaining_ brother I have that’s not a complete dick stayed _alive_. I know I don’t talk to you enough but-”

“I wouldn’t go near him if I ever saw him again, don’t worry.” Klaus interjects, whether he means it genuinely or if it’s just to get Diego to shut up Ben’s not sure.

“ _Again_?! You’ve met this guy before?! So he’s okay? Wait why don’t you want to go near him- is there something we should be checking up on?” He asks, a mix of panicked and excited.

“You should tell him Klaus,” Ben interjects, though what he wants Klaus to tell him he’s not sure. His siblings don’t believe that Ben’s here, which, well it’s fair he guesses. It’s also pretty fucking irritating.

“So, a few weeks ago, this guy hit on me at a club, uhh the one with the nice fishy drinks the…” Klaus snaps his fingers clearly trying to think of the name

“Magenta,” Ben supplies.

“Yup, the Magenta,” Klaus continues, “anyway, he clearly had great taste- because have you seen me, but I uh noped out of there pretty fast because like he’d been staring at me all night apparently, and the spirits were like, yo Klaus, this man got bad vibes. So, I was like, hah you’re cute and all but I’m better and then I left.”

There’s a small pause,

“I may have also told him I had a cop brother so he wouldn’t follow me.”

Diego’s mouth flickers a bit at that, but Ben can see he wants to press on with other questions.

“Spirits- there were spirits around him? Did they say anything- had he killed them? Can-”

“Nooo, no no no,” Klaus cuts him off, “When I said spirits, I meant like _auras_ you know, vibes, not like ghosts- not ghosts there, but then again I was like, on some pretty sweet stuff, and the ghosts always shut up after that soooo.”

“Tell him to look into this guy, _please_. I really get bad vibes about him” Ben interjects, this might be his opportunity to set some of his guilt to rest

“But uh yeah, bad vibes, my sixth sense tells me you should look into that guy,” Klaus dutifully passes on for Ben, who gives him a thumbs up in return.

“Okay, okay, I’ll see what I can do, I mean it might be hard to get anyone to listen because I’m just _probationary_ , and I don’t have _proof_ , I have proof- why does it have to be so specific…” Diego clearly catches himself muttering and pulls himself together.

“Right I really have to get going, I’ve wasted too much time as it is- enjoy your food. I’m gonna need the pictures back, but uh keep the pepper spray. Stay safe. I don’t want to have to arrest you okay?”

“I love you lots too Diego” Klaus sing songs out, which does a weird thing to Diego’s face, namely scowling- which actually, considering this is Diego they’re talking about, is not that weird.

There’s still a question niggling at Ben though, so he asks Klaus to ask it for him.

“Yo, Diego,” he shouts at, just as Diego is about to step through the door. Their brother turns back to Klaus, as if to say hurry it up, “How did you find me- maybe you’re the stalker I should be worried about!”

Okay, Ben did not ask him to add that last bit on, and Diego is clearly unimpressed, though he answers anyway.

“I just stalked out Griddy’s and the local chemists in the area for the past two days. You always stay within the general 10 block area. You’re a pain, but you’re not that hard to find. If you hadn’t shown up I would have started scouting the dealing sites.”

With that Diego exits, leaving Ben and Klaus alone at their table.

Well, that answers that question, and Ben guesses it makes sense. Certainly makes more sense than his theories of Diego somehow _tracking_ Klaus.

“So how did you know.” Klaus’ sudden question breaks Ben out of his reverie. He doesn’t bother trying to pretend he doesn’t know what Klaus’ is talking about.

_Jordan_ , or rather Gordon, he supposes.

“I didn’t,” he lies, “I just really didn’t like the way he was staring at you all night. He really creeped me out.”

Klaus doesn’t look particularly convinced, but what can he do. Perhaps this will teach Klaus to trust Ben’s instincts and advice better in the future.

If there _is_ a future.

Ben stares at the canister of pepper spray still lying on the table and feels a longing for his siblings well up inside of him.

It’s all very well being able to see Diego- if rarely, but it’s not the same when Diego doesn’t even know he’s there. In regard to the rest of them, Ben doesn’t even get to _see_ them ever. Not unless Klaus dies.

The pepper spray is a symbol though- he’s not alone in his quest to keep Klaus alive. Even if Diego doesn’t know he has an ally.

Klaus continues to eat his breakfast, keeping up a commentary on how Diego had changed since the last time they’d met each other in this loop.

Klaus bets it’s because he’s met a girl. Ben refuses to take that bet. He’s met Eudora, or well, had Diego introduce Klaus to her, oblivious to Ben’s own existence. Klaus is both right and wrong, but it’s nice to listen to Klaus talk anyway.

* * *

This loop ends too, like all the others before it. But Ben’s done some good, and he’s learnt something too. He can target his advice, and his disgust and his dismay at Klaus’ actions- Klaus does listen more if he speaks less.

It wasn't a particularly pleasant experience watching Klaus spiral into drugs worse than before though. He can still make his disapproval clear next time- _times_ , without speaking- without being labelled a _nag_.

He keeps check and store of all the people Klaus needs to avoid- dealers that don’t take kindly to being stiffed, or people who Klaus should never go off alone with. Places where things can go too wrong too fast, cops that are particularly petty or cruel. He marks them all down in his head, and he makes sure that Klaus will listen when he speaks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay in posting, I've hit a bit of a motivation block. I have the next 6? chapters written and the 3 after those plotted, but I just can't seem to find the time or motivation to actually get around to writing them. I've finally finished some stuff irl though, so I should have more time.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	14. Do I Stay or Diego? Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next arc (this is one of my favourites and one of the first things I had planned), it's also (mostly) one continuous story so it's slightly different.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it.

_Loop 25_

Klaus either doesn’t make it long enough for Diego to try and get him to move in, or Ben somehow meddles things so that it doesn’t happen, but three more loops pass before Ben actually has a chance to try and implement his plan.

The ideal solution would just be to make sure Klaus is sober the entire time, so he’s never worried about Diego forcing him into rehab, but if Ben’s going to be living in fantasy land he’d like to be alive, and for the Horror to not exist.

Unfortunately, Ben can’t get what he wants, because this is the _real_ world. Where time-travel and superhero powers are a thing, but the idea of a sober Klaus is laughable.

Really puts things into perspective.

This loop though, once it has gone five years- they’ll be twenty-one. It’ll be around the right time for Diego to start making noise, or at least have the idea somewhere in his head. Even if _he’s_ not aware of it.

Ben’s plan is to put the idea into _Klaus’_ head first. Not that Diego is planning on offering, or anything that might rouse suspicion, but the simple idea that, you know, maybe living with Diego wouldn’t be so bad.

Personally, Ben thinks it would be a great idea- Klaus would be off the streets so that would be several dangers if not utterly removed, considerably reduced. It might be easier to convince Klaus to try and sort his problems out once he has some stability, and Ben gets to hang with another sibling.

This is not exactly how Ben’s planning on phrasing it to Klaus, but he thinks he’ll draw from the general gist. Honesty is the best policy and all that- though in Ben’s case it’s always heavily edited honesty. Real honesty just seems to create more problems.

* * *

First things first, make contact with Diego- sure their brother always finds them, but it seems to be an ability he picks up with time. Which makes sense considering the revelation that Diego just finds them based off of the probability of where Klaus is- it probably takes a while for Diego to work it out. Hence, Diego very rarely seems to make first contact. If Diego _does_ make first contact, then it’s usually later in a loop too. Ben can’t be bothered to play with the small chance that Diego will just be happening to enter or leave the building when they arrive- so staking out the police academy is out.

Instead he chooses to write a letter, or rather he gets Klaus to write one. He doesn’t get why the idea didn’t occur to him earlier- that Diego now likely has a fixed address where no one is tracking and monitoring all his incoming mail, and an easy way of contacting him. Admittedly it would have to be a one-way system- Klaus isn’t reliably in anyone place for long- but it could help to make things easier.

Then again, he’ll see how long he can continue to convince Klaus to spend money on paper, and envelopes, and stamps over food or drugs.

Ben’s new approach also has the hopeful benefit that Klaus doesn’t need to be entirely sober to meet Diego- not if they’re avoiding the police academy and all the other cadets. It’s not that Ben _wants_ to tolerate Klaus’ addictive behaviour, but he doesn’t have a massive choice and at least it gives him more options. Sober Klaus tends to be a very small window of opportunity to work in.

There’s no way for Diego to send a reply however, so Klaus asks to meet Diego a week on Sunday at Griddy’s for 2pm, and they both pray that Diego decides to show up. If it were down to Klaus Ben would have no faith in him remembering to actually show up, but Ben’s here to remind him so, Diego dependant, part one, first contact should all go ahead just fine.

* * *

Diego’s already there and waiting by the time they show up, looking around while trying- and failing- to be subtle about it.

“Yoo-hoo!” Klaus calls out, “How’s life as a free man, finally out of daddy-dearest’s clutches?”

Verbose as ever, their brother shrugs, though maybe he’s just formulating what to say.

“Ask him how the others are.” Ben offers to Klaus. He craves updates on his family- if only to confirm that being stuck with _Klaus_ is the most irritating option fate could have bestowed upon him,

He’s kidding. Maybe.

“Ugh, no. Too many, I don’t _care. My_ bonding time.” Klaus responds flippantly.

Whatever. There’s no point in arguing with Klaus- no real space for it in Ben’s plans. Not over something like this. Besides, he has a pretty good idea of where all his siblings are and how they’re doing this early in the timeline anyway- Vanya’s at college, Allison’s planning on making it in Hollywood, Luther’s still playing the perfect soldier. He doesn’t _really_ need to ask. It’s still nice to know though.

“You’re a shit brother, you know.” Is all that Ben decides to say in response- he keeps his tone light though. He doesn’t need Klaus going off at _him_.

“Don’t care about what?” Diego asks, confused by Klaus’ seeming non sequitur. 

Klaus just waves him off, “The spirits are being chatty”, not bothering to explain further. Though that’s explanation enough- they’d all been used to comments like that back when they were kids.

“Oh-kay,” Diego responds, accepting it. “Well I guess we should go in and sit? Unless you already ate?”

“Nope. I am _starving_. This stuff I’m on is giving me a _serious_ case of the munchies.” Klaus calls over his shoulder, having started to enter as soon as Diego had started speaking.

Ben facepalms, “Yes Klaus, tell the police officer in training that you’re high. Sure, that is going to go just _great_ ,” he groans. Sometimes it feels like Klaus tries to wind him up on purpose.

Klaus can’t really reply though with Diego so close, so the other man settles for sticking out his tongue and shoving his “goodbye” hand in Ben’s face.

Charming. His eighteen-year-old brother everybody. Ben can just _feel_ this plan is going to go _great_.

* * *

However, despite Klaus’ faux pas, the first meeting actually seems to go off relatively well. First contact made.

No Eudora this time around. It’s for the best- part of the plan. Ben would never try and stop Diego from meeting Eudora, but he thinks if Klaus doesn’t know about the other highly important person in Diego’s life then he might be more amenable to certain plans. Or at least his brother won’t be out there trying to play matchmaker, and push Diego into moving in with Eudora. Ben’s selfish, top priority for him is getting _Klaus_ to move in. He’s not having a homeless drug addled Klaus at the worst point he’s potentially ever been with no chance of Diego being there to pick up the pieces.

* * *

It’s a slow process, mentioning to Klaus how maybe it would be a _good_ idea to have an _actual_ home. To not spend half his time wondering where to sleep, and the other in such a conked-up haze that neither of them can even begin to start to wonder.

How Diego’s a good brother, and it’s nice to spend time with him- how they’re lucky Diego doesn’t seem to expect any kind of payment in return. This may not be entirely true, but Ben wants to banish the idea from Klaus’ mind that any kind of help is entirely dependent on immediate sobriety. Being honest, Diego probably _will_ want sobriety from Klaus- or at least an honest and committed effort, but what their brother doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

All of this is peppered with visits and interactions with Diego, slowly (hopefully) leading to what may _finally_ lead to a success in keeping Klaus _alive._ Keeping in contact with Diego had gotten harder after he left the police force, he’d moved around a few times- or Ben assumes considering the lack of any real address, and by the time that Ben’s willing to bet their brother had sorted himself out Klaus had decided that any money spent on letters and stamps could be far better spent on other things.

The thing is, is that Klaus is selfish. That’s the biggest potential hitch in Ben’s plan. For Klaus- Klaus is always number one, regardless of the impacts, or who it might hurt or any other kind of consequences. It’s why Ben’s always had such a hard fucking time trying to convince Klaus not to steal Diego’s stuff. Well, that and addiction. But Klaus’ selfishness could also be a benefit, and Ben’s been trying to incorporate his brother’s flawed nature into his plan, as opposed to desperately trying to work against it.

They tell you to never try and swim against the tide, after all.

The thing is, if Ben can get to see that the best thing for _Klaus_ is to mooch off Diego in his apartment, or at the very least to benefit off of Diego’s limited, but liberal, good will- then maybe he can convince Klaus not to do something to fuck it all up.

Something like theft, or calling Diego “Number 2”, or otherwise insinuating he’s under their father’s thumb. All things Klaus has done in the past- or future, depending on how you’re tracking time.

So, Ben has to seed ideas, feed them, bide his time, and wait.

* * *

It happens eventually, a bit later than is typical. It’s been six years since this loop began, so they’re twenty-two, not twenty-one. Six years _exactly_ , it’s the anniversary of Ben’s most recent death, and quite by chance they stumble across Diego standing outside a liquor store.

Ben’s- anniversary? - is a complicated date for Ben and Klaus. Obviously, he’s dead, and he died, and it’s tragic and stupid, and terrible. But also, he’s _here_ , and he’s able to talk to Klaus and Klaus is able to talk to him, and to be perfectly frank Ben would usually rather not really focus on the fact that he’s dead. Klaus grieves differently- it had clearly been very hard for him at first, but as the years had gone by it had changed. For starters Ben had been more present in Klaus’ life than most of the people he knew who were alive.

But just because Ben doesn’t really like to dwell on his death- or to let Klaus dwell on it either- it doesn’t mean that the date itself isn’t scorched into the very being of Ben’s mind. So, when he sees Diego, who doesn’t drink, and is standing on the street staring at a liquor store as if salvation may truly lie within, then it’s simple to connect the date and understand why.

Klaus was here, because of an unspoken agreement that Klaus would not get high on Ben’s anniversary so that they could talk- _properly_. A boozed-up Klaus doesn’t mess with Ben’s coherency as badly as a high one. Expecting, or asking Klaus to actually be _sober_ though, at any given point really was too much of a stretch though. So merely sticking to alcohol it was.

“What’s _Diego_ doing here?” Klaus asks, baffled. Ben glares at him and pointedly gestures to himself.

“Oh, yeah, hmm I guess that would make sense,” he says in an aside to Ben. He calls out, louder, to Diego:

“You window shopping, or just raging at the existence of alcohol? Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it you know. It could really help with whatever has you here brooding- or it could contribute to your whole angsty persona thing you’ve got going on.”

Diego’s hand goes to his pocket, as if reaching for a knife- unlikely to throw, probably just for comfort- and seems to gear himself up as if he’s about to shout. When he sees it’s just Klaus however, he sighs and seems to slump down even further into himself.

There’s an awkward pause briefly, before once more it’s broken.

“You know, if he were here, he’d probably want us to talk, or hug and cry you know. Ben always seemed to like family,” Klaus says, quickly glancing at Ben before returning his attention to Diego.

He’s not wrong, Ben _would_ like them to talk, and emote or whatever. Ideally _not_ over his gruesome and unfortunate demise six (twenty-ish) years earlier, but he’ll take what he can get.

“He’d also probably tell you to just go and buy some alcohol too, because you’re twenty-two dude, and I’m pretty sure you’ve never been drunk, and Ben would be all for having those classic life experiences.” Klaus continues.

Okay, that’s wrong.

“I wouldn’t tell him to do that Klaus” he argues. Klaus just ignores him, and disguises shoving his “goodbye” hand into Ben’s face as a stretch.

“A sleepover is no fun if only one of us is drunk Diego,” Klaus carries on wheedling, as if Ben hadn’t spoken. 

Diego doesn’t really look convinced, “I never said anything about a sleepover,” he says, but he does follow Klaus into the shop, and buys a single bottle of wine after Klaus has gone and selected three bottles of vodka.

That’s a _lot_ of vodka. Ben’s going to have to keep an eye on that.

“So? Sleepover!?” Klaus asks again once they’ve exited the shop

Diego doesn’t say anything for a while, looking at Klaus, the bottles they’re both holding and gazing up at the sky. Ben’s starting to worry that Diego might just leave which not only poses a considerable danger to Ben’s plan for Klaus to give half a second-handed shit about Diego for his own selfishness, but also raises the problem of an utterly smashed Klaus roaming the streets.

But Diego plays his part well- plays it as he always does without even knowing his role in this drama that is their lives. He sighs and concedes.

“Yeah Klaus, let’s go.”


	15. Do I Stay or Diego? Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes, hope you enjoy it and feel free to let me know what you think.
> 
> Warnings- implied/referenced domestic violence.

Still loop 25 (same time)

When they arrive at Diego’s, Ben is surprised to discover it’s not the basement of the gym, instead Diego’s living in the backroom of a restaurant where he’s washing dishes. There go Ben’s hopes that Diego would be easy to track in the future should this timeline not pan out, though he is curious as to what has caused the difference in the timelines.

There are too many meetings with Diego to know for sure though, he’s not sure which missed interaction, or what was done in a meeting they _did_ have that caused this, and to be perfectly honest Ben can’t really be bothered to work it out.

It’s one thing to have all the details cracked about how to get Klaus out of the academy, or places and people to avoid. It’s another to remember every little detail and consequence of each interaction with Diego- where Klaus needs to be to meet him in a certain way. Diego tends to find them wherever they are, so Ben doesn’t see the point in trying to spend half his time persuading Klaus to stand in a specific spot.

Klaus looks around, his opinion on the room pretty clear.

“No, the homeless man does not get to judge,” Diego stops, “I’m trying to save up for a car.”

Ah, that makes more sense because minimum wage job or not, with their allowance and savings Diego really ought to be able to do better than _this_.

Upon arrival Klaus wastes no time in leaning his back against Diego’s bed and starting to make work of his first bottle. Diego, slower, goes and rummages around under said bed, before returning with a plastic cup. Their brother then takes said cup, and his earlier purchased bottle of wine and sits on the bed itself, placing himself higher than Klaus.

His brother Diego is drinking wine out of a plastic cup. There are so many things wrong with that statement, and Ben just can’t stop himself from laughing. If Ben were still alive, he’d probably be teasing the man about his choice to make his first-time drinking be refined by drinking wine, but then consuming it like he’s a child. Then again if Ben were alive Diego probably wouldn’t be drinking, and it doesn’t seem quite so funny after that sobering realisation.

Klaus has twisted round to see what Ben’s been laughing at, and his face also appears to twitch with mirth at the sight. But he doesn’t say anything, seemingly too busy trying to down the vodka. The two brothers drink in silence for some time.

Ben takes this opportunity to look around the room, there’s a picture of Diego and Eudora high fiving in what looks like uniform, and he wonders who took it. There’s another poster or two, an alarm clock next to the bed and a singular knife. Any of the rest of Diego’s possessions are either in drawers or out of sight, so Ben can’t get a good look at them, but the general vibe that Ben’s getting out of this room is spartan. The room at the gym had hardly been big, or well decorated, but it had most certainly given off a vibe that was very Diego. It feels a bit like Diego’s just moved in but judging by what his brother’s said that’s not the case.

After his brief snoop Ben doesn’t have anything else to do, and he can’t really talk to Klaus when Diego’s in the room, but life as a ghost is pretty boring, he’s used to it.

“Do you ever miss it?” Diego asks Klaus, who gives Ben a confused look, as if hoping Ben will clarify what this “it” is. Too bad Ben’s got no clue either.

“Miss what? I’m not psychic, though maybe _that_ would have been a cool power...” Klaus replies, after Ben’s made it clear he’s not going to be any help.

“The academy, the missions, the whole vigilante, _helping_ people shit?” Diego clarifies.

“The fame?” Klaus asks sceptically.

“Nahhh, prefer people not knowing my business. Fucking Vanya ruined that though, _bitch_.” Diego spits the last word and Ben frowns. Okay, her book may have been, ill-advised, but _still_ , she’s their sister.

“She’s not a bitch.” Ben says to the room, aware only Klaus can hear him, but feeling it’s important anyway. Klaus just raises his eyebrows and takes another swig. Klaus had encountered the book himself this time, flicked through it before Diego had told them about it. He’d refused to let Ben see any of it, nor tell him what it had said, but it had put Klaus into a worse mood for the next week and a half.

“She’s our _sister_ ,” he says again. Somehow Klaus’ refusal to refute Diego’s point, or concede to Ben at all pisses him off more than Diego’s statement in the first place. He scowls at them both.

“I don’t miss it all. Good fucking riddance.” Klaus chimes in, instead of disagreeing with Diego.

“Yeahhh,” Diego breathes out, “Well you wouldn’t, would you? You never liked it, ran away first chance you got, good on you.” He doesn’t sound accusing though, just contemplative.

“It killed Ben.” Klaus says simply, excuse, justification, explanation and statement all wrapped up in three words. “Why are you even thinking about it anyway- it’s in the past, over gone, failed ka-boomed. Hurrah!”

That’s not strictly speaking true though. Ben thinks of the time he’d tried to run away himself, early in this whole time-travel thing, before he’d really worked it out. Klaus’ death had killed Ben, the _Horror_ , had killed Ben. Chances are Ben would have met a miserable end without the academy and the missions. He too is glad that it’s gone though. Like Klaus though, he’s curious as to why Diego’s bringing up the academy now, he guesses it must be related to Ben’s own death but why?

“I missed it. The thrill, the rush, the being able to directly _see_ the good I was doing. In the police you’re buried behind five layers of paperwork and seventeen layers of bureaucracy, and you have to let people you just _know_ are guilty, and then spend half your time harassing people who are just trying to _live_.” It sounds like this has been weighing Diego down for some time, that he’s finding relief in being able to get it off his chest, and the topic begins to make more sense.

“I joined the police because I wanted to _help_. I mean, I spent my whole childhood fighting crime right, so it made sense to do it as a job as an adult- and do it on my own terms, not dad’s. But I don’t know… There was this complete asshole right, he was brought in for suspicion of abuse- suspicion my ass, the fucker did it. But she- his wife- couldn’t say _anything,_ she’s unconscious, and the kids were too fucking scared or whatever, and this fucker is all suave, and dropping connections and names and money or whatever it is that makes the paper mill turn a blind eye. He just _walked_ out of there, “ _no proof he’s anything other than an upstanding citizen Hargreeves, justice in the real world isn’t so black and white as in superheroes and child stories_.”- they knew about the academy by this point, some dipshit read Vanya’s book and spread it to the whole station.” Diego’s finished all the wine in his cup and goes to refill.

“Anyway, the fucker just _walks_ , and he’s going to be alone with a bunch of kids for Christ sake until she wakes up. So, I’m thinking, _fuck_ justice not being simple, I’ll wait ‘til it’s dark, and then I’ll go over there and collect some fucking evidence if I have to _threaten_ it out of him.” Diego continues his story.

Now Ben sees why Diego’s brought up everything about the academy, the alcohol is probably also helping, the words seem to just be spilling out of Diego, unusual for him.

“So I’m all geared up, I’ve got my knives in my pockets- not all of them obviously- and this like massive coat that’s just _full_ of pockets, and my domino back from the academy hanging around my neck, and it’s kind of awkward because I have to take the bus, so I’m walking to the bus stop, but on the way there I bump into- into a friend-.”

Ben’s got one guess on who this friend might be. Klaus shockingly has yet to interject, but he’s pretty entertained with his bottle of vodka, and he also seems pretty intrigued by whatever Diego has to say. Besides the one time he’ d opened his mouth Ben had given him the biggest shut up face he could muster.

“- and like, they take one look at me and they _know_ , they know what I’m doing right. Like there is absolutely _no_ doubt in their eyes, and I’ve told them all about the academy, not just the shit that’s in Vanya’s book, because there are only so many times you can absolutely _smash_ everyone at darts before people start asking if you’re cheating-” Diego shakes his head, as if realising he’s gone off topic, “- and just I don’t know what to do, so we go back to mine, because apparently that’s where my friend was heading anyway, and I want to explain- but I see on their face right, they don’t care.”

Diego pauses, “Do you know what they said to me Klaus?”

“Nope, not psychic remember?” Klaus replies, which seems to make Diego lighten up for a moment, if only in irritation.

“That was- it was fucking _rhetorical_ , Klaus.” Diego responds, rolling his eyes, “What they _said_ was, _Diego, you can’t do this. It’s_ illegal _, and if you go out there tonight- or any other night I’m going to have to arrest you. You’re not a_ kid _anymore Diego, you can’t be a cop and a vigilante._ ” He sounds genuinely saddened, at reporting back what is clearly an important memory.

“I just don’t get it! Why does it matter so much? I just wanted to _help_ people right, so I was like: if that’s how it’s going to be, then I wish you all the luck with being a cop in a system which lets scum like that get _away_ , said I was going to actually try and help someone, and told them where the phone was and left.”

“You don’t _seem_ very arrested Diego… though maybe I’m hallucinating all of this, which would be weird because normally my hallucinations are better than this so-” Klaus interjects, clearly confused.

“They didn’t make the phone call. I mean the police _did_ show up pretty soon after I’d arrived, I’d just got into the house because I threw one knife just _near_ the fucker’s head, not even in it to make him drop the fucking kid- a _fucking_ kid. One of the neighbours must have called, but it wasn’t my friend who turned me in, and I got out of there with my knives before anyone caught me, and he _did_ get arrested after that, because two calls that close together- suspicious.”

“So, you’re a vigilante now? My big bro, fighting crime?” Despite his words Klaus doesn’t sound that excited though, his earlier words about a mission causing Ben’s own death come rushing back to him, and he understands why.

“No.” Diego bites out.

“Oh, why?” Klaus asks confused but sounding relieved. Ben too is _very_ confused; the more Diego talks about it the more it sounds to be entirely up their brother’s street.

“My friend didn’t just choose not to report me, they covered for me, told everyone we’d been together when it had happened right- and everyone likes and trusts them so it flew, despite the _very_ suspicious timing, and fucknut going on about psychos with knives and whatnot. No one _really_ believed the shithead, but like I said- everyone knew I’d been angry, and it was suspicious.”

“So why aren’t you still a cop then? If you’re not doing vigilantism? Because to be frank I’m sure you’re doing great work keeping the fine citizens of this restaurant from getting food poison off of mouldy dishes, but like when you said you wanted to help people Diego like in the academy, this is _not_ what comes to mind. Then again, if the academy had just been a cleaning service perhaps everything would have been better. I think I would have looked quite fetching in a maid’s outfit-”

Diego makes a face, “No, stop, I do not want to imagine that, eurgh.” Yeah, that sums up Ben’s thoughts on the matter quite well too.

“I _quit_ , because I could see how it was affecting my friend right. They just looked like _shit_ all the time, I’d bet they wouldn’t turn me in and I was right, but I felt like _crap_ for putting that on her, and I could tell me being in the force was just making it worse, because they were always worrying I’d do it again- use police information to go off on my own crusade. Also, the whole fucking system was starting to sink, and I hated the bureaucracy, and I realised I’d idolised the whole thing, made up this fucking ideal. So I told my friend I was resigning, that they didn’t have to worry about me fucking up in the future, and that I’d go live some fucking peaceful life so they wouldn’t have to feel so goddamn _guilty._ ” Diego laughs a little.

“So that’s why I’m here washing dishes Klaus, I had all these fucking dreams and just _look_ at me. I’m like you, a wash-out, drinking- but at least you were honest about it.

Diego tips the bottle a little more clearly trying to get the last dregs out, but it was empty, so he threw the bottle across the room and into the bin instead.

It landed just left of the bin and hit the floor with a crash. Ben, still reeling with the shock of everything Diego had just said took a moment to process the significance of that.

Diego had _missed_. Wow, he must have _really_ been drunk then.

“Hoo, hoo, look at that, you’ve just popped your drunkenness cherry. How does it feel to muck up your throws like us mere mortals?” Klaus crowed, also pretty drunk, but thankfully had not moved beyond his first bottle of vodka, the story, the day, and Ben’s best glare working in combination to achieve that.

“Shut up,” Diego mumbles.

“Fine. Well, _I’m_ glad you’re not a vigilante. Wouldn’t want _another_ dead brother.” Klaus retorts.

“Yeah well if I _did_ die saving people it would be _noble_. Also, you could just summon me or whatever so yeah.” Diego fires back, but it lacks his usual energy- the wine seems to have really gotten to him. Drunk Diego is oddly mellow.

“Can you summon him?” Diego asks quietly, and this is a moment that Ben’s been waiting for, to be able to talk to Diego again when Diego _knows_ he’s there. He looks desperately to Klaus who’s looking at him as if asking for permission, Ben nods eagerly.

“Wellllll,” Klaus starts before he’s interrupted.

“Who am I kidding, you’re fucking drunk, of course you can’t. If you ever decide to sober up tell him I miss him.” There’s a small sniffle, “Tell him I’m sorry I wasn’t f-” a pause, “-fast enough either.” With that Diego rolls over and appears to fall asleep- or at least put up a convincing display that he doesn’t want to be disturbed.

“Sorry Ben,” Klaus offers, Ben just shrugs. It’s not Klaus’ fault.

“What did he mean by not fast enough?” Klaus asks curiously- Ben tries his best to never talk to Klaus about his death. It’s nasty and traumatic- for all involved, and Ben has little desire to remember it, but since Diego’s brought it up…

“He found me in the bank, after I shoved you in that room, he arrived just after the Horror came out.” The implication he leaves for Klaus is clear, and he refuses to say any more than that. Just speaking about it he can feel the pain of his body being ripped apart time after time.

“Oh,” Klaus looks between them awkwardly.

“It wasn’t his fault.” a sigh, “It wasn’t yours either Klaus.” Though a small part of him protests that it’s not entirely true. Fucking resets. “Go to sleep Klaus,”

To his surprise, his brother does.


	16. Do I Stay or Diego? Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> suicide

(Loop 25, next morning)

Klaus wakes up before Diego, and him and Klaus both laugh when their brother rises groaning, clearly nursing a massive hangover.

“Thanks for listening last night Klaus,” Diego groans out though, after he’s had a cup or two of water.

“Always a delight to hear my brother talk and hear his daring tales, small price to pay for sharing your room.” Diego shoots him a look at that.

“Though what possessed me to listen to _you_ I have no idea. I swear I’m not drinking again- what if someone had tried to break in when I couldn’t control my abilities?” Diego sounds like he’s starting to freak a bit at the thought. Ben thinks that’s a bit paranoid- who would want to rob _here_. He guesses the same kind of people who try to mug Klaus- fools or the desperate. He rolls his eyes a bit at Diego’s behaviour, even if he’s kind of relieved it doesn’t sound like Diego’s planning on developing any kind of substance habit to match Klaus.

“I am _full_ of brilliant things to say!” Klaus protests, “people _love_ me.”

“Yeah? _Drunk_ people, in clubs. And idiots.” Diego retorts, rubbing his head a bit.

“You love me Diego! I will not let you deny this, it could be very damaging to my self-esteem you know.” Klaus says with a little nod.

“When did I say that?” Diego asks dryly,

“Are you saying it’s a lie then?” Klaus asks, faking mock sobbing. Ben swears he _hears_ his eyes roll at both of their antics.

“I guess I must be an idiot then.” is Diego’s response- and Ben _did_ not expect that. It’s nice to hear though. Also, it’s good for his plan.

“A real idiot,” Diego mutters to himself, but Ben hears it anyway. Louder he asks, “Klaus if I could get us an actual apartment- with multiple rooms- would you _stay_. No more just roaming around the city. I’ve got all the money I’ve been saving for my car, and if I _had_ to, I guess I could use some of dad’s money and…” Diego trails off when no reply is immediately forthcoming.

Ben feels his heart starting to beat in his chest, because this is it, he just needs Klaus not to fuck it up, okay, okay. He can feel his head spinning slightly even as he tries his best to concentrate.

“Say yes,” he hisses at Klaus. “We wouldn’t have to spend our time trying to find somewhere to sleep- just checking into _rehab_ for somewhere to sleep.” That’s his trump card, and Ben hopes it works.

“Uh, what would we be talking price-range? Because I have an expensive lifestyle and-” Klaus asks, instead of outright agreeing like Ben is internally desperately begging for Klaus to do.

Diego rolls his eyes, “Something _affordable_ , which _I_ will be picking- and Klaus, look I can’t _force_ you to do- Okay. There can’t be anything _illegal_ in the apartment okay? Do what you want but you need to keep trouble away okay?”

Ben holds his non-existent breath; this is where the house of cards will collapse if it’s going to fall. Klaus’ looks like he’s considering.

“Take the opportunity, if you don’t, I swear.” Ben bites out.

“You just want brother time, don’t you?” Klaus asks Ben, but he does sound like he’s very close to accepting.

“Umm, if stopping two dead brothers rising to _three_ is called brother time now then sure.” Diego responds, clearly feeling both awkward and confused.

“Then the answer is yes, I accept your proposal!” Klaus nods, and seizes Diego’s hand to shake it fervently.

Ben could cry. With happiness.

For his part Diego has crinkled up his face a bit at Klaus: 

“You make it sound like we’re getting engaged.” Diego says, sounding vaguely uncomfortable.

“Ugh no,” Klaus recoils away, “I would be _far_ too good for you.”

“I’m assuming you're talking about the same world where dad was a good father,” Diego shoots back, but his mouth is ticking up at the corners. “Ok, I’m going to go start looking, you can stay, or you can go, but you have thirty seconds until I’m gone so decide quick.”

With that Diego turns to leave.

_Finally_.

* * *

They do find an apartment, and pretty fast too. It takes around a week to find one- Diego’s flexibility in price helps due to Reginald’s allowance, and it’s another two weeks until they can actually move in, but it’s done.

Ben’s finally done it. Klaus hasn’t fucked it up. Ben’s got Klaus a stable home. He would do a celebratory dance if it weren’t for the fact that Klaus can see him.

Go _fuck_ yourself fate. Ben _can_ do this shit.

  
  
  


Maybe Ben shouldn’t have told fate to go fuck itself.

Because fate bites back.

_Hard_.

But not in the way that Ben expects.

* * *

Klaus (and therefore Ben) aren’t actually _at_ the apartment as much as Ben would like. One time Klaus had gone back very stoned, and the look on Diego’s face when he demanded to know if Klaus had anything on him had made it very, very clear that their brother had meant it when he’d told Klaus there were to be no drugs in the apartment.

Diego hadn’t strictly outlawed being high, and there was no restriction on alcohol or drunkenness, but it still meant Klaus was often out buying or getting high- and that was separate to all the times Klaus would go out just to have fun, or go clubbing, or eat food.

  
  


It’s a good thing you were out, they tell Klaus later, having returned when the sky was grey in the early morning from someone else’s bed.

Whole place just went up, they said, gas leak.

“I live with my brother,” Klaus says, sounding almost as terrified as Ben feels- the fear cutting through any lingering high. “People got out right. _Right?”_

There’s very faint screaming going on in the distant background of Ben’s hearing, slowly rising, but no one else seems to hear it.

Scratch that, one other person seems to be hearing it, Ben sees Klaus covering his ears, and shaking his head. No, no, no, nononononono, no.

“I’m so _sorry,_ ” the kind fire marshal they’ve been talking to tells Klaus. Whatever else the man might have gone on to say is lost as Klaus tears himself away and runs through the crowd, clearly intent on finding something to numb himself- from the news, from the screaming that is slowly just getting louder. 

Ben’s head is spinning himself.

Ben feels like everything has been sucked out of him- he feels like if he were alive he’d be desperately trying to breathe. He lets himself finally think it- Diego’s dead.

_Diego’s dead_.

It must be _his_ fault somehow; this has _never_ happened before.

It’s not meant to happen like _this_. This is about _Klaus_ , Diego’s always been safe. Sometimes he’s been a dick sure but.

But his brother dying is _never_ meant to be a _real_ problem. Everything is meant to reset when his brother dies- _why is this still happening?_ The timeline should have reset by now!

It’s not fair. He spends all his time trying to protect Klaus, and _this_ is how he’s repaid for it?

He can fix this though right- Diego’s never died before, where did he go wrong, how can he fix it.

Okay- he’s got it. Diego’s never moved out before. Because Klaus has always screwed him over, but Ben stopped it this time and he knows where he went wrong, he can fix it but-

What is he _thinking_ \- how is he supposed to “fix it”?! He’s still living it, they’re stuck here.

It had been so long, six years, 4 months. It had been a _long_ loop; Ben had thought he’d been making it- the fucking resets already require his death- they _can’t_ take Diego too.

How does he _fix_ this? Fix his brother’s death? He’s never _had_ to fix Klaus- or he _has_ , but he knows how to do that. How does he fix _this_?

An answer comes to him unbidden.

He could tell Klaus about the time loops, the resetting. Klaus loves-loved Diego too. Telling Klaus could fix it.

Guilt fills Ben at what’s he’s thinking- what that means, the word he’s dancing around.

He wants Klaus to have to die.

That’s not it.

He wants Klaus to kill himself. He wants one brother to kill himself to save the other. It’s okay, Klaus won’t even remember it, he tells himself. It doesn’t make him feel any better.

Does this make him a terrible person?

Who’s he kidding. Yes, yes, always yes. He figured that out loops ago.

Klaus is crying next to him. He feels sick to his stomach as he steels himself for what he’s about to do, what he’s about to tell him.

For his part Klaus is clutching a bottle of _something_ , whatever he’s got his hands on. He’s yet to take a sip though, and he looks like he’s torn between downing the entire thing in one go, liver be damned, or smashing the bottle on the pavement.

“I’m still _high_ ,” Klaus laughs, “and I can’t decide whether to drink this to make sure I’m still too high for him to show up, or whether to wait so I can _apologise_.”

Is- is Klaus genuinely trying to sober up for once in his life- this could be really-

What the fuck? _Diego is dead._ Ben doesn’t give a crap about this time loop anymore.

“If he hasn’t showed up yet then maybe he’s not dead? Maybe he also went out?” Ben says desperately, hoping it’s not true. Though in his heart of hearts he knows it is. Ben had taken several hours to show up as a ghost the first time he died, and it still took a while even now.

If the fire marshal is to be believed the building had gone up only 2 hours ago- not nearly long enough for a freshly forming ghost to appear.

“ _Diego?_ Going out? He’s fucking dead Ben and we both know it.” Klaus laughs, and it’s a sickly thing. “He’s gone, and he’s not coming back- there’s no fucking way to fix it!”

The thing is, there _is_ a way to fix it. Ben just needs to tell Klaus- but if he tells Klaus that means-

That means Klaus has to choose between his brother or killing himself. Ben has to decide to kill one brother to save the other- even if neither of them remember it.

If they won’t even remember it is it really so bad? Ben will remember it though; Ben will remember what he did.

He looks at Klaus sobbing, still clutching the bottle- yet to take a drink. He decides.

“I just don’t get it,” he says, trying to sound as natural as possible, “Diego’s never died before…”

“Yeah no fucking shit Ben. You can’t die more than twice; wouldn’t _that_ be a nice superpower.” Klaus bites out, “Got anymore bullshit you want to bestow upon me?”

Ben breathes in, breathes out. He says it.

“ _You_ can die twice. I’ve been reliving a time loop.” There, he’s said it, it’s up to Klaus to choose what to do with it now.

Klaus’ face stretches, drops open

“...W-what? Time loop? That’s not- time travel was _Five’s_ thing, and you’re certainly not Five.” Klaus says, but he doesn’t sound certain.

“I didn’t tell anyone, but I’ve always been able to do it.” Ben tries to sound confident as he stretches the truth- gives the version that’s the best for Klaus to hear. “I uh- well the timeline,” he tries to think of a reason, an excuse.

“When we were kids- not in this timeline- you died, and like I rewound the timeline- back to when you were still alive.” And I was too, Ben thinks, enough truth, time for more lies.

“I used to be able to do it more often, for little things you know? But I guess something happened because now it only ever resets when you die- but it resets when you die, and I get to try again.”

“How far back do you go? How much time do you get?” Klaus has stopped crying now, but his eyes are still wet.

“Years. I get years,” Ben says honestly, “I just don’t know… Diego’s _never_ died before.” Suddenly Ben’s trying not to start crying again himself. He can cry later when he’s dead- or alive he guesses, right now he needs to sort this.

“I don’t remember ever dying before…” Klaus says slightly uncertainly though.

This Ben can answer with the truth, “I’m the only one who ever remembers it, which is good for you I guess.” He shrugs a bit.

“So, you’re saying if- if I die, you’re saying you can _fix_ this? Make sure Diego doesn’t die next time?” Klaus is leaning right up into Ben’s face and is dangerously close to leaning _through_ him at this rate.

“I-I,” and dammnit this is his moment! This is his chance to go back, to convince Klaus. He just has to say the word- who _cares_ what this makes him if he goes forth with it. Ben’s given up so many of his morals what’s one more?

“I should be able to. Yes.” He says, and it’s like the weight of ages has come down upon him. “If you die- but.”

“And you say I won’t remember it? It’ll be like it never happened for me?” Klaus interrupts, clearly clinging onto this plan.

“Yeah, you’ll have no idea.”

“Okay, so we just need to find a way for me to die then. Something nice and painless would be nice, I guess. Do you think I’d be able to get a gun? Probably not no… maybe-” and suddenly Ben can’t take it anymore, forget that he set this whole thing up in the first place.

“Klaus! You don’t _have_ to do this,” he says, though deep within him he very much wants him to, “You, you get to choose. Do you actually _want_ to- to die?”

“What _I_ want is a chance to bring _Diego_ back- and you’ve just offered me one. You said I won’t even remember! Okay, so I’m doing this, regardless of what you say now, so either shut up or start planning.” Klaus does seem genuinely focused on this, he seems sincere, and about as clear in the eyes as he’s been for years.

Ben still feels like shit.

A few hours pass.

“When you go back,” Klaus says suddenly, “forgive yourself okay? For me.” His brother gives him a small smile, and this is so _twisted_ and wrong. Klaus shouldn’t be the one comforting _him_.

Blackness takes him and when Ben wakes up again, he wakes up crying.

* * *

_Loop 26_

His eyes are tearing up, and that’s before Diego hits him.

_Diego_.

He’s still alive, and sixteen, wearing the academy uniform, staring up from above him with a lot of confusion on his face.

“Number 6 that was a shameful display. To be beaten so easily and quickly, and not even by Number 1. You need to be able to rely on fighting skills other than your powers.” He hears his father say.

Diego’s still alive, it was worth it.

He throws up.

His brother lets out a small shout of disgust and moves back to avoid getting any of Ben’s vomit on his shoes. He’s looking down at Ben with a considerable amount of concern at this point.

“Dad, I think I should take him to Mom,” Diego says, very steadily, and with the face he gets when he’s really trying to speak without stuttering. Their father nods.

“Be back quickly Number 2,” Then he moves on- to watch another group of their siblings train if Ben’s memory serves correctly.

“I didn’t hit you that hard did I?” Diego asks, and he sounds kind of afraid and very guilty. What does _Diego_ have to be guilty for? This young innocent version of his brother shouldn’t have anything to be guilty about. Not like Ben.

Diego helps him up and Ben hugs his brother as tightly as he can. Tears are still streaming down his cheeks.

“Wh-what’s wrong?” Diego stutters, pushing him off slightly and leading him towards the house where Mom is. He keeps his arm around Ben’s shoulders, and Ben is incredibly grateful even if he doesn’t deserve it.

He can’t even begin to tell Diego about everything that’s happened, how everything went so incredibly wrong though. So, he just shakes his head, and tries to get a hold of himself- the mission alarm is going to be going off soon. He _needs_ to pull himself together.

“I’m fine,” he says, shrugging Diego off him. He can do this, he just needs to breathe, breathe.

“Maybe you should try convincing yourself first before you try and lie to me,” Diego replies, scepticism heavy in his voice.

“Really I’m-” he’s cut off by the sound of the mission alarm siren going off. Truly saved by the bell. “- look there’s the alarm- we need to get going.”

He can’t miss the mission- he _can’t_.

Diego doesn’t look thrilled, but he nods and runs off- presumably to go get his own domino and his knives.

Ben shakes himself once, and then goes to his room for his mask and prepares to die.

* * *

It doesn’t quite go like that though. Klaus turns to him, young just like the rest of them, before the addiction had really set in, and goes to make a joke about the mission, or their father or whatever.

Ben can’t take it- he sees Klaus looking at him so earnestly as he died- as he _killed himself_ because Ben told him too.

Who knew you could throw up when there was nothing left in your stomach. He feels himself heaving and heaving, and he collapses down onto the ground. He can feel all his siblings shooting him concerned looks.

“I don’t think Number 6 should go on the mission Sir, he’s not in a suitable state.” Luther pipes up, ever the responsible one. 

But no, if Ben doesn’t go then Klaus will die, and it will be all Ben’s fault.

_Again_.

He stands up shakily and tries to put on his best front of being fine. It doesn’t seem to convince anyone. He’s grounded from the mission.

Ben crawls into his bed and cries and cries until he’s being swallowed up by the dark once more and comes back round to Diego’s fist.

* * *

_Loop 27_

Ben does it right the second time. He’s got to put his feelings aside- can’t let anything interfere with this. Klaus hadn’t wanted him to languish in the academy forever, he needed to let Klaus and Diego live their lives- and that wasn’t going to happen unless Ben could move past the academy.

Ben’s going to need to find a new plan and way of keeping Klaus alive. He’d never gotten as far into a loop as he had last time, but he doesn’t care. 

It’s not worth it if the price is Diego dying.

_Nothing_ is worth that.

He’ll find another way. Even if that way is letting Diego cut Klaus out of his life, even if it’s letting Klaus fuck up, and fuck up, and fuck up.

No fucking apartments- Diego hadn’t died when they hadn’t shared.

Klaus puts Ben’s miserable and shaken mood up to having recently died. No. Ben deserved to be ripped apart by the Horror this time, he’d almost relished it.

He watches Klaus take his drugs, and spiral into addiction, placing the next high above anyone and everyone in his life, barely saying a word to object.

Business as usual he guesses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes this arc. I'm still actually writing the next one, so I hope to be able to keep posting but we'll see.  
> When I started this I hoped that I would be able to get to 20k and also it was meant to be finished by the time season 2 came out... yeah, not happening.
> 
> Hope you're still enjoying it, please let me know if you see any glaring erroes.


	17. Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the penultimate arc (after this is canon timeline) but it's a long one and kinda like three mini arcs within it. Also, while I still have this whole thing plotted out, motivation to turn the ideas into words has really fallen, and I've been distracted by other things, so now I only have 3 more chapters written up (the least I've had since I started posting this.).
> 
> It is NOT abandoned, but there really might start to be quite a long break, thanks to everyone who's been enjoying it and I hope I can get my motivation back soon.
> 
> also season 2, whoop whoop!

They’ve been out of the academy for three months and it’s sunny out. Klaus is sitting on a bench, looking utterly content for all intents and purposes, pretending to read a newspaper.

Presumably he’s seen it somewhere- the classic hiding behind a broadsheet- but whether Klaus actually thinks he’s being stealthy, or whether he just thinks it’s a funny thing to do is a mystery to Ben.

There are far, far worse things his brother could be doing though. The man’s sixteen, let him be a child, god knows their father tried to stamp that out of them all. 

Klaus is tall though, a point which works firmly in his brother’s favour, and just makes Ben’s job that little bit harder. It’s easier to buy alcohol when you look like you reasonably could be about twenty-one, especially if you have a fake ID backing you up. Sometimes Ben wonders if he’d be able to get away with it if he were still alive, he hadn't been very tall, nor looked especially old.

THough, if Ben is being entirely fair it’s also helpful that Klaus looks older, and as much as the fake ID can feel some kind of deal with the devil, it is useful that adults- _police_ \- don’t look at Klaus and see a child, or a runaway, or a truant. Instead they just see a layabout, or a young adult, just happily going about his day.

Ben’s thought about it before, thought that maybe it would be advantageous if Klaus _did_ look young, and someone _did_ try to do something about it, try and find his brother a bed or a home. But chances are they’d be dumped straight back in the academy, or if not, then into the system and something tells Ben that there would be significant chafing between Klaus and the foster system. He’d probably just run away again, whatever the outcome, and then Ben would have to be on the lookout for people trying to track Klaus. Klaus looking old is easier. 

It probably helps that their dad is a shitty father and likely barely cares that Klaus ran away. The man hadn’t even put in any effort to report that _Five_ was missing or track him down, saying that Five knew where they lived.

Five had been _thirteen_ , even if he’d been an arrogant little bastard.

It’s a good day, and Ben’s willing to bet they’ll be few and far between in a little while as the money starts to run out, being spent faster than it’s given. Ben knows the drill, he wants to enjoy this while it lasts.

So he just grins, and watches his brother pretend to be some kind of covert operative. It’s at times like these that Ben realises how much older than his siblings he really is. He doesn’t mind though, if all the moments were more like this he’d be a happier man.

* * *

_A few years later_

Klaus grows up though, obviously, that’s what people who aren’t dead do. Get older. Though Ben seems to age too- as a ghost- he’s not sure if that’s somehow down to Klaus unwittingly using his powers or something else- possibly connected to the whole time travel situation.

Well maybe “growing up” isn’t quite the right word, Klaus is still an immature idiot, he’s definitely older though, and lost quite a bit of his innocence. Ben tries, but Klaus is homeless, there’s only so much Ben can do to help Klaus from becoming too jaded too young. Especially since Klaus seems to love to ignore him.

Ben’s mostly over the blatant ignoring of his advice now.

Mostly.

Klaus seems to listen when it’s important anyway. Well, he does now- now that Ben has learnt to pick his battles.

So Klaus is out- when is he not, trying to score- also not uncommon, and mildly buzzed- unfortunately increasingly common but Ben’s given up hoping he’ll actually be able to achieve anything but still likes to occasionally reprimand Ben nevertheless.

There is something deeply awkward about having to follow your nineteen year old brother around when you’re estimating you’re probably in your thirties at this point and he’s desperately trying to find a person to go home with for the night.

Ben’s not sure if it makes it more or less awkward that the other person doesn’t know he’s there. It’s not like he _wants_ to be there anyway. There are some things a guy just doesn’t need to know about his brother, so Ben usually tries his best to go somewhere else- through a door, a wall, whatever. He can’t go _far_ from Klaus but hell has he tried.

It helps when Klaus is a bit off his head, because it means that Ben’s not quite there either.

But at this moment in time, Ben’s just in a club, standing against a wall and internally cringing at Klaus’ attempts to try and hit on some guy by fluttering his eyelashes. It looks a bit more like Klaus is bugging out in Ben’s opinion what with the rate his eyes are opening and shutting, and he’s not sure how anyone could find that at all attractive. Then again he’s not quite sure why people find Klaus attractive- which is probably due to the fact that they’re _brothers_.

People are weird, and Klaus _certainly_ is people.

It seems the guy agrees with Ben though, because once he catches notice of what Klaus is doing he gets a concerned expression on his face and walks the short distance to where they’re standing.

“You alright mate?” The guy asks Klaus slowly, hand hovering right above his brother’s shoulder, but not actually touching. The guy has an accent, but it’s not one that Ben can place- other than the fact that it’s not American.

“You’re looking kind of-” he continues, and making a little wave with his hand at Klaus’ eyes, which are still doing some weird impression of fluttering, “- would you like me to call someone for you?”

Ben likes this guy, people never really ask if Klaus is okay. Maybe it’s because it’s obvious he’s not, not really. Diego asks sometimes, but always in a resigned manner, as if he knows that Klaus isn’t, but that he’s going to say he is anyway. He’s a bit like Ben in a way, just going through the motions of looking after their wreck of a brother.

He decides to give Klaus a bit of help.

“Stop blinking like you’re about to pass out, I’m pretty sure the only bed this guy thinks you should be in right now is a hospital one.” Ben helpfully suggests, “Say you got dust in them or something.”

“I wouldn’t mind getting _your_ number,” his brother cheerfully tells the guy, thankfully having listened to Ben and stopped with the fluttering/blinking thing.

What kind of pick up line is _that?_ The man doesn’t even have a phone. Ben’s not normally a massive fan of acting as Klaus’ wingman, but it’s fine every so often, and Klaus has been looking at this guy since they got in, he clearly likes him.

“I, uh,” the other guy says, clearly nonplussed, and possibly a little flustered.

“Do you wanna go somewhere else? We can forget the whole number thing if you’re not feeling that. Technically I don’t have a phone, _anyway_ what do you say?” And now Klaus is starting to lean onto the other guy’s shoulder, who doesn’t seem to be pushing him away.

This is rapidly moving on into what Ben likes to call the `none of my business` territory, so he makes the okay sign at Klaus, and moves off to lurk in another corner of the club when Klaus gives a small nod in response.

They have their system down to a tee, keeping Ben from seeing things that neither of them want him to see, while also making sure that Ben doesn’t just ditch Klaus in case the situation turns south. Even if what Ben can actually _do_ is limited, he still likes to be there. In case there’s some kind of advice he can give.

It’s not long until Ben feels himself being pulled out of the club by whatever force keeps him connected to Klaus, but he does his best to stay _several_ paces behind them both.

* * *

“So,” Ben says the next morning- practically noon- when Klaus stumbles out of bed and into the corridor where Ben had been camping out since the other guy had entered the kitchen- a clear sign that all _activities_ were over. “How was your night?”

“Words _cannot_ describe, wow.” Klaus shakes his head, “Anyway, I’m going to take this opportunity to take an incredibly fulfilling shower. Catch up later.” With that his brother walks off into the bathroom.

For his part, Ben goes to see what the guy’s doing. The apartment wasn’t particularly large, so there weren’t many places to be, but it made it easier for Ben to look around. The guy seemed to have made some kind of salad and he kept taking plates out of the cupboards, placing them on the table, before then returning them again. Ben sees him perk up a little as the sound of the shower being turned on echoed through the flat.

“Just ask the guy if he wants some lunch, don’t make it a big deal- it doesn’t need to mean anything, just give him some lunch before he goes,” the guy mutters to himself.

Wow, this was a turnup. It seemed that someone had caught feelings for Klaus. Knowing his brother, Ben doubted Klaus would really care, but he was never one to turn down free food. Free anything really. Ben kind of hoped he’d hang around though, this guy seemed nice.

Soon enough Klaus emerges freshly washed, though dressed in the same clothes as the night before, and saunters out into the living area. The guy immediately stands up.

“Hey, uh, do you want anything to eat? Before you go I mean, you’ve gotta be hungry. I’ve got salad, uh got a bunch of it actually, it’d be no problem if you ate some- unless you’ve got to go I guess. But I’d feel bad sending you out without feeding you first, considering you woke up so late you didn’t get to eat breakfast…”

Klaus shoots Ben a look.

“He’s not setting off my creeper alarm,” Ben assures his brother, “I think he just likes you.” A small pause, then just to wind his brother up a bit, “God knows why.”

Ben gets a fake wounded look in return for his comment, but Klaus’ fears assuaged he sits down expectantly at the table.

“Sure! Salad sounds good,” Klaus says cheerfully, and scoops himself out a massive portion. It’s good to see Klaus eating some green food.

There’s a slightly awkward silence the whole time they’re eating, and when Klaus finishes he quickly stands up.

“Thanks for the salad,” he offers, leers a bit, “also for the sex, it was” here Klaus makes a little gesture with his hand.

The guy smiles, “See you around maybe?”

“It’s a definite possibility,” his brother calls out as he steps through the door. “Definite possibility if he keeps cooking like that,” Klaus says quieter, just to Ben.

“Yeah, he seems nice,” Ben offers up, “I like him.”

“ _You_ like him? Ben, well I never. The real question is do you like him, or do you _like_ him? Finally getting little ghostly urges?” Klaus laughs obnoxiously.

“Oh shut up. I’m _dead_ , _no_. I just think he seemed like a decent guy.” He leaves the ` _for once_ ` unsaid- it’s not really fair besides, not everyone Klaus sleeps with is a twat.

“You know what I think you need?” Klaus asks, it’s not really a question though. Ben has a pretty good feeling Klaus is going to tell him anyway, “I think you need to get a girl or guy of your own, help loosen you up a bit.”

Ben gives him his best, unimpressed flat stare, unfortunately Klaus sees it a lot. It doesn’t seem to have much impact, and his brother doesn’t even begin to look contrite.

“Yes Klaus, because someone is really going to want to get it on with a dead guy they can’t see.” He can barely believe he’s arguing this.

“Ahah! So you do want to, it’s just the dead thing that’s an issue, because we can work around that. We can find a nice ghost for you, someone our age- or older if that’s what you’re into, and then you can go off and-” Klaus makes some obscene hand motions.

“What? No!” Ben hisses at him, “I don’t want to do any.” He mimics Klaus’ gesture, “Besides, you couldn’t be sober long enough to summon a ghost if I even wanted you to. And anyone our age would have died tragic, and we can both agree those ghosts are the worst.”

Being dead had given Ben a sudden bout of increased sympathy towards Klaus and his fears of his powers. Even if he didn’t approve of Klaus’ chosen solution of intensive substance addiction.

“Okay, fine. You raise some good points, but don’t you ever you know, just get bored being… well dead?” Klaus asks, sounding genuinely curious.

No, Ben thinks. No because I spend half my waking minutes making sure you’re not going to pop off this mortal coil again. No, because it seems that every version of you aspires to find out if a dead guy can have a coronary. No, because I’m fucking dead, and I don’t really have feelings in the same way anymore.

“You get used to it,” he says instead, “Just sort of floating around doing nothing. I do a lot of thinking.” It’s true, mostly thinking about how to stop Klaus from doing something stupid, and failing to come up with any ideas.

“Well at least you have _me_ to keep you entertained,” Klaus says brightly, “Imagine if you were stuck with _Luther_ , the man’s so _boring_. Or Diego, he’s so grumpy he’d be no fun.” he adds a little more spitefully.

Klaus had been brought to the police station on possession a few months ago, and Diego had seen him. Diego had not been pleased to say the least and had shouted several things. Ben had mostly agreed with him to be honest, but it seemed that Klaus was still rather irritated with his favourite living brother.

Ben vaguely wonders if this is going to be the incident which triggers Diego’s departure from the police force this time ‘round, or if something else would be.

“ _Diego_ wouldn’t do stupid shit and get himself into trouble,” he contradicts Klaus. Though that’s not particularly true. Diego had attempted to become a vigilante before, and he seems to keep offering Klaus help despite nearly always getting screwed over in return. Diego would probably serve to give Ben a heart attack too if he had to follow him around.

Klaus just scoffs. Which is fair. Even if Klaus doesn’t know half of the stupid stuff Diego has done, will do, whatever.

“I’m going to go watch the ducks,” Klaus announces, and then turns around to head to the park, back the way they came.

Yeah, Klaus has definitely gotten older. Not grown up.


	18. Arson: Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote this so long ago when going over it I had no idea that half of this stuff happened this chapter oof. Sorry for the wait, I have a few more chapters up and have gotten over my main writing block hurdle, but they will still be coming out slower than before.  
> Please let me know of any errors etc.
> 
> Oh, and this won't be going into S2 at all if anyone was curious, and if S2 jossed anything I had planned then like, Imma ignore it.

Klaus is fingering a skirt, it’s a nice skirt Ben has to admit- not the kind of thing he thinks he’d ever wear- even if he were a skirt kind of guy- but it seems nice. Klaus seems almost furtive, and Ben would say it was if he didn’t know Klaus so well. The skirt is very Klaus. His brother’s backpack contains a spare outfit or two, freshly washed (in an actual washing machine no less) and they’re here because Klaus had decided it was time his wardrobe got a bit of a spruce up.

Swap shops are the love of Ben’s death, and Klaus repeated life too it seems. A place where you can give in clothes and get new ones in return. No money involved- which is a good thing for Ben because he can suggest it to be used on useful things like rent or food, and a good thing for Klaus because he can ignore Ben’s advice and spend it on alcohol. He doesn’t completely ignore Ben though. Which is nice.

The downside, Ben supposes, of Klaus mostly shopping in thrift stores, or swap shops is that the options can be… _interesting_. But to be honest that probably fits Klaus’ vibes better than going and buying things for double the price straight off the rack.

Klaus is now holding up the skirt, seemingly trying to see which goes best with a jacket he’s picked out. It’s all pretty ordinary and Ben turns his attention back to the button up shirts, they make him think of Vanya. Ben personally doesn’t really care about clothes- they didn’t get a whole lot of choice about what they wore as kids and after dying it’s safe to say he’s had things on his mind other than fashion. Not for the first time he wonders why his ghost wears what it does- whether it’s him, or Klaus, or some kind of combination between them.

Not that that’s really important. But being a ghost can be kinda boring. A lot of thinking time.

A bang and then six rapid taps from a cubicle brings Ben’s attention back to his brother. That’s generally the sign that Klaus gives Ben when he wants to get his attention without raising too much suspicion or confusion from anyone who may be nearby. Particularly if Klaus is in- well a potentially _compromising_ position, it’s a way of saying that it would be okay for Ben to look now.

“What do you think?” Klaus asks a note of challenge, twirling a little to make the chosen skirt flutter once Ben has moved to enter the changing area with him.

“I think it’s October and your legs are going to get cold,” he replies. One of them has to be sensible, and he doesn’t want to have to prevent Klaus from being able to do things just because they make him happy, but what he says is true.

Klaus pouts a little, “You’re just jealous because you’ll never look as fantastic as me.” But there’s not much joy in the statement, it doesn’t even really feel like Klaus is making a dig at Ben. It sounds almost defensive to Ben’s ears.

Klaus continues to ramble, trying on the jacket, but Ben doesn’t pay much attention.

But why would he be defensive, it’s not like he’s got to justify himself to Ben. Not over things like this, Klaus _knows_ Ben doesn’t mind. He’d never drop his brother over something so stupid as being camp, or femme, or wearing a skirt, or _anything_. Ben wouldn’t drop Klaus over anything, even if maybe he would want to. He’s proven that, he’s sure.

Or maybe he hasn’t proven himself to _this_ Klaus. Shit.

Suddenly the furtive approach to the skirt in question makes more sense. Klaus has never been a huge one to care about what others think, but Ben guesses that’s a little different when it’s your brother who’s always there and you can’t get away from.

“If you’re gonna get that skirt you should at least get some tights. Or a warmer coat. I can _not_ be bothered to deal with you complaining how you’re cold at 3am because you’re out in winter with bare legs,” he tells Klaus, making sure to keep his tone light, “You’ll probably need to get the coat somewhere else but…”

Klaus grins, “What colour of heels, I was thinking blue- dark blue-” Ben cuts him off before he can continue.

“No, no heels. Do you really want to break your jaw again?” This is something Ben is perpetually convinced is a bad idea. It’s hard to run away in heels too. Klaus just rolls his eyes but doesn’t protest so he probably sees the logic in Ben’s argument.

Klaus gets the skirt but not the jacket, swapping it out for one of his pairs of trousers. Thankfully he doesn’t then drop trou, but puts the skirt into his bag and then leaves the shop.

* * *

Bumping into someone they (or Ben) recognises at a club or bar is a cause for significant alarm and attention.

Because Ben has a very long and specific list of people who need to be avoided. At all costs. Unfortunately? Fortunately? They’re often the kind of people who Klaus encounters into a club.

So when he sees a guy making his way towards them from across the room, a guy who pings Ben’s familiarity radar, he can feel everything in him start to pick up. The feeling he got when he was younger- and _alive_ \- and his heart would start pounding uncontrollably in his chest. He’s instantly on high alert, and is getting ready to tell Klaus to _run_ , to get out of there to-

“Hey Klaus! Nice seeing you again, you look uh, amazing.” The guy says- shouts really, over the music, having made his way over. The salad guy with the accent from like three days ago?

It’s okay, stand down, Ben tells himself. The guy’s been nice, and Ben’s curious as to how this will play out.

“Obviously, I _am_ amazing,” Klaus replies, no sense of false modesty in Klaus. “You’re looking,” here Klaus pauses to run his eyes up the guy a few times, “pretty damn good yourself.” He finishes with a leer.

Okay, well Ben has heard all he really wants to hear. He definitely does not think he’s going to want to hear more.

“Shout if you need me,” he tells Klaus, before stalking off somewhere where he doesn’t have such a good view of his brother trying to engage in a hook up. But where he feels he can keep an eye on Klaus if need be.

But yeah. Ben doesn’t need to know what happens there. He takes the unique opportunity to really just _think_.

Ben doesn’t really ever get anytime to try and process his thoughts. He’s too busy looking after Klaus, calculating his next move or decision. Trying to work out what he should do or say to try and convince Klaus to not fuck it all up. It’s gotten tiring and he worries he doesn’t quite try as much as he should anymore, but it’s still pretty occupying.

If he’s not planning his next series of moves, then he’s busy making sure that Klaus is okay- and more importantly that he stays that way. Ben’s constantly on guard, always watching for people he recognises and wishes he didn’t, or just keeping out an eye for anyone who looks like they want to make trouble.

There’s so much to think about- so much to keep track of. He forgets that Klaus doesn’t _know_ of Ben’s easy acceptance of him, it’s barely a thought on Ben’s mind now, but each loop Klaus is testing the boundaries, and pushing out. Sure Klaus had always been camp as a kid, but will Ben change upon them being adults. Ben knows _no_. He never has, he never will.

But Klaus is young, and newly nineteen, and he remembers nothing. Ben sometimes forgets about all the things he has to do or say, how to make sure Klaus _knows_ he loves him. Make sure Klaus knows he hates the drugs, but not his brother. Klaus forgets every time, and it’s a pain in Ben’s barely existent arse to make sure he makes sure his brother knows.

Ben thought he’d be able to get some thinking time when Klaus is asleep. Some time on his own to deal with feelings and emotions that Klaus can’t know he has, because there’s no reason for him to have them. Not in this timeline. But when Klaus is asleep (or very high) Ben can’t really… well he can’t really do _anything_. He’s all sort of disconnected.

It feels like he’s floating and if he feels like he can’t process any of his complicated and distressing feelings when Klaus is conscious, he can’t even _realise he has_ feelings when he’s not.

Ben’s not _not_ there, when Klaus is off in his head. But he’s not really mentally present either.

So Ben’s thinking or processing time is very few and far between, times like this where he’s behind a door. Times when he knows Klaus is safe and doesn’t have to keep an eye out. Times when Klaus isn’t paying any attention to Ben.

He lies on his back and mouths the things he wishes he could say to someone. Voices the guilt he has to keep locked inside him, because he’s guilty of doing things to people, to his family- to _Klaus_ that by any other person’s estimate he hasn’t actually done.

Ben’s told his brother to kill himself though- maybe not in so many words, but Ben knew full well what would happen once he spilled the secret. Nothing will ever remove that stain from Ben’s conscience, it doesn’t matter that to Klaus it never happened.

“It was wrong to put that decision on you, and I shouldn’t have done it,” he breathes out, scarcely above a whisper, irrationally terrified the two men in the flat will hear.

He thinks about Diego, and Klaus, and the drugs, and his own gruesome, _painful_ , death and cries, staring up at the ceiling of a stranger’s apartment.

He’s careful to keep it quiet though. Keep it silent really. He doesn’t want to attract any of Klaus’ attention.

It feels kind of pointless. He remembered when being alive how _good_ a cry in his bed could feel. Far away from the teasing of Diego, or the harsh words of his father. Where no one could judge him, and he could just _be_. 

He used to have to be quiet back then too. Crying about being a _monster_ , because of the creature in his stomach.

What a joke, he’s far more of a monster now than he ever was when he was alive. The Horror is gone, seems the real monster was Ben all along.

What he’s done. Or hasn’t done. That’s what he hates himself for now. Not some bullshit abomination in his stomach that he only used because it would force its way out, and their father made it very clear what would happen if he didn’t let it out.

But it feels pointless, lying here crying silently. Because he’s _dead_. He doesn’t have _any_ bodily functions, he’s going through the motions of crying, but stifling his sobs while his eyes remain stubbornly dry, his nose doesn’t run. His body remains as composed as ever.

So much for the mournful dead. He can’t get a proper fucking cry out.

He stares up at the ceiling of a stranger as if salvation lies within. If he keeps his eyes on the ceiling he can pretend he’s not alone, he can make out as if there’s a doctor, or a therapist, or just a fucking _person_ there besides him who he could talk to.

“Am I being punished?” He asks the ceiling. It doesn’t respond. That’s okay, he’s not sure he really wants to know.

“I don’t want to watch Klaus die forever, I want this whole time-travel thing to stop,” he tells the ceiling, picking up after a lull, “But if not for the time loops then Klaus would be dead. I don’t think he’d like being dead very much.”

Again no answer is forthcoming.

“Well at least you’re not just telling me what I want to hear I guess,” he scoffs bitterly, still being careful to control his volume.

“I’m tired, and it’s not _fair_. None of it- not this situation, not Klaus, not me having to die!” He’s reached a normal volume on the last word, and stops, worried Klaus may have heard. Even if Klaus doesn’t actually do anything tonight- the most likely scenario, Ben doesn’t want to risk his brother trying to pick his brain come morning. 

Ben’s head is full of stuff it’s best that Klaus never comes near. Like the knowledge that Ben’s a shit brother.

Then again, Diego’s not so great either, nor is Klaus. Really their whole family is screwed up, none of them really know how to be siblings. Or, maybe they do- but they definitely don’t know how to support each other. Everything in their family is so fucked up whenever they try to help each other or try to mimic some kind of healthy relationship everything just gets more fucked up.

Look at Diego, look at Ben. They try, and they try, and they just seem to fail.

What’s the fucking _point?_

“What _is_ the point?” Third time lucky, maybe he’ll get some shocking insight out of the ceiling. But no.

“We just fail, why should we even fucking bother?” he doesn’t often really get a chance to try and get this stuff off his chest. Ever really think about it, and it’s cathartic. This is where Ben’s at, sixteen, thirty something, nineteen, whatever age he is, and asking a ceiling for advice.

He would laugh, but the noise.

He knows the answer though, and he suspects it’s the same for Diego.

Because Klaus is their brother, and it hurts, and it’s frustrating watching and trying, and failing to help Klaus.

But somehow… somehow watching him spin aimlessly and burn out is worse.

Ben still gets scared sometimes and shivers when he thinks about all the vitriol and hate in Klaus, turned upon himself in that one loop.

Maybe Ben deserved it, but that was not his brother. Not the brother he knows Klaus could and should be.

He misses Diego, he hopes him and Klaus make up soon. The arguments and the fallings out hit differently after…

Well, after _that_ loop.

Now he’s all sad and guilty and sad again.

Also sad- did Ben mention he was sad…

But he doesn’t need to be sad anymore because?

Oh yeah, Diego’s alive, that’s why. It’s getting hard to think.

Why, why? Why is that?

Oh no, he left Klaus alone. The guy seems nice…

Is Klaus-

Ben stumbles off up the corridor to go check.

Klaus is sleeping. Just sleeping.

_Oh._

That makes sense. Ben’s just gonna, lie here. He’s all floaty, enough being sad for a night.

* * *

“He told me he was going to make me brekkie last night,” Klaus excitedly tells Ben when he emerges the next morning- this time before the guy (Ben should probably lean his name) awakens himself.

“I’m hoping for pancakes, or eggs. You know if he keeps this up I would _not_ mind seeing him again at all- and by “it” I don’t just mean the cooking.”

Ben nods, “If you like him. He seems nice.”

“Oh trust me, he _is_ ,” Klaus replies. “So Benny, how was your night-” Klaus wiggles his eyebrows “- thought anymore about my offer about getting you a nice ghostie?”

Ben responds with a flat stare, which he feels conveys his response perfectly. Just in case it doesn’t though, he decides to also use his words.

“I thought we established why that was a bad idea on many fronts. Also no, I like my alone time.” Not _strictly_ speaking true. There’s not much to like about trying to cry and not being able to. Not much to like about confronting how much of a terrible person you really are. His alone time is important though.

And he doesn’t want Klaus summoning ghosts. You never know what they’re going to do, what they’ll be like.

“Alright, ` _alone time_ `,” Klaus smirks, “I see how it is.” With that, Klaus excuses himself to the bathroom to take a shower.

Ben shakes his head, banishing all thoughts of last night out of his mind. He’s not alone anymore.

And that’s it. Life- Klaus’ life- goes on.


	19. Arson: Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Diego's back!! Please let me know if you seen any mistakes or anything.

“So are you gonna go?” Ben asks.

Klaus rolls his shoulders before shrugging.

“We’ll see I guess,” Klaus responds.

“You’re meant to meet him in an hour if you’re going to show, and it’s about thirty minutes away, so you might want to start deciding.” Ben tells his brother. Honestly he’s not even hugely fussed about whether Klaus goes to meet the guy or not. He thinks he might kind of want Klaus to go, but far outweighing that wish is Ben’s desire for Klaus to do whatever _he_ thinks is best.

He doesn’t want Klaus to _forget_ to decide though, so he thinks prompting Klaus to make a decision isn’t that intrusive.

“We’ll see in _half an hour_ I guess.” Klaus shrugs again, before drying his hands and leaving the shitty cafe bathroom and sidling out before anyone realises he didn’t actually buy anything.

Forty minutes later finds them at a considerably nicer coffee shop, a chain, and a fair bit out of their usual way. Klaus dithers a bit, clearly not sure whether to go straight in, or to wait out here.

Ben sympathises, it’s cold out here- not for him, being a ghost and all- but it can’t be particularly pleasant for Klaus. On the other hand the guy- and if Klaus is meeting him _again_ he really needs to ask for his name, said to meet by the entrance.

“Um, so does this guy have a _name_ , Klaus?” Ben asks, hoping that Klaus does in fact know it, because otherwise this is looking to be a very awkward meeting. Knowing Klaus it might be awkward anyway. It’s one thing to meet a buzzed guy at one AM in a nightclub, but it’s different to meet him at one PM in a coffee shop.

“Michael,” Klaus says promptly, “Michael the Chef, god can that man cook.” His brother moans a bit at that, clearly vividly remembering the pancakes from a few days ago. Ben’s not sure whether he feels more disturbed or amused.

Soon enough the man himself- _Michael_ \- arrives and a full beam breaks out over his face when his eyes land on Klaus.

“You came!” Michael calls out, smile still prominent on his face.

“That I did,” Klaus responds, wiggling his eyebrows a little with a small smirk. “Well shall we?” Klaus bends in comical exaggeration sweeping open the door. Michael laughs and the two men go in, Ben following a little behind.

Ben stays with Klaus while he orders- a hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows, which makes Ben incredibly envious for a moment, and goes to sit down. Once Michael’s joined him, with a coffee and a slice of cake though Klaus gives him their sign for Ben to scram.

For his own peace of mind Ben would have quite liked to oversee this meeting, but he knows when he’s not welcome. Anyway, this _does_ look like it’s fast approaching date territory and no sibling wants to crash their brother’s date.

He scrams. Well he goes far enough away he can’t hear, but so he can still see Klaus and the door, that’s their deal. If Klaus has a problem with that he can make it known, and Ben can choose to ignore him.

He shoots Klaus a double thumbs up for luck, and then occupies himself by thinking what would each of his siblings order if they were all to come here. It’s harder than he thought it would be.

* * *

Ben roams around the coffee shop for the whole afternoon, occasionally sitting and staring at the covers of magazines that he can’t turn, and flicking his eyes over to where Klaus is sitting to make sure everything seems to be going okay.

It certainly _looks_ like it’s going well.

Eventually they both get up to leave, and Ben goes over to join Klaus. Technically speaking Ben doesn’t have to consciously make the effort to follow his brother, considering he appears to be pretty much tied to Klaus, but it’s always nicer to follow him than to be unceremoniously dragged around by an unknown force.

Klaus hangs back a little, to allow Ben to catch up with him, Michael’s already at the door waiting for Klaus.

“We’re going back to his place,” Klaus mutters to Ben when he’s finally made his way over to his brother. “This might turn into a thing.”

Then his brother hurries over to the door, having put his jacket on, where this time Michael does the exaggerated door opening for Klaus who pretends to swoon.

Ben smiles a little

* * *

Klaus spends most of the evening in the kitchen, watching Michael cook, so Ben doesn’t have a chance to talk to him, or get any more details about the situation. Apparently Michael’s making occobuso, and he’s clearly a competent chef. Watching him cook is pretty satisfying, and he and Klaus trade easy banter.

Eventually though, Klaus excuses himself to go to the toilet, and that’s when Ben takes his opportunity to start asking his questions.

“So is this another one-night hookup or…” Ben trails off to allow Klaus to fill in the gap.

“I think it’s what the kids these days call _dating_ , Benny. I mean he asked me if I wanted to move in, but like, as a trial run. So we’ll see.” Klaus replies. Which wow, that’s quite the shock. _Klaus? Dating?_ He’s happy for his brother, but it’s odd. That’s for certain.

“Do you like him?” Ben asks. He’s never really seen Klaus invested in any person that wasn’t himself. Maybe Diego, sometimes.

“I like his cooking, and I like his bed- that is a good bed for shagging.” Klaus responds flippantly. Ben has to resist the urge to roll his eyes at that response. What kind of answer is that? It’s a very Klaus answer, that’s what it is.

“Don’t do anything you don’t want to do,” he tries to tell Klaus seriously. For his part Klaus matches his expression as he looks directly at Ben’s eyes.

“Don’t worry Benny, not again. I’ve fucking _left_ the academy.” Klaus goes as if to pat Ben’s shoulder, and then stops awkwardly remembering he can’t.

“Ahem, well, anyway I smell dinner and it smells actually glorious so feel free to join us, and also feel very free not to, I guess.” With that Klaus goes off in the direction of the kitchen. Ben doesn’t follow, he likes having some of his own time.

* * *

It actually seems to be going pretty well. Klaus is happy, Michael seems happy, and Ben’s glad that at least Klaus has regular access to food, shelter, and showers. To be completely honest Ben thought Michael would have flipped by now, Klaus spends most of his day on _something_ , though maybe it helps that he tends to do whatever it is that he’s done out of the house. As in he doesn’t lie on the couch all day drinking, or shoot up in Michael’s bedroom. Additionally to his brother’s credit, he’s pretty good about keeping the house tidy while Michael’s at work, who in thanks seems to cook for Klaus.

According to Klaus the food is incredible, Ben will have to take his word for it, but he can admit that it certainly _looks_ good.

Klaus has also tried to tell him in detail how great the sex is, but Ben sings very loudly when it looks like Klaus is going to start in on details that he has absolutely _zero_ desire to know about.

Especially since it’s not just Klaus now, Ben also technically lives with Michael. He’d like to be able to look people in this apartment in the eye. Not that Michael would know though.

It’s been a bit stressful for Ben however, because Michael doesn’t really live near the academy. Or more specifically, the few blocks of town that Klaus tends to roam.

This means that Ben doesn’t know the dealers. Nothing’s happened- yet. If only because Klaus doesn’t really know the dealers either and has been sticking to pain meds and alcohol. But Ben really doesn’t like the idea that Klaus could buy from the wrong person. All his foresight, and time travel knowledge is no help here. Ben doesn’t know the area, or the people.

But it’s also, well, it’s a _nicer_ area, and Klaus not being homeless does take a load off of Ben’s mind, so it all sort of shakes out equal.

Together they’ve been discovering more about the local area- where the best places to eat are, where the best pancakes are. Which thrift stores have the best selections of clothes to buy, and which department stores have the best selections to try on.

It’s weird seeing how much more free time his brother has, now that he’s no longer spending a good portion of his day trying to sort out accommodation, or clubbing.

None of the places round here come anywhere close to the quality of Griddy’s though- according to Klaus. A fact which Klaus is currently bemoaning to Ben.

“What does a man have to do to get some decent Griddy’s waffles around here?” Klaus asks Ben, wiping a fake tear from his eye as he pretends to sob.

“Go to Griddy’s,” Ben responds deadpan. Klaus gives him an unimpressed look in return.

“Okay, but more seriously, it’s what? twenty, thirty minutes by bus? You’ve got cash, just go over and buy some. Anything to stop your moping, jeesh,” He points out to Klaus. It may be further away than Klaus casually wants to go, but if he specifically wants waffles then Ben doesn’t see why he can’t just go.

Besides, their outgoing expenses have reduced considerably, Klaus can definitely afford a bus ticket there and back. It’s not like Klaus isn’t swimming in time either.

“The bus! Yes! Ben, you are a _genius_!” Klaus waves his hands in the air, “Griddy’s here I come!” and charges off to go get his wallet, leaving Ben standing in the wake of hurricane Klaus. His brother is really something.

* * *

A familiar, but highly unexpected sight catches Ben’s eye as soon as they step into Griddy’s.

Diego is at the counter, body tense, and seemingly having a very focused and intense conversation with Agnes. He glances at Klaus, he feels like his brother’s should be over their little… well spat, but now. But he’s not sure, it’s been a while, but Klaus and Diego still continue to surprise him.

He wonders why Diego is even here, to be honest. He’s relatively certain that Diego doesn’t really like Griddy’s, or more specifically doesn’t like the types of food they serve. Maybe it’s not Diego? But Ben doubts he’d forget what Diego looks like. He’s pretty certain.

He decides not to mention Diego’s presence to Klaus though, let his brother work it out for himself. Just in case Klaus is still pissed off about Diego’s latest lecture. Or if Diego is still mad about Klaus getting arrested.

Diego hands something over to Agnes, who looks at it, and shakes her hand before giving it back. If possible Diego’s body seems to go even more tense, giving a terse nod before turning himself around and going to stalk out of the restaurant.

Ben sees the very moment Diego’s eyes catch on Klaus. It looks like ages of stress have just been wiped from his brother’s face, and his body relaxes. The whole reaction seems… well odd.

“Klaus!” Diego breathes out, the note of relief clear and heavy in his voice. Beside him, Klaus startles and looks up.

Ben would think that Diego was going in for a hug, but it’s Diego. So, he stops short, and settles his hand on Klaus’ shoulder, clasping tightly- so tightly Ben can see his knuckles whiten and Klaus shifts uncomfortably under the grip, before immediately letting go and stepping back.

Ben’s confused, and a little alarmed by this interaction, and by the looks of it Klaus is too.

“Where’ve you been? You’ve been alright? I’ve been looking… weeks, I thought…” Diego says quickly, all at once, before trailing off.

Klaus’ eyes dart towards Ben, and he shrugs, unsure what to make of it himself.

“Uh, why don’t we sit down?” Klaus asks, eying Diego dubiously. He clearly agrees with Ben’s sentiment that Diego seems kind of unsteady on his feet, and getting him sat down, hopefully calmed down, and then getting some answers out of him would be a good idea.

“I’ve been _amazing_ ,” Klaus tells Diego once they’re seated, “amazing sex, great food, nice apartment. Really been living the highlife,” He tells Diego with a little nod.

Diego breaths out again, a big gust of a sigh, and smiles a little.

“You’ve found a house? Where?” He sounds surprised, but also a little pleased to Ben’s ears.

“Nah, I met someone,” Klaus responds waving Diego off, “anyway did you want to order anything? Because I’m about to go up.”

Diego just shakes his head no, and waves Klaus off. He doesn’t move from his seat though, clearly intending on spending the meal with Klaus. Ben does seem him pull out his phone, and Ben can just about make out what Diego’s saying in an undertone, clearly meant to pass by Klaus’ ears.

“Hey, Eudora?” a pause, “Yeah, I’ve found him, it’s all good. Can we talk later?” a slightly longer pause this time, “And um, _thank you_ , for uh, yeah. Gotta go.”

Ben sees Diego wipe a hand over his face, and is Diego _crying_? He wishes he were tangible, so strongly for a second, so he could reach out and offer Diego some comfort. His brother keeps his head bowed down, and when Klaus returns he lifts it up and any evidence of tears are gone as if they never happened in the first place.

“So this person,” Diego launches in again, as soon as Klaus has sat down, “where does she- he? Uh they? Um-, where are you living?” Diego asks awkwardly.

“He lives, like thirty? Minutes east on that bus,” Klaus replies, twisting round to point at a bus pulling into the stop outside.

Diego nods, as if what Klaus has said has cleared up some kind of question for him.

“Is he nice, what’s his name?” He asks, leaning forward. Ben raises an eyebrow at Klaus, it feels mildly like Diego is trying to stage an interrogation.

“His cooking is divine, the sex is glorious, and his name’s Michael.” Klaus happily tells Diego, “We’re _dating_ ,” he says as if confessing some big secret.

“Wow, you must _really_ like him. Huh.” Diego sounds kind of surprised, but Ben can’t really fault him for that. Dating is not a word one really associates with Klaus, he’s very flighty.

“What’s his surname?” Diego asks after a short pause, determined look on his face.

Klaus gives Ben a look, as if to ask `can you believe this guy?`, but chooses to answer anyway.

“Rosetti, he’s Italian, like actually from Italy. Are you going to go and stalk him now? If he comes back with any knife holes I can tell you I won’t be pleased. Anyway, I’m a big boy, I can look after myself.”

It takes all of Ben’s self control not to snort at that, if only Klaus could look after himself. He appreciates Diego’s sentiment, but still agrees with Klaus that it feels kind of invasive.

Still, a Klaus with invaded privacy is infinitely preferable to a dead one where Diego minded his own business.

Diego shows he cares in weird ways.

“I wouldn’t send him back to you with knife holes.” Diego says blandly, “If I’ve gotta give him knife holes he’s not going to be going anywhere near you at all.”

“Ooooo-kay….” Klaus makes a mock alarmed face, “Potential murderer alert, sure that will go down well with your police buddies.” Ben winces a little at that statement. Because if he’s right in where he thinks the timeline is…

“I don’t have police buddies. I quit.” Yup, Ben was right.

“Oh, awkward.” Klaus makes a surprised face, “Not over little ol’ me I would hope?” he continues, sounding hopeful, but uncertain.

“It was over you.” Diego confirms deadpan. Then he sighs a little, “Also other stuff. You were just the straw that broke the camel’s back I guess.”

Thankfully Klaus’ food arrives then, before the awkwardness can settle in too deeply.

Diego and Ben both watch Klaus eat for a bit in silence.

“So you’re happy at Michael’s?” Diego asks. Klaus nods fervently in reply, more focused on his food.

“Yup, oh man, I have _missed_ Griddy’s. None of the places up near Michael are as good as this. Diego, honestly you are missing out. Why did I not think of getting the bus down here earlier?” Klaus says, before moaning at his waffles.

Ben and Diego both used to their brother’s antics don’t react.

“Oh, so you’ve been hanging around up near _his_ house.” Diego comments, and then more quietly adds, “so that’s why I haven’t seen you.”

“How long have you guys been living together?” Diego continues probing.

Klaus eyes shoot to Ben for help, wow.

“Like 2 weeks, but you had some hook-ups at his house a few weeks before that.” He tells Klaus. It amuses him sometimes that he has a better idea of the happenings in Klaus’ life than Klaus.

“Two weeks, but we met a month ago. And you can clearly see I’m still alive, so stop freaking out about him. You’re not _actually_ older than me.” Klaus grins.

“Someone needs to older brother you,” Diego grumbles, “Anyway, it’s a bit late, but I couldn’t find you and- anway. Happy Birthday _little_ bro, we’re nineteen.”

Diego hands over a picture, it shows Klaus and Diego asleep on a couch. Klaus is sprawled ungainly, and Diego’s drooling a little. It’s not flattering in the slightest.

Ben loves it.

“I had a frame, but I took it out because- well doesn’t matter, but yeah, sorry for the lack of frame.” Diego rambles awkwardly, “So I’ve learnt from that to never fall asleep in public because _people_ will take photos of you and use them as _blackmail_. Go decorate your new house with it. If you want.”

Ben vaguely wonders who gave Diego the photo, but considering the background looks like Diego’s accommodation in the police academy, and the irritated, but friendly tone he’d used on the words “people” and “blackmail” Ben is going to bet it was Eudora.

“Thanks,” Klaus smiles, “brother who is _the same age._ ” He looks at it for a moment, before carefully tucking it into a pocket on his jacket, and continuing to eat his waffles.

“I’m glad you’re doing good Klaus. Glad I found you too,” Diego comments, before settling down in the booth. None of them speak at all while Klaus eats his waffles. They’re brothers and it’s enough to just sit in each other’s presence.

Ben does wonder a little about Diego’s words, and finally like rusty gears, the pieces finally click together. Diego’s worry when they first arrived, his relief upon seeing Klaus, his insistence to know where he was, and shock at discovering how far east Klaus had been.

He wonders how long Diego had been looking for Klaus before he found him this time.

He thinks about the photo Diego gave Klaus, and how it would be about the right size for whatever his brother was showing to Agnes with that tight worried expression.

Sometimes Ben forgets he’s not the only one who’s worried about Klaus and his whereabouts.

Thanks for caring he mouths to Diego. Neither of his brothers see it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited it because I just realised I did a massive goof and accidentally posted the end of a future chapter onto the end of this, ahahaha, don't mind me.


	20. Arson: Part 4

Ben’s feelings on Michael have changed a lot.

At first he’d really liked the guy, he’d seemed friendly, Klaus had seemed into him, and ultimately Ben had judged him to be a good man- or at the very least unlikely to be bad. But then…

Well let Ben put it this way. He finds it _mildly_ suspicious (to put it lightly) that Michael is _so_ willing to just let Klaus crash at his apartment. Sure, they’re dating, sure Michael seems pretty happy and chilled about it, sure Klaus does actually do stuff like tidying and the two men seem to get on decently well outside of cooking and whatever they do in the bedroom. Or in the living room.

But letting a guy you barely know stay rent free at your house? Dating a guy after like two or three hookups and a coffee date?

Ben knows he’s paranoid- and rightly so, but as they say, “Just because you’re paranoid it doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.” Ben spends his time analysing, and double, triple thinking everything Michael says or does, desperately trying to find out what his _game_ is here. What he’s getting out of it.

Because what _is_ he getting out of it? A druggie leeching off his money? Yeah, sounds like a real good deal to Ben. He keeps a _very_ close eye on Michael.

But the thing is, it seems like Michael _doesn’t_ have any real ulterior motives. That’s when it kind of hits Ben. Michael and Klaus, they’re so _young_. Hell, their combined ages are probably only a little older than Ben- counting all the time loops.

They’re young, and Michael thinks they’re in love- Ben’s less sure about Klaus. _Puppy love_ \- it’s sickening almost. Klaus is probably the first guy that Michael’s really liked, and he’s crushing- _hard_.

Also Klaus is young enough that the whole drinking, partying, clubbing, stoner thing seems kind of attractive. He’s young enough, and his substance issues haven’t gotten bad enough (yet) that he just comes off as a mess. He comes off a little more as a lost soul, or maybe just a fun-loving guy in his prime trying to live his life a little.

That’s how Ben thinks he could view Klaus if he didn’t really know him, certainly if he didn’t have all this knowledge that by rights he shouldn’t have.

So Ben’s feelings on Michael have flip-flopped a lot. He’s not got an ulterior motive. 

Michael’s just young, dumb ~~(full of cum)~~ , and thinks he’s hopelessly in love.

Klaus? Klaus is nothing if not an opportunist. Sure, Ben can see he _does_ like Michael as a person, Klaus doesn’t seem to mind his company, Ben might even say he enjoys it. 

Klaus doesn’t really seem to let Michael in- not like Michael does with Klaus, telling stories of his brother and sister back in Italy, raised by their mother, dad died fairly young. How his love for cooking had actually come from his uncle. How he’d moved to the States with thoughts of college- grad school. Telling Klaus about his hobbies. Ben had micro-analysed every last detail.

For Klaus’ part, he hasn’t really told Michael anything. To be fair, Ben wouldn’t mention the academy, or the _powers_ either. But Klaus’ birthday present from Diego stays safe in Klaus’ bag. Wrapped in plastic to keep it safe from any awkward spills, and brought out on rare occasions where Klaus and Ben look at it together. Sometimes Ben mocks Klaus for how ridiculous he looks, and they both team up on Diego together.

Sometimes when Michael’s on the phone, chattering away in Italian to one family member or another Klaus will bring out the photo and Ben can see him wondering what everything might have been like if Reginald had been a proper father. Or maybe that’s just Ben projecting. Regardless it doesn’t make Klaus call Diego. They do Griddy’s on the third Wednesday of the month. It’s better than nothing, and it’s certainly better than a lot of loops.

Ben does wonder how much Klaus would be sticking around if he had a reliable place to sleep, shower, and eat outside of Michael though. It’s an uncharitable thought, but Ben doesn’t have the time to lie to himself about what Klaus is like.

He loves his brother warts and all, and the fact of the matter is Klaus’ character won’t come up smelling like roses. Neither does Ben’s, he doesn’t hold it against his brother. It’s a fact of the academy- Ben would challenge anyone to come out of there as a wholeheartedly _good_ person. Maybe Vanya, Ben thinks. 

It’s not like Ben’s ever brought up his concerns about Klaus’ true level of investment in Michael to his brother though; that he thinks Klaus is playing Michael. Ben’s selfish too, it’s just that Ben’s selfishness forms itself around Klaus’ best interests.

Because if it’s good for Klaus, it’s probably good for Ben.

But yeah, once he comes to the realisation about Michael Ben relaxes a lot again. Klaus has a home, and food, and safety. He has another person who cares about him, he has a friend, he seems happy with Michael- happier than he really ever was at the academy. He has a permanent address too, one which comes with a telephone.

_Klaus has a telephone number_.

Ben made sure to impress this fact several times upon Klaus last time they saw Diego, they have Diego’s number too now. Klaus _doesn’t_ call Diego, but that’s immaterial- it’s not like Diego calls either. The point is that they _could_.

If Ben had any spare brain power he’d try to get Klaus to talk to Diego more. From past experience- though his knowledge of the details of Diego’s life is shaky- it’s a rough patch in Diego’s life at the moment. Their brother could probably do with their support.

But, well, Klaus is still spiralling, and Ben tries to talk to him. But he keeps it out of the house- mostly, so Michael doesn’t really pick up on how bad it is. Which is a double edged sword- on the one hand it means Michael doesn’t really realise how much of a _mess_ Klaus is, and so doesn’t kick him out. On the other hand, it means that Klaus doesn’t get any pressure from his boyfriend to sort his life out.

But there’s no point in Ben dwelling on the fact. Now he’s certain that Michael’s not a nightmare waiting to happen in a sheep’s disguise he wants to try and get to know the guy. Not in his previous paranoia where every expression was over-analysed as he desperately sought for evidence of wrongdoing. Nah, he wants to get to know him in the good ways. To get why sometimes late at night he’ll say something which will make Klaus laugh, and sometimes even bring out a real smile.

Klaus is all smiles, loud and raucous. But sometimes Michael will bring out the quiet smiles, the ones that Klaus has when he’s eating in silence with Diego, and other expressions none of their family has _ever_ brought out in Klaus.

Looks he’s seen on Diego’s face when he’s talking to Eudora. They’re far rarer on Klaus, but if Michael can bring them out in Klaus, then he’s a guy really worth trying to get to know. Even with the difficulties of Ben being dead.

Ben can scarcely believe this loop is going so well. He hadn’t believed it, and he hadn’t wanted to get attached. But it’s looking like maybe it’s worth it.

It’s also a little awkward though. Klaus and Michael are curled up on the sofa watching some movie. It’s hard to work out when he’s intruding, especially when one of them always thinks they’re alone. Ben has zero desire to creep.

Human decency you know. Also Klaus is his _brother_.

But Ben guesses he and Michael have similar aims. Ben wants to suss out Michael, and Michael wants to suss out Klaus. For his part, Klaus seems to kind of want everyone to stay in the dark about each other.

Maybe it hurts Klaus that his boyfriend and his brother can’t really meet, and it’s easier for Klaus that Ben and Michael never get to know each other.

Ben wants to get to know him though, and he gleans every scrap of information that he can. His likes, his dislikes.

Apparently Michael doesn’t even _like_ ossobuco all that much. He just knows it’s his best dish- or Klaus’ favourite. “There’s no difference” Michael says with a laugh, and he’s so sickeningly sweet towards Klaus that Ben could gag, except he wants Klaus to be happy.

Ben’ settling into this life, and it’s a good one. Even if Klaus is probably living his life a little too wild still for Ben’s liking.

* * *

_Two ish, years later_

Things crash down though. As they are wont to do. Diego calls, voice shaking and stuttering- other than when he’s swearing which is most of the conversation. Here’s Diego, who hasn’t called in at least eight months- probably twelve, hasn’t shown up to Griddy’s in three, and now he wants to talk to Klaus in person as soon as possible. It’s an unusual and alarming incident, and Ben would be more concerned but, well.

He’d heard the words “Vanya” and “book”, and while he doesn’t know how to feel about the whole situation, he has a pretty good read on how Diego does.

Vanya’s published her book again. He wonders how this is going to change things _._

* * *

They’re at the bottom of the stairs, just shy of the entrance to Michael’s building, Klaus having absolutely legged it down the stairs in his haste.

Suddenly his brother freezes, eyes darting towards the clock in the hallway.

“What is it?” Ben asks, concerned, and slightly curious. Merely moments ago Klaus had seemed desperate to get to meet Diego, seeming as concerned as Ben himself about their brother’s deeply unusual, and mildly disturbing uncollected state.

“Rocky’s meant to be ‘round in about fifteen…” Klaus trails off, sounding conflicted.

Ben feels a tide of irritation and anger, and with a small current of disgust rising within him. _Rocky_ , Klaus’ favourite dealer in this new neck of the woods.

Diego or drugs? What will Klaus choose? What does Klaus always choose in the end? This is different though. This isn’t just stabbing Diego in the back after he offers help. This is possibly the first time _ever_ that Diego has directly reached out to Klaus, and it looks like Klaus is going to turn his back.

No fucking _way_ , is Ben going to let this stand.

“I don’t think I’ve heard Diego stutter that much since my fucking _funeral_ , Klaus.” It’s not technically true, he’s heard Diego stutter after his funeral. Not after his most recent one though.

“He’s never asked you for _anything_.” (Except for sobriety, but even Diego’s been relatively lax about that) “He’s your _brother_ , can’t you do this one fuc-”

Klaus cuts him off mid sentence: “Where did Diego say he wanted to meet?” A determined expression set on his face.

“His place,” Ben replies, forcing down a smile. He’s proud and pleased with Klaus, finally showing some real interest in someone else, but in the current situation doesn’t really warrant smiling.

Klaus waves a hand around, walking towards the entrance of the building once more, “Yeah I got that part, where’s that? How do we, like, actually get there?”

“Bus, I’ll tell you when we need to get off and where to go after that, because let’s be real, you’re going to forget.” Ben tells Klaus, tone light. To be honest, Diego had not given particularly good instructions, and it’s a good thing Ben roughly knows how to find where Diego lives because he’s been there before.

Just not in this life.

Klaus rolls his eyes, but doesn’t argue with Ben, which probably shows that he agrees. Instead they focus their attention on the movie poster tacked up by the stop. It displays a bunch of young adults, who are clearly meant to be teenagers in a variety of poses.

` _Prom Night!`_ the poster cheerfully displays, it looks tacky.

One of the girls- women, on the poster is Allison. Chin resting on a co-star.

“I see Ally’s doing well for herself,” Klaus comments, with possibly a hint of bitterness. Ben shrugs in response. Allison’s made a life for herself. Probably. Ben can hardly fault her.

He’s never seen any of her acting, it’s not like they ever got the chance as kids, and Klaus doesn’t spend money on movies. Ben wouldn’t be surprised if she rumoured her way into Hollywood. If Ben could talk his way into getting Klaus a better life he would.

Then again, maybe she’s not.

“This is what, her second, third movie?” Klaus continues, “We saw her in those other two posters right? Or were they for the same movie?”

Ben thinks, but he can’t really recall, so he just shrugs again. “Acting’s meant to be a lot like lying they say. Figures she’d be good at it.”

Klaus lets out a long whistle. “Wow Benny,” he chuckles and shakes his head.

Ben didn’t really mean it as a dig specifically at Allison. They’re all good liars, actors, that’s what the academy did to them. Except for (again), maybe Vanya. She definitely grew up differently to the rest of them, and it’s not just about the exclusion or lack of powers.

Acting for screen may be in a separate ball park to how he and his siblings operate, but Ben’s been acting since he died for the fifth time. They’re all actors in their own way.

Klaus keeps shaking his head and laughing until the bus comes.

It’s an awkward three minutes.

Like how the hell do you keep laughing for a hundred and eighty seconds?

Another one of life’s mysteries Ben guesses, but thank god the bus comes.

* * *

Once they get off the bus Ben is fully ready to start giving Klaus directions to the gym where Diego’s living; Klaus it seems has other ideas. As soon as his brother’s feet hit the pavement he makes an instant beeline for the liquor store clearly in sight.

Typical. It’s kind of funny.

“Somehow I don’t think Diego lives in there Klaus,” Ben drawls, folding his arms. He’s trying his best not to be accusatory- it’s not objectively bad, it’s just that Diego sounded like a an absolute fucking mess on the phone, he’s rarely ever heard Diego so rattled, and he’s not sure if Diego has ever actually _asked_ Klaus for help before. Hell, asked anyone other than maybe Mom.

Ben wants to get there quickly, he’s worried.

“You heard how our second favourite _stoic_ brother sounded on the phone,” Klaus comments- which yeah, he did, “I think maybe a drink would be in order. I doubt Diego is going to have any alcohol of his own in his house, so me, being the kind and considerate brother that I am, have decided to go and bring him some.”

With that Klaus pushes open the door and enters the shop.

Considering that Diego doesn’t drink (as far as Ben’s aware, he never has around them) it does seem likely that he won’t have any booze to hand. It also seems unlikely that Diego is going to _want_ to drink it though. 

But considering Klaus skipped out on a meeting with a dealer to rush down here to see Diego… well. Ben’s just going to say that he’s glad Klaus is only going to be turning up a little drunk, not high.

In his seemingly vulnerable state Ben can surely say that Diego would not approve of a drugged up Klaus. But Ben gets that Klaus needs to keep the ghosts away. He gets it in a way he never had when he was alive, a way he doubts Diego can really understand. He doesn’t like the drinking, but it seems to be a compromise. Klaus’ drug use is not nearly so erratic as it has been in some loops. 

Maybe it’s Michael, maybe it’s having a house, maybe it’s Ben.

Maybe it’s a butterfly being stomped on fifty miles away. Who the hell knows. Who really cares- Ben _does_ care, but he’s also done with driving himself round and round in circles trying to work out every little detail. He’s got plenty to take care of already.

Klaus leaves the shop with a bottle of whiskey, vodka, and a six-pack of beers which he promptly opens and starts drinking.

“Well lead the way to Diego Benny, we better go check on him,” Klaus gestures with his open can.

Ben leads him to the gym, it’s not that far.

* * *

Ben can see Diego as they approach. His brother is standing by the door, body tense and keeps taking short aborted steps towards the door itself before jerkily aborting the motion. His hands keep reaching towards his pockets as if reaching for something before clenching into fists, and Ben can practically _see_ the smoke rolling off Diego in his anger. The metaphorical storm clouds are very dark, very large, and _very_ present.

At his side Klaus pauses for a moment, but Klaus has never had a great self-preservation instinct, so his hesitation is only momentary.

With seemingly far more confidence than Ben feels, Klaus steadfastly walks into the gym and straight into the eye of storm Diego.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an update, at last oop. Sorry that nothing basically happens this chapter, I ran into a bunch of blocks in this part of the story.


	21. Arson: Part 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah really sorry for the delay just been feeling **** for a bit. Been distracted by irl and other fics. Still have this plotted out though and have had a bit of motivation recently so yeah.  
> Sorry for the wait but hope you enjoy.  
> Feel free to let me know what you think.

“Diego, hey,” Klaus says, sounding almost as serious as Ben has ever heard him, “Let’s just go to your room and sit down? Okay?” Klaus’ tone has switched to placating, clearly trying to calm their brother down before knives and sharp objects start flying. “Then you can explain exactly what Vanya’s done now.”

Ben watches to see Diego jerkily nod his head before turning around and beckoning for Klaus to follow.

“I’d ask if you were okay, _mein bruder_ , but I think we can agree that ship has loooooong since sailed,” Klaus comments as they follow Diego into his cramped room in the gym. It’s familiar to Ben at least, though Klaus hasn’t been here before (that he remembers).

Last time Ben had seen Diego after Vanya’s book had been written Diego had been sad, melancholy even. Sure he’d hadn’t been _pleased_ , but he hadn’t been full of rage and anger like this version of Diego that he sees in front of him. It’s easy to joke that Diego’s quick to rage- because his brother _is_ , but it’s like the flare of a match- sudden and out fast. This is something else…

“I brought alcohol in case you need a drink, ‘cause _I_ need a drink and in my professional opinion I think you need one too,” Klaus says matter of factly as he flops down onto Diego’s bed, “so pick your poison and spill. Like what’s this book even _about_? Is it flattering? Am I _famous_ now?”

“ _Yes_ , we’re fucking _famous_ now.” Diego bites out, sounding like he’s trying to hold back tears of frustration. “Our _delightful_ childhood has been plastered across this, this _trash_ for the whole world to read.”

Diego sags down onto the floor in front of where Ben and Klaus are seated on the bed, and he longs to give him a hug.

“She was our _sister_ , and she- she fucking- she-” Diego cuts himself off and angrily slams his hand down onto the ground. “She fucking _betrayed_ us!”

That seems to be putting it kind of strongly to Ben. Sure, he’s never _read_ it himself, and he’s not especially keen about Vanya writing a book with all their names, but still- “betrayed”?

“Ooooookay,” Klaus drawls out, “I’m starting drinking like 3 minutes ago and I’d recommend that you join me because it sounds like you _really_ ne-” Ben is frantically shaking his head at Klaus, trying to get him to shut up, because just no, but to no avail. Klaus’ is interrupted himself by Diego though.

“NO! I don’t need a fucking drink Klaus, I need you to just…” Diego trails off.

“Okay, so like, writing a book about us without consulting us, and by us I mean _me_ , first is like rude. Because I would be a great interviewee, but I mean, lets be honest, it’s not like you ever liked her that much when we were kids, so like. What’s the big deal? Klaus asks him, not flustered by Diego’s interruption in the slightest.

“She was our _sister_ ,” Diego repeats, “She was our sister, and I would have-”

“Okay again, but like do you even like her?” Klaus asks nonchalantly, and see. This is where Ben and Diego really differ from Klaus, because their brother can’t see it, doesn’t seem to value it. It especially angers Ben when Klaus doesn’t seem to realise just how much of a goldmine he has in Diego- how lucky he is. Or maybe Klaus does realise, but only the physical value, not the emotional.

“If she’d asked, I would have dropped _everything_ , okay? But why am I surprised? We’re a family of fucking idiots who don’t seem to know the meaning of the fucking word.” a bitter laugh, “I officially declare myself free of sisters and older siblings.”

“Mmmm,” Ben hears Klaus say awkwardly, clearly unsure of what to say or do. Personally, Ben just thinks Diego needs to vent, but he’s a little wary because there is a look in Diego’s eyes that seems a bit unstable.

“I could find her you know?” Diego lets out a laugh, “It would be easy, and I could go there, and I could ask her what the _fuck_ she thought she did, and I could trash her place, or just go and make her feel as _shit_ as I do right now.” 

Okay, Ben is officially freaked out, not helped by the sight of Diego starting to fiddle with one of his knives. Even Klaus is beginning to sit up and pay attention.

“Uh, Diego-”

“Because I know how to find people,” Diego continues straight on, barrelling over Klaus, “it’s not hard. But you know what? I won’t, because I’m not a _good_ fucking person, but I try to _help_ people right. That’s what the fucking academy and all of it’s about. See at first I was always like, well if Eudora says it’s bad, then I shouldn’t fucking do it, because she’d get upset.”

_Eudora?_ Klaus mouths at him confused.

“His cop friend, I think she helped him track you down after you moved in with Michael.” Ben tells him helpfully.

“But do you know what I’ve realised Klaus? I’ve realised that everyone you think gives a shit about you is just going to flake out, and that there’s no point caring about it, or doing anything. I do things now because _I_ think they’re right. Not because dad said, or my boss says, or Eu- or anyone else says. Vanya’s a bitch. If she knows what’s good for her she’ll stay away.”

And that is a lot for Ben to take in, he’s still reeling, trying to process it all, but Diego just keeps talking. He does note that Diego doesn’t exclude Klaus when talking about the people you love flaking out.

“See, it’s a waste of time giving a shit about her- because Vanya _clearly_ didn’t give a shit about me.” Diego finishes, at last, and shuffles over to lean against the wall.

“Well, umm, that was a lot” Klaus says awkwardly, echoing Ben’s own thoughts, “But like, what did she actually _say_ , you know. Like, details brother, please.”

“She wrote about how Ben died,” Diego says flatly, “She wrote about how he died, and how when he came back he was bloody and how _we_ all held it together but _she_ cried and felt so alone without her siblings to comfort her.”

Diego stares back at Klaus, his eyes red rimmed, “She wrote about how Ben died, and she wasn’t even _there!_ ” Diego lets out a pained sob, “She didn’t write about how _you_ nearly fucking died on the floor of that stupid bathroom- how I thought I was too late to save _two_ brothers in the same night. Just that I was tough, and _stoic_ , and refused to let her share my grief. I was grieving! I was worried! We were _sixteen_! She wasn’t _there_.”

In the corner of Ben’s vision, he can see Klaus staring back at Diego and even through the haze of alcohol the shock and pain is clear on his face also. Had Diego ever _told_ Klaus that he’d nearly died that night? Had Ben?

It’s easier to focus on Klaus’ and Diego’s shock because it means that Ben doesn’t have to deal with his own. To think that Vanya would actually write about this, show this and all their ugliest parts to the world.

Diego’s holding his face very still in that tell-tale way that means he’s trying to will tears back into his eyes, the silence is broken by Klaus.

“ _Bitch_ ,” Klaus says, anger in his voice. Ben doesn’t even bristle this time, he’s still processing. Klaus moves over to where Diego is slumped and places his hand on his face forcing Diego to look at him and now Ben’s brothers are hunched together eyes locked.

“She’s a _bitch_ , and you don’t need her. We don’t need her, okay?” Then Klaus pats Diego once or twice before flopping back onto the bed and taking another swig of alcohol.

“She wouldn’t do that. Why would she do that?” Ben hears himself ask Klaus who just shrugs and says the word bitch again.

“So, what else did she say Diego? Anything about you, anything about me?” Klaus asks, tone reeking with force joviality.

“Essentially that you’re a horny junkie, but it’s because our childhood was so “ _tragic_ ” and that I’m a prick who only cares about stabbing people and Mom. At least that’s what I got out of it. Ben and Five could do no wrong of course, especially Five. Wouldn’t do to badmouth the dead I guess.” Diego chuckles, and it’s not a comforting sound. “And she talks about Reginald like she knows what he was like. _She_ didn’t have powers; _she_ didn’t have to go through training and missions.”

“Five’s not a ghost,” Klaus says half-heartedly, then- “What did she say about our training?” Klaus asks urgently as if he’s realised something he’s terrified about.

“A lot of shit,” Diego wetly chuckles, “a lot of fucking shit.” There’s a small thump that lands right where Ben is sitting, and he moves because it’s still _weird_ to have things go through him.

Upon closer inspection it’s revealed to be a book, it’s titled “Extra Ordinary: My life as Number 7”. There’s also a gash, and one or two deep holes in the book like it had been speared. 

“You can have it,” Diego tells them- or well, Klaus. “I was going to burn it, but whatever.”

Diego’s face takes on a slightly embarrassed expression for a second before he continues, “I uh, might have gotten a bit upset, and uh, some knives may have been thrown. Don’t worry about it.”

Well, that certainly explains the gashes.

“ _Danke_ , Diego,” Klaus says from where he’s sprawled, scooping up the book and placing it into his bag.

“It won’t be popular though, right?” Ben asks Klaus, surely it won’t be, and then no one will know. Sure, the Umbrella academy had had some fame in its hey-day, but it had barely left the city and had fizzled out after ~~Ben died~~ the missions stopped.

“Hey Diego?” Klaus calls out, “If you don’t want a drink-”

“No, I fucking do not,” Diego says, and he’s stopped sounding sad now and just sounds pissed off.

“Whatever- your loss, well,” Klaus sighs, as if what he’s about to ask is going to pain him, “Do you want me to stay the night? God it feels weird asking that. Normally it’s the other way around, like you know- it’s not me offering up the sex and the place- it’s them and like-”

“Klaus, _please_ , stop telling our brother about your sex life. I’m scarred enough,” Ben interrupts his brother, face palming.

Diego doesn’t say anything doesn’t move, and of course. Their brother probably thinks _asking_ for Klaus or comfort or anything makes him _weak_. Sometimes Ben forgets how many bad and stupid habits his other siblings have too because Klaus is such a disaster.

“You know he’s never gonna admit to that Klaus, this is _Diego_.” Ben tells him, and Klaus nods in response, because Klaus may not be the _best_ brother- but Ben knows he still cares about Diego.

“Well, too bad.” Klaus sing songs out, “I can’t be bothered to take the bus _all_ the way back to Michael’s, oh my god. Also, I need food because I didn't eat lunch and it’s like nearing six, and I’m getting cranky.”

Ben watches amused, and kinda touched? as Klaus starts attempting to drag Diego to his feet.

“Let’s go to Griddy’s and leave this-” here Klaus pats his bag which contains the damned book which has put Diego into this state, “- and you’ll pay for my meal, and then I can come back and get drunk and we’ll bitch about girls and make this a real slumber party. How about it?”

Diego’s on his feet now, but he’s still looking unsure and Ben can tell Klaus is just going to keep wheedling.

“I told you D, I really, cannot be _assed_ to go back on that bus tonight, and you do _not_ want a hungry cranky me in your house. I’ve been told I’m annoying when I’m hungry, probably by you.”

“I always told you that you were annoying back in the academy,” Diego points out but he’s slowly starting to move, and Ben wants to hug Klaus for doing this. For not being so fucking selfish for once, for giving a shit, for finally starting to pay Diego back for all the favours he’s done that neither of his brothers know about.

“Yeah, and I was definitely hungry at least _one_ of those times,” Klaus retorts moving towards the door.

There’s just one wrinkle.

“You should call Michael, Klaus. You need to tell him that you’re not going to be home tonight, he’ll worry about you,” Ben says, meaning it. It’s not just that he doesn’t want Klaus to screw this relationship up, _Ben_ likes Michael, thinks he’s a genuinely good guy. It doesn’t seem fair to him to leave him floundering like this.

Klaus just flaps his hand and says later, and Ben’s really going to try to hold him to it, he just hopes this reluctance is because Klaus is more preoccupied with Diego right now. Not for any other reason.

As they finally leave Ben takes one last look around the room. It seems different from last time. There’s a little row of radios- scanners- stacked up on a desk and Diego’s old domino is laying out. Maybe nostalgia brought on from Vanya’s book, and Ben puts it out of his mind.

It was scruffier than usual too, with pieces of newspaper and pictures laying around, but judging by the state of Diego when they had found him Ben doesn’t find it too unorthodox.

All these pictures though, and there are none of Eudora. There’s even a copy- a pair- of the one of Diego and Klaus at Griddy’s- but no Eudora.

Ben feels a stab of worry at how Diego’s _really_ doing outside of this all, but then he thinks about Klaus, and Michael, and he puts it out of his mind.


	22. Arson: Part 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see hah, oops.
> 
> Really hoping to wrap up this mini arc in the next chapter or two! (then it's just the other 2 sub-arcs and then canon!)  
> Let me know if you see any mistakes and please do feel free to leave a comment. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

They’re on their way back to Michael’s- Michael’s _and_ Klaus’ (even if it’s only Michael’s name on the lease), sitting on the bus.

Ben had watched as Diego and Klaus spent the evening eating waffles, bitching about Vanya and Klaus downing copious amounts of alcohol before falling asleep. He’d definitely seen Diego slip out at some point, and thought he’d seen him return very early in the morning when he’d stashed something in a drawer before joining Klaus in sleep.

Ben also thought he’d seen Diego limping, but it was hard to tell, and it’s hard to really focus on anything when Klaus is asleep, or high, or drunk. Besides, he’d seemed fine for Klaus in the morning.

Klaus _had_ in fact given Michael a quick call on the phone upstairs, briefly explaining he had to deal with a “less handsome and much more upset brother”, and that he’d be back in the morning before hanging up.

So sitting on the bus, Ben feels tense. Because Michael’s talked about family- his mum and his sister back in Italy, and his plethora of cousins, and his homophobic aunt who his mother loves to mock.

Klaus hasn’t said anything- in fact Ben’s got a niggling feeling Klaus _very_ strongly implied- if not said- that he’s got no family. He’d met Michael while in a rough patch with Diego after all. Now Ben’s worried about where all the cards are going to fall.

* * *

Michael’s _baking_ when they get back to the apartment, Ben can smell it from the door. That’s- Michael cooks a lot sure, and he’s brilliant at it. This though, baking? It smells like stress. Michael’s humming some tune that Ben vaguely recognises, and normally it would be niggling him far more- but at the moment he’s more focused on the fact that it seems Michael is trying to keep everything calm.

Ben would blame him if he was hurt, upset or mad at Klaus. They’re expressions Ben feels often in regard to his brother, and frankly he’s a little hurt on both ~~his~~ Diego’s and Michael’s behalf on Klaus’ refusal to talk about his family.

“Heyyyy, honey bun!” Klaus calls out as they enter the apartment- practically skipping through the door. It would all be normal except that Ben can feel the false levity, can see it in the way that Klaus keeps reaching back to touch the backpack which contains the leftover vodka, but more importantly Vanya's book.

Ben can’t blame him, he’s itching to get at it himself, to finally see what secrets it contains. He has a _right_ to know, just as much as his brothers.

He pushes down the small part of him that asks if he actually _wants_ to know what it contains- there will be no going back after this, he’ll always know exactly what Vanya said, and there will be no denial left, no way to stick his head in the sand.

“Hey yourself,” Michael returns once they enter the kitchen. There’s silence while he bends over to pull something out of the oven, leaving the bowl of mixture on the bench. Klaus promptly sidles over to it.

Ben rolls his eyes affectionately, Klaus is nothing if not predictable, but still keeps them aimed at Michael instead of Klaus.

Then it comes- what he was waiting for.

“How was your brother? Is he doing any better now? Family’s important- well the _good_ ones.” Michael returns, and there is a short awkward pause.

“Well I mean, that’s what I always say at least- but you’ve heard- I just mean, my mum and sister? Legends. My aunt-” Michael cuts off his babbling to spit at the floor, “-so I just hope he’s good? Do you guys get on well, it’s just you’ve never mentioned him and I-, well. I guessed I just assumed you didn’t have any- but don’t take this the wrong way but-”

“He’ll- my brother, Diego- he’ll be alright. Nothing seems to faze him much,” Klaus interrupts waving his hand.

Well that’s not true, Ben distantly wonders if _Klaus_ believes that. Although, to be fair, it had taken Ben a while to really pick up just how much Diego gives a crap about Klaus- about _family_ \- probably why this _book thing_ had hit their brother so hard.

On the Michael front, he seems to be a mixture of hurt and trying to be understanding. Which, frankly, is a pretty stellar reaction to the whole situation.

He’s told Klaus- and by extension Ben- all about his mother (mamma), and little sister Chiara who’s sixteen (hopefully she has more luck in aging than Ben did). How he’s got to call home every week or “mamma will come all the way over the ocean to come shout at me. She’d be perfectly polite to you though.” 

The small town he’d grown up in, and how his mother had pointedly talked about how wonderful his ex-boyfriend was at family dinners- much to the consternation of Aunt Bella. A homophobic prick to put it lightly in Ben’s own opinion.

Michael’s shared all of this with them both, and Ben sometimes, when he’s feeling especially optimistic can almost envision it as Michael trying in his own naive and young and _hopeful_ way attempting to draw Klaus into the family.

Klaus though, Klaus hasn’t given a crumb, nor a morsel. It almost rankles that Ben knows Michael so well and Michael doesn’t even know that Ben ~~existed~~ _exists._

But that’s typical Klaus isn’t it? His brother’s always been a taker not a giver. ~~Maybe it’s why he and Diego click so well.~~

Michael is dealing with this far better than Ben thinks he would in his shoes- that Klaus has a family, and a brother at the very least that he keeps in touch with. To give Klaus some credit though, their family is _beyond_ fucked up, trying to explain it would be…. Interesting.

“You know you owe him an explanation, right?” Ben says, folding his arms and leaning back against the counter, trying to portray himself as removed and certain. Make it seem like he doesn’t have an emotional stake in this conversation.

Besides, he’s _right_. Shame him and Klaus never really seem to agree on that. Apparently, Ben’s no fun, if you ask Ben Klaus is just a body consisting of bad decisions wrapped up in flamboyant flair.

“Yeah,” Klaus draws out, and Ben can’t tell who he’s talking to. “So the family thing Micha-licious, well, you seeeee,” Klaus draws out the word see too, making it obnoxious and clearly trying to stall for time, he eyes Ben hopefully.

Fuck the man is an idiot. But whatever, Ben’s got no problems with trying to save this relationship.

“Just tell him you don’t really get on with our family. And that it’s complicated- just say the truth. Maybe don’t mention you’ve been secretly meeting up with Diego for a few months- or do. You’re a grown man.”

“So, Diego. Well he called me crying, and the man _never_ cries- hello toxic masculinity’s number one guy! So I thought I better check that out. He’s all good now though!” Klaus blurts out, clearly seeing Michael move to interrupt.

“My family is full of bitches though, especially one of them,” and his brother’s voice takes on an extra smug tone here, “always telling me to be more _sensible_ , so boring.” When Michael’s eyes are once more securely focused on the mixing bowl Ben sees Klaus stick his tongue out and he flips off his brother in response.

“But yeah, apparently my sister is an extra bitch, so yeah. Didn’t notice that as kids, but then again there were _seven_ of us.”

“ _Seven_ siblings?” Michael asks sounding shocked, and Ben smiles a bit, that’s always a fun one to whip out.

“Yeah, won’t bore you with their names,” Klaus tosses out casually, “Mum’s nice enough, not sure if she’s all quite, _there_ , though, to be completely honest.”

Well that’s, eh, Ben can’t quite say it’s inaccurate. She’d been better than Reginald (hardly difficult) but also a robot.

“Dad was a piece of shit, and when he dies, I’m going to call Diego and drag him out to go on a bar crawl with me.” Klaus continues, half sarcastic. “So yeah, that’s my family.”

Ben sees Michael reach out to hug Klaus’ shoulder, “We don’t need shit fathers, I’ll come spit on his grave if you want. So, Diego what’s he-” Klaus cuts him off though.

“Well I’m beat, we basically stayed up all night-” emphatically not true, Ben can confirm “- so I’m going to catch a good nap. All this smells delicious by the way.”

Ben turns away as Klaus leans in for a kiss which turns a tad too passionate for his comfort as unseen voyeur brother.

* * *

“You slept at Diego’s,” Ben tells them once they’re in the bedroom with the door shut. “He really loves you,” ~~thinks he loves you his mind says cynically~~ , “You shouldn’t shut him out.”

“You’re telling me that you’re not just positively _itching_ to read what got Diego into such a tizzy!” Klaus says dramatically. “Such a great read, one I thought should really be done in private little bro. But if you don’t want to read then why don’t you go and hang with Michael hmm?”

Oh fuck off Klaus, he thinks, but his brother has him there. So instead of saying anything he settles down on the bed beside him and watches as Klaus pulls the book out of his bag.

_Extra-ordinary_ , it says on the cover. It’s simple.

“Flip it over,” Ben asks, “I want to read the blurb first.” He can feel his heart beating and racing in his chest. In all the loops where he knows Vanya’s written the book he’s never had a chance to read it.

“Sure,” Klaus says, “and we can start with _your_ chapter. At least Vanya liked _you_.”

* * *

Klaus is still flicking through the book, gone back to chapter 4. Ben can’t get his eyes to focus though. He’d stopped really paying attention very early on. It’s, he _can’t_ ~~doesn’t want to~~ reconcile this Vanya with the young girl he’d known.

But that’ the thing isn’t it? They’d been kids when he’d died, when Klaus had left. People change.

Ben’s no fucking martyr.

Ben’s no fucking saint.

His siblings hadn’t been _villains_.

If Ben is a little less charitable than he truly wants to be he could think of several unflattering things to say about Vanya in their youth. But she’d been- she _is_ his sister.

And yet, it makes him feel sick to think that this is just floating around out there. It’s bad enough that his death had been public and known when it had happened. Now it’s plastered over the pages of this book and his siblings’ grief along with it.

They hadn’t cried, just got on like soldiers Vanya had said. She’d felt all isolated and alone.

That’s wrong. They’d all cried, they’d all fucking cried in their beds at night alone and scared of the consequences.

None of them had reached out for each other despite Ben desperately hoping that they would.

Diego had seen the beautiful picture of a dead Ben with guts everywhere, red blood drenching everything, his body barely held together. Even a sliver or two of the dead horror.

Their _father_ had naturally demanded this all be fucking _reported_ , debriefing, mission reports.

Distantly Ben wonders if Vanya remembers all of this, or whether she’d gone back to read up on them.

Either way, it’s out there now. _Ben_ feels sick reading about it, and sure it had happened to him, but he’d never been able to see the aftermath.

He thinks about Klaus reading this, about Diego who had fucking _found_ him.

_Bitch_ , Diego had called her. Ben doesn’t like- doesn’t want- it feels off, wrong calling her that, his sister. But…

Let him put it this way. He’s beyond rage, at Vanya, at Diego. Now he just feels numb.

He thinks about a past version of Klaus reading this book and refusing to let Ben see what had been written on the pages. He’d thought it was pettiness or some weird attempt at overprotective coddling. He sees now that it had been a service.

He laughs.

It startles Klaus who turns around and jumps to look at him. Klaus looks at him as if just realising that Ben hadn’t moved for the past however many pages. As if he just realised Ben got to read the graphic description of his own death.

He likes to tell himself he’s over it by this many times through. Apparently not.

“Diego wasn’t overreacting about this was he?” Klaus says kindly, then sighs and reaches for the bottle and a half vodka still left in the bag.

Ben doesn’t protest, doesn’t mention that needing to cope with emotions with alcohol is bad, doesn’t praise the virtues of sobriety.

The selfish part of him wants the mindless bliss that goes with a hammered Klaus, the bliss that accompanies the ghost part of him fading out.

Anyway, Ben’s pretty sure Klaus _knows_ , he’s just equally sure Klaus doesn’t _care_.

“No, I don’t think he was.”

The few minutes he has left before it all goes hazy, he sits trying to work out where it all went wrong with his sister.


	23. Arson: Part 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see ahah, sorry oops.  
> One more chapter (I pray) and then this sub arc of arson is done and we can move onto murder!  
> Please do let me know if you enjoyed it or what you think by leaving a comment or if you see any glaring mistakes.  
> Gonna be a long time til the next update sorry, uni and all.

Ben comes back to himself very gradually which tends to mean one thing. He turns to look at Klaus who has started twitching under the covers and lets out a small groan.

Yep, Klaus is _very_ hungover.

“Go drink some water,” Ben says after he lets Klaus have a grace period of moaning about his head. It gets old, and while Ben can appreciate the merits of a good moan it’s more helpful for Klaus to just actually drink something he reckons.

Ben follows Klaus through the apartment, far more gracefully than his brother who’s stumbling about and into the kitchen. The kitchen where Michael’s sitting at the table drinking coffee and reading the paper.

Ah, suddenly Ben wishes he’d gone ahead to scout out.

“Oh, hey Michael,” Klaus says, sounding about as hungover as he looks frankly, “So I had a _lot_ to drink last night- you probably noticed, yeah sorry about that- I,” Klaus pauses, rubs at his temples, “Water and grease and then we can talk- I promise you hun. Just can’t right now.”

Ben smiles at that because wow yeah, and Michael gives a nod.

“I’ll make you some bacon and eggs if you like, I haven’t eaten yet either,” Michael tells Klaus, and there’s what looks like the beginnings of a small _real_ smile on his face again- not like last night.

“I’m proud of you, you know Klaus,” Ben pipes up once his brother has folded over at the kitchen table and Michael’s bustling around. “But seriously, you’re letting people in, Diego, Michael, it’s- I’m _glad_ okay.” He could say more, like how he worries that Klaus tries to separate himself from other people, even ~~especially~~ people that care about him, but he doesn’t. Doesn’t want to freak Klaus off with so many _genuine_ emotions.

Klaus is a lot, and he’s emotional sure, but it’s mostly a facade. The real stuff is far rarer.

It’s mostly silent as the three men hover in the kitchen, the sizzle of the pan and Klaus’ semi-obnoxious gulping the only sounds in the apartment.

When Michael slips a plate full of bacon and eggs in front of his brother before sitting down to eat some himself Ben is surprised to see that Klaus doesn’t instantly launch himself into it. He can guess why though. The sooner the eating is over the sooner they have to talk.

“You can do this.” Ben tells him, some attempt at motivation. He tries to make it seem as assured as possible and hopes it doesn’t fall flat- hopes that Klaus doesn’t fall flat.

It’s agony waiting for Klaus to finish eating, and he’s not sure who is the most tense ‘round the table. Him, Michael or Klaus. Frankly he’s not sure how either of the two men are eating, Ben’s stomach would be twisted up into knots if he still had one, he’s sure.

Then again Klaus knows better now than to turn up a free meal- and Ben to let him. The last however fucking long has been a cruel mistress.

Klaus drops his fork at last, artfully carelessly and the clang of metal against ceramic rings out loud in the tense silence. Ben lets Klaus take one more obnoxiously loud gulp out of his cup before turning to his brother.

“It’ll be easier if you just rip it off like a band aid.” He hopes that’s true, personally and a little selfishly Ben just doesn’t think he can bear any more of this fucking tension.

“Hah hah, where to start…” Klaus mumbles clearly stalling. Ben fixes him with a supportive but firm stare.

“Okay jeesh, okay umm what do you know about the Umbrella Academy?” Klaus says at last glance flitting around and not focusing on Michael or Ben for more than a moment. Ben wishes he was tangible so he could grip his brother’s shoulder but can’t help that feel having his ghostly hand resting would just somehow make everything worse.

“The Umbrella Academy?” Michael repeats sounding confused and as if he’s testing the words out uncertainly. Which is odd, for a New Yorker…

  
  


Though not so odd for a New Yorker who’s only been living in New York let alone the US since after the Umbrella Academy folded.

Klaus is floundering to his left, clearly confused and not sure how to continue, “You Know, kids, school uniforms and-”

“Italian Klaus,” Ben interrupts as quick as he can after realising himself, “He was in Italy when we were active, probably never heard.”

A look of comprehension dawns over his brother’s face, “ohhhhhhhhhh,” Klaus draws out.

“Right of course, you didn’t grow up here, right. So uh there was this _superhero_ -” Ben can practically feel the disdain dripping there- “team of kids say ten years ago they started maybe? Anyway, they all had these like wacky powers and fought bank robbers, all very boring blah blah blah.” Klaus rushes over the details as fast as he can like he’s trying to run away from the very words he’s saying.

“Anyway, they folded, and all had Number codenames and what have you. You are now looking at the one and only number 4!” Klaus waves his hands in the air in some twisted form of celebration.

Michael for his part looks dumbfounded and shocked, like he can barely believe his ears. The expression starts morphing to hurt in front of Ben’s own eyes and he guesses it’s something hard to swallow if you weren’t brought up knowing about it all.

It still hurts Ben to see Michael seemingly discrediting Klaus, and it hurts him to see Michael hurting.

“Diego- my brother from yesterday was Number 2- so naturally he likes to think he’s _older_ or something,” Klaus continues blissfully on seemingly unaware of Michael’s expressions- which make sense when Ben sees his brother has his eyes screwed shut as if trying to push through it.

“Anyway, our sister- not an official part of the team, an unknown number 7, wrote a book exposing all our secrets and published it and he’d just found it.”

Klaus breaks off here, probably remembering everything Vanya had written and Ben very determinedly focuses on how Michael’s expression has shifted once more from confused anger to sympathetic interest instead of how his own _sister_ had described his death.

“Let us say it took a lot of alcohol to get through that. And Diego doesn’t drink, or cry, or really talk to me all that much. Well we talk _now_ , but like I think he’s ashamed of me and he’s such a goody two shoes and he hates people so I wouldn’t introduce you and-”

Ben would like to argue that Diego’s not ashamed of Klaus, but he’s not entirely convinced that it’s true. Especially not in this timeline where Klaus and his drug habit are partially responsible for Diego losing his job.

It bothers him that Klaus seems to think that this means that Diego doesn’t love him though. And god knows Diego would definitely want to meet Michael.

If he thought Klaus would let him at least.

“You don’t have to explain why you didn’t introduce us,” Michael breaks in, cutting Klaus ‘ rant and bringing Ben out of his musings. “It still would have been nice to know he existed though if you’ve been visiting him. I love you, and people who love each other tell each other things.” and that’s a current of hurt running clear.

“Well you know me,” Klaus says shrugging, “I’m just a bit of an asshole.”

Ben could strangle him right here right now because this is no moment to deflect. There are thousands of good reasons, like the fact that he’d been on the outs with Diego when he’d met Michael. Like the fact that bringing Diego up meant dredging up depths of painful and complicated memories. Michael is trying, is it so much that Ben wants Klaus to try too?

“Don’t you fucking- don’t you fucking _dare_ do this now Klaus,” Ben hisses from his side, “Don’t play the asshole, don’t deflect he’s is _trying_ and how you’ve been treating him is fucking _rich_. I know it’s sometimes _hard_ for you, but Jesus just be honest okay?”

Klaus clenches up besides him and Ben doesn’t even feel bad.

“I’ll give you the book,” Klaus says after a pause, flair gone and voice flat. “Only read chapter 4 and-” here Klaus turns to give Ben a look as if asking for permission. He feels his throat clench up at the idea of someone- even Michael- reading through his death and having to look them in the eye and desperately shakes his head.

“And chapter 6,” Klaus continues smoothly, “Wouldn’t be fair to the brothers and sisters- not that _she_ cared much,” Klaus says in more of a hiss.

Ben’s still stressing, still stressing because Michael will know and-

“You were the one bigging up _honesty,_ Ben,” Klaus whispers breathy barely audible.

Then he abruptly stands up.

“Come find me if you have questions but I can’t be in the same room as you while you read it, so I’ll go get it and then I’m going to go out.”

“Enjoy I guess.” 

Klaus is up and gone before they can hear what (if) Michael said anything in return.

* * *

“So what, you’re going to run off and get high so you don’t have to process?” Ben asks, a little bitter, once they’re out of the building. It’s harsher than he tries to be these days, but all he’s thinking is that Michael’s going to know all about his death, and if he reads Klaus’ chapter and puts 2 and 2 together he might know that Ben is always there.

He prays not.

He vaguely wonders whether Michael will read all the chapters, or at least about Diego, will his curiosity overcome him?

“I’m going to go and get high so I don’t have to listen to your fucking _nagging_ and because frankly I think I deserve some fun time Ben. Jesus, always being such a killjoy, haven’t I had a nasty two days, I want a little enjoyment.”

“You didn’t have the right to tell him to read my chapter,” Ben tells his brother, shaking a little.

“Jeesh, see what I mean about the nagging?” Klaus laughs, a tinkling jagged little thing. “You’re the one who’s always going on about communication and honesty anyway.”

They walk along with Ben seething in silence for a block until a thought hits Ben.

“If you wanted to tell him about me you could have just used your own fucking words Klaus.” He’s not sure if he wants to be right about this or to be wrong. Not sure which would hurt more.

“God the shutting up Ben’s nagging juice can not come soon enough,” Klaus shoots back, rolling his eyes and grinning a little before shoving his earphones in, clearly signalling his lack of desire to listen to Ben.

Ben could probably shout but Klaus has always been good at ignoring him.

Klaus doesn’t take them out again until he’s high as a bird and Ben vaguely thinks that they’re at the duck pond.

He thinks he’s meant to be mad at Klaus but he can’t quite place about what.

He feels like he’s floating just like the ducks on the water and vaguely wonders about Michael.

* * *

Klaus is still a little high when they go back to the apartment a few hours later. Ben can tell because he’s still not entirely back to himself, but Klaus is good at covering so he doubts Michael will be too bothered.

Ben almost regrets that Klaus is sobering up though, because he is starting to feel sick himself at the thought of facing Michael, the idea that Michael might know of his existence and has been able to read all about his death.

It’s one thing facing Diego and Klaus and knowing they know- because they’d _been_ there. It’s different when it’s someone who knows but hadn’t known him, hadn’t been in that bank.

He- he’s not sure if he can do this.

That’s when he decides, it’s not like he _has_ to follow Klaus everywhere. Sure he has to be near but even if he’s dead _fuck_ this and _fuck_ Klaus for telling Michael to read his chapter despite saying no.

Klaus has plenty of not so complimentary things to say about Vanay that Ben’s not sure how he feels about but by Klaus’ own logic some of these could be applied to his own brother.

He can see Michael still sitting at the kitchen table where they’d left him, the book is closed on the desk but Ben thinks he makes out a stack of paper. Did he make _notes_? Is this like _fiction_ to him?

What if Michael has _questions_? He can’t do this, it doesn’t matter how long it’s been since the first time or the most recent time or how many times it has happened.

It’s his death and it’s painful and bloody and tragic every single time.

Sometimes he’s not sure what’s worse, the pain in his stomach from the Horror, the pain in his ears from Klaus’ screaming, or the pain in his chest from hearing Diego’s shoes coming in just too late each and every time.

He stops stock still where he’s standing behind Klaus having refused to engage with him the entire time they’ve been out. His brother probably just thinks it’s because he’s high, probably been loving the silence. 

Sometimes Ben thinks he might hate him.

“So I guess onwards to the kitchen huh Benny-boy?” Klaus asks him after they’ve stalled in the door way for a few moments.

Ben doesn’t respond, keeps standing stock still mouth firmly shut. He can’t get much but he can have this. If he’s doomed to follow Klaus for eternity and watch him screw up and screw up and then finally now screw Ben up Klaus can feel what it’s like. Some fucking silent treatment is fucking nothing.

“Ben?” Klaus says again, barely a whisper cautious of Michael, “Is this you saying you think I should give him more time?” sounding vaguely hopeful.

And _no_ , that fucking coward no. Ben still refuses to speak but does let out a bitter snort from where he’s holding himself away from his brother.

“Oooo-kay, guess I’m going in then,” Klaus says and makes a motion to move. He pauses when he turns around to see that Ben hasn’t made any kind of move to follow and possibly registers some of the rage and hurt on Ben’s face that he hasn’t bothered to try and hide like he amost always does.

Klaus’ feelings can go and _fuck_ it. If this screws up _this_ run of Klaus’ life then Ben can’t give one.

~~Except he can because then he’ll have to die again and no and no _and no_~~. 

“Don’t you want to know what he thought of you brother bestest?” Klaus asks him cheerfully, “See if maybe he prefers you to me, thinks you’re the better flatmate?”

There are many things Ben could say to that, but he doesn’t want to speak, wants to make Klaus feel like he’s alone when his brother has never really been alone and scared in his life. (This life). Instead he just keeps staring impassively past Klaus while he internally rages that his brother would fukcing _joke_ about this. He doesn’t care that he’s high, that’s he’s young. They’ve never been _that_ young, and Ben had always thought they had some kind of standards. They don’t talk about their life as kids.

Except Vanya has. Maybe Diego has. Klaus has gone and stolen their shit and sold it all.

Maybe Ben’s just got this goddamn rose tinted view of his family and why is he even fucking surprised at this shit.

“Look I did you a favour Ben because now-” Klaus says at last sounding all put upon.

“ _What the fuck.”_ Ben growls out, all statement no question. Because fuck the silent treatment and how _dare_ Klaus say that and-

“Now I can introduce you and he knows you- if he read it he’ll know you’re a ghost and I can see ghosts and that I have a brother and he won’t freak out when we reveal you!” Klaus ends by waving his fingers in some kind of taa da.

Ben could scream but settles for steadily breathing in through his nose sharply instead. Because of course that’s the kind of non-confrontation and stupid self-centred shit Klaus would try and pull. Try to help himself by taking the cowardly way and not caring who it hurts.

It’s just like how he treats Diego so why is he fucking surprised and hurt, he has no reason.

It’s his fucking _death_ that’s why.

But still deep down Ben can appreciate the sentiment, that Klaus is _trying_ that Klaus wants to talk about him, wants people to know. That it’s not just _Diego_ ~~who abandons Klaus~~ that his brother thinks is worthy of Michael knowing.

Klaus is not forgiven, but Ben sighs and sits down on the couch waving Klaus to go on in.

He still can’t bear the thought of facing Michael but some of his anger has abated.

He respects Klaus’ reasoning even if he hates the execution.

* * *

He can’t and doesn’t try to hear most of Michael and Klaus’ conversation if he’s honest.

It feels like eavesdropping and he’s tired and still not entirely back to himself and it’s stress and he’s worried he’ll hear talking about his death and he just can’t.

That’s what he tells himself at least, yet when he hears his name by chance he can’t help but strain his ears as he desperately tries to block it out.

“-Ben’s... brother… dead right?”

Ben shuts his eyes and if he were alive his blood would be rushing through his ears making him dizzy and unable to hear.

It’s not like that being dead.

“I understand you can’t…. Him,” Ben strains himself trying to hear all the words as he hates himself for it. “Ghosts are real? So he might be real, and so maybe his permission doesn’t matter if he’s dead. But the dead are not dead it seems. I just-”

The dead are not dead. Permission. Permission.

Michael is too fucking good for Klaus but then again Ben’s always fucking known that.

  
  


Klaus comes and talks to him later, tells him the barest of bones. Michael knows Diego exists, knows he’s been there for Klaus and knows their relationship is rocky. Knows about the academy, knows about Klaus’ drinking and that might be a problem Ben thinks to himself but doesn’t say.

In the back of his mind Ben starts thinking about packing and the pros and cons of going to Diego. Pros- Diego will definitely put them up at this point in this timeline. Cons- Diego might rent an apartment and _it_ might happen again.

“He didn’t read you chapter by the way- well only maybe a page-” Klaus tells him and Ben nods in ascent because he’d heard that bit- “He doesn’t know you’re kicking around though. Didn’t put it together haha and-”

Klaus keeps talking but Ben ignores it. Because he’d been looking forward to meeting Michael and now he won’t and of course Klaus is too fucking cowardly to tell him and now if Ben is brought up that will cause all kind of issues about the invisible third guy living in this apartment.

Ben likes Michael though, so maybe it’s good he never has to learn if Michael likes him back.

“Anywayyy,” Klaus draws out, “You might want to vacate the bedroom tonight, And the corridor. Just letting you know.”

Ben rolls his eyes at that because it’s so typically Klaus.

He’s still not really forgiven his brother for trying to let Michael read about his own fucking death and he still doesn’t know exactly how much Michael had read and he doesn’t _want_ to know because then he will have to relive the memories himself.

Some time to himself tonight might do him some good. Some time pointedly thinking about good times with Vanya or Diego and not banks or blood or books.

“I’m glad you sorted things with Michael,” Ben says, because he is and it’s the only nice thing he has to say to Klaus right now.

Forget reminiscing on good times, if things aren’t as sorted as Klaus is making out they need alternative housing plans and pronto.

Good thing Ben has years of experience to draw on- it’s why he can’t let himself relax with Michael even if he’s shown himself to be good.

You can’t ever really count on anyone but yourself- Ben is Klaus own ghostly spirit and he can’t count on Klaus.

Michael is a good man but Ben has been burned. Diego is a good man too.


	24. Arson: Part 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya *waves* I'm back, happy new year all, and I'm really sorry about the massive wait, but then I fell down a landfill of a different fandom, and things happened and....  
> I wish I could tell you next chapter would be sooner, but that's unlikely. Though I will still write it dw!  
> Hope you enjoy.

PART 8

One week later, Ben watches as Klaus very deliberately affixes a photo frame to the wall of the living room. It’s surrounded by pictures of Klaus and Michael and Michael and his family.

Now a lone (and young) Diego and Klaus peer out at the apartment as well.

“Didn’t I look handsome?” Klaus asks Michael when the other man comes home, fluttering his eyelashes all the while as he none too subtly leads Michael over to the picture wall.

“Glad you got the better brother!” Klaus had also added while Ben snorted in a highly undignified manner in the background at how patently obvious Klaus was being.

Klaus had practically choked himself howling when Michael had just raised an eyebrow and said perhaps, he’d have to upgrade Klaus before planting one on his brother.

Ben had politely averted his eyes and made mock retching noises before excusing himself. Klaus had no shame, so Ben had to have enough shame for the both of them.

But it’s later now and Ben is just so glad that Klaus and Michael are getting along, and Klaus still seems to be opening up. Even if he doesn’t want Michael and Diego to meet- and considering the amount of knives Diego would be likely to bring Ben can’t say he blames him. It’s still heartening and warming to know that Klaus is trying to be more open.

It’s making Ben feel more secure and happier for Klaus than ever. He’s even planning and practicing his speeches on why and how Klaus should try to find some form of employment and try and just fucking _settle_.

Klaus and Diego had avoided contact for a few weeks after… well the book incident as Ben terms it. But ultimately Klaus sugar cravings had kicked in (or so he’d said) and he’d phoned up Diego demanding waffles as some form of younger brother owed goods.

Where were _Ben’s_ waffles then? He’d asked Klaus all the while. Apparently, ghosts don’t have rights- only lefts. Prick, whatever.

Point is, things are going good, and it’s good, and it’s _good._

* * *

It’s going so well, and Ben knows he’s found a goldmine in Michael. But it’s better than that now- it’s better because Ben doesn’t just like Michael for what he does for Klaus, but he actually likes _him_ , and Klaus even seems to be letting him in.

Except that Ben forgot that he was fate’s chew toy (or maybe it’s Klaus, or maybe it’s both of them.)

The phone in the apartment rings while Klaus is engaging in some mild day drinking on the couch.

Ben has no idea what the voice on the other side of the line is saying but it must be _bad_ because it causes Klaus to drop the bottle and start scrambling for his keys while keeping the phone tucked between his ear and his shoulder.

“What is it?” he asks his brother, alarmed beyond what he’s felt for a while. “ _Klaus._ ”

Klaus just shakes his head, “Yeah I’ll be there as soon as I can, yeah, okay. Yeah, mmmhmm,” Finally he puts down the phone.

“Michael’s in the hospital,” Klaus says a bit blankly, “There was a fire at his- someone- oh _god_.”

“Oh _god_ ,” Ben echoes, wishes he could reach out to console his brother but instead stands awkwardly as he watches Klaus blink rapidly.

“.... are you going to go?” he asks after a while. When it looks like Klaus is buffering, stagnating, standing silent and mostly still other than his fluttering eyelids. “ _Klaus_ ,” he repeats firmly.

“Oh right,” Klaus says awkward and sounding deeply uncomfortable, “The hospital. Right, of course.” Finally, his brother seems to pull himself together, grabbing a coat and- stiltedly- walking out of the apartment.

“I’m going to get a taxi,” Klaus says once they’re in the corridor, “That sounds reasonable right? Because he’s in hospital, why would I take the bus?” there’s a tinkling laugh that sets off all of Ben’s alarms and his brother darts back into the apartment where the phone is.

“Klaus…” he says again, unsure and suddenly deeply conscious of his uselessness, his inability to really take charge of the situation. Guiltily grateful that he doesn’t have to.

“Klaus, breathe, call a taxi and then wait,” he says once he sees Klaus eying up the bottle, he had been drinking out of a bit too eagerly. He hovers, attempting to be a reassuring presence while Klaus laughs down the phone, though there’s a strain evident in his voice. Once he hangs up his brother flops down onto the couch and starts swigging out of the bottle.

“ _Klaus,_ ” he says pointedly and a little angry. “Klaus, _get up_ and go downstairs.” He’s greeted with an eyeroll for his efforts.

“I might as well finish this before the taxi comes, Benny boy,” Klaus mumbles around the neck of the bottle.

Gritting his teeth Ben holds his silence, slightly afraid that more nagging might push Klaus to take out _another_ bottle, and then _another_ if only to piss him off. He knows his brother is scared, and he knows Klaus gets defensive and angry.

True to his word though, Klaus finishes the bottle and then seems to drag himself together another to get off the couch and walk to the entrance of their apartment building to wait for the taxi to arrive.

When they get out of the taxi Ben watches as Klaus winks at the taxi driver before paying his fair. There’s the roar of an engine behind them, and the large building stretching up in front of them.

Ben doesn’t need to be psychic to know what Klaus is thinking. Hospitals are full of dying people, and dead people, and people who _had_ died there. It’s the last thing that his brother is concerned about, and frankly Ben’s hardly a massive fan of it either.

“I’ll be there with you,” Ben tells his brother encouragingly, watching as Klaus flops dramatically. “Michael will be there too, and you’re _fucking_ drunk,” he adds, “They can’t be _that_ bad.”

Klaus laughs a little at him, then he starts to laugh a lot and Ben feels second-hand discomfort.

“Klaus,” he says a little irritated, “Go in there or you’ll regret it. You don’t want to delay.” He thinks of their other brother, too late to save Ben bleeding out on the floor of the bank. Michael’s _not_ going to die, he’s going to be fine, so Ben doesn’t need to think like that. He can’t entirely help where his mind takes him though.

Klaus sighs, something gusty and dramatic, big and loud in all the ways his brother tries to be. Then he finally starts walking into the hospital and up to the information desk.

“I’m here for a Michael- uh,” Klaus flounders and looks at him desperately, something shifts in Ben’s gut a little.

“Rossetti,” Ben provides.

“Rossetti,” Klaus continues smoothly. “I’m his boyfriend- and emergency contact- Klaus Hargreeves.” Ben watches as Klaus drums out a pattern on the countertop, and beams at the young woman in charge. Her face takes on a shuttered look.

For his part, Ben watches the young boy standing alone in the corner with a piece of rebar stuck in his gut.

“I’m sure you’re aware he’s very critically injured. If you could take a seat, then I’ll let his doctor know you’re waiting.”

Klaus nods jittery at her, and then Ben follows him to a seat.

There’s an old woman moaning a few seats down and no one pays her any mind. Ben waves at her but gets no response back. The thing about hospitals is that sometimes you don’t know who the ghosts _are_.

Klaus is looking around and shaking, seemingly terrified that someone’s going to take notice of him, that a ghost is going to come up and start screaming or asking or begging. Ben shuffles stand in front of Klaus so that his body blocks his eyes.

“Just look at me,” he mutters quietly, wary of attracting the attention of other ghosts. He watches as Klaus’ knuckles whiten from where they’re clenched on his knees. There aren’t many others around, and those that are there are pretty thin- shaky. Probably thanks to the alcohol, and maybe Ben’s secretly a little glad.

Thankfully they’re not waiting for long, long enough for Klaus to start spiralling clearly, but Ben doesn’t dare say anything. For his own part his mind is a whirlwind of thoughts- because Klaus is alive still, so this loop is _fine_ , he’s trying to assess whether he’d redo this- should it come to that.

“Mr Hargreeves?” a feminine voice calls, and Klaus moans a little driving his face down to his knees. “Mr Hargreeves!” she calls a little louder and more insistent, taking a step forward to stand right _inside_ Ben. Shaking down his shudder he calls to Klaus himself.

Ghosts don’t stand inside each other on principle.

“She’s real Klaus, she’s the doctor,” he reassures his brother.

“Can I see him?” his brother asks, looking up at last and sounding slightly desperate. Though for all he’s looking up, Ben can see his eyes are darting around, looking at everything and nothing.

“Come with me,” the doctor says instead, looking a little sad, neither answering nor denying the question. Klaus practically leaps out of his chair to follow her, and Ben lingers behind as always.

She leads them into a small room and invites Klaus to take a seat. Ben perches on the desk while Klaus takes the chair.

“Mr Rossetti’s suffered critical burns to approximately 60% of his body and is also suffering from severe smoke inhalation.” She pauses, and softens her eyes, “I’m sorry Mr Hargreeves, but his situation is looking very serious. We expect he should pull through, but we’re currently holding him in the ICU, and perhaps we should talk about what a recovery might look like.”

She pauses as if to see if Klaus is following along, but one glance at his brother shows that he’s just staring down at his hands.

“ _Klaus_!” he hisses, almost as if on reflex his brother reaches to flip him off.

“Wha- oh, oh yes, doctor,” his brother hums, suddenly chirpy and cheerful. “Recovery?”

“He’s likely to need lots of care and-” Ben is aware that she’s still talking, and he’s even more aware that _he_ should probably be listening because Klaus can’t be trusted, but it still feels like the bottom is dropping out of him. He can see all his carefully laid plans failing right in front of him, can see Klaus’ safety and security draining through his fingers. Nights of sleeping rough and reckless clubbing, Diego slowly losing his mind and hating them both.

It’s like a film playing out in front of him, familiar because he’s seen it so often before.

He’s brought out of his reverie by the sound of scraping chairs and the doctor and Klaus standing up in front of him.

“I can take you to Mr Bianchi now,” she says smoothly, “We can talk more about his recovery when we have a better assessment of his position.”

Ben blinks at the white walls as they walk through the corridors and tries not to get side tracked by the ghosts which only seem to grow in number as they approach the ICU.

“Breathe,” he tries to reassure Klaus, it feels like a futile effort. “Michael’s going to pull through,” he tries instead, in case that’s what Klaus is worried about. Except Ben knows his brother, knows him _very_ well, and by this point would dare to say he knows him better than he knows himself.

Once they step into the ICU Klaus full on body flinches. Ben- Ben doesn’t blame him. It’s bad for him and the alcohol means he doesn’t feel things quite right. He doesn’t actually _want_ to imagine what it’s like for Klaus right now.

“Just go see him, okay. Just for a bit. Lots of people don’t like hospitals but you _have_ to see him.” He tells his brother urgently. Klaus doesn’t respond at all, and Ben isn’t sure if that’s because he’s ignoring him, because he’s distressed, or because there are other people around.

Still eerily silent Klaus slips into an uncomfortable plastic chair beside Michael’s bed and the doctor finally bids them adieu. There’s a box of tissues, and _lots_ of tubes.

Ben and Klaus stare at Michael in horrified silence. Then Ben tries to pull himself together, sees Klaus fiddling with a tissue.

“ _No_ ,” he says, dread bubbling up through his lips. Klaus has written on it, and the ink from the pen has stained the cheap material like blood. Klaus is up and rushing out of there before Ben can say anything else, eyes wet.

_I can’t do this. I’m sorry._

“You absolute _FUCKER!_ ” he shouts, he _screams_ chasing Klaus down the corridor. He doesn’t care about attracting other ghosts at this point, he’s horrified and sickened and _scared_ by what Klaus has just done. “He would have done _anything_ for you! Can’t you do this for _him_?”

Klaus just covers his ears and keeps running, and while normally that would make Ben feel bad, feel protective, it just makes him feel even angrier.

“He _loved_ you, he would have looked after- do you know how long _I’ve_ -” he clamps his mouth shut before he reveals something about the time loops, the resets. Before he reveals how much he’s done for Klaus and exactly _why_ he’s so glad Michael had shown up.

“You treat him just like you treat Diego,” he says instead, even though he doubts his brother is listening. Maybe it’s better that way. “You use him, and use him when it’s going good, but you never want to return the favour.”

“Like how you treat Michael?” Klaus mutters, so quiet that Ben almost wonders if it’s just his own guilty conscience.

It’s not true this time, about Diego, though, and that’s what hits Ben after, like yet another sucker punch to the gut. This time Klaus had forgone his drugs to run to the other end of town and stay with Diego to comfort him. This is a Klaus who actually _does_ care, but maybe not even quite enough.

“Why, Klaus? Just tell me _why?_ ” he beseeches as Klaus starts the long walk back to Michael’s apartment. Eventually he can tell he’s gone too far when Klaus snarls at him and heads into the door of the nearest liquor store, then halts. Ben watches Klaus grin with an uneasy feeling as his brother abruptly turns around and heads to a phone box. Klaus is calling for a taxi.

Ben keeps schtum, hoping that maybe, just maybe, Klaus won’t do whatever it is that he’s got into his mind to do. He keeps quiet the whole taxi ride home again and doesn’t even try to look at him. Out of the corner of his eye he can see that Klaus’ eyes are slightly wet.

Klaus doesn’t head for the apartment when they get back, instead he heads off to the drugstore ‘round the block and Ben watches, afraid, as Klaus pastes on his most normal looking smile. Buys two bottles of cough syrup.

“My boyfriend’s really sick,” Klaus offers up at the mildly dubious look the cashier throws him.

“ _Klaus,_ ” Ben says, not sure if he’s angry, disgusted or scared. Klaus is still ignoring him and doesn’t even offer him a look or attempt to flip him off. It continues the whole way up the flight of stairs, even as Klaus begins to wrest the cap off the first bottle of cough syrup.

“ _Please_ ,” he whispers. The door slams shut behind them, and he watches as Klaus starts grabbing bottles of alcohol, even as he chugs the cough syrup. Alarm is growing.

“ _Klaus_ ,” he says again urgent and desperate, “It’s not- don’t- it’s-” but instead of opening them up his brother just disappears into the bedroom and then comes out clutching his backpack.

Ben stares open mouthed, with sudden dawning understanding that he does not like at all, as Klaus starts throwing in bottles and wrapping them up with some of his clothes.

Only some, because Klaus has built a _life_ here now, and he can’t take all his stuff off in one backpack.

The cough syrup and prior alcohol is clearly starting to hit Klaus because Ben’s really struggling to keep up with anything, even remembering to follow Klaus from room to room requires more mental effort than he’d like. He also suspects Klaus may have taken a snort out of the stash Ben _knows_ he keeps.

He finds Klaus staring at the pictures in the living room in silence. Then Klaus grabs the one of him and Diego, the one Diego had gifted to Klaus (them). His brother fumbles with the clasps before smashing it onto the table and pulling the photo out through the front of the frame. The paper rips slightly, and then Klaus turns to Ben, a dopey look on his face and grins a little.

The photo rips in two. The half with Klaus flutters to the ground where his brother leaves it, and the half with Diego is unceremoniously stuffed in his brother’s bag.

“Just like you said, _Benny_ , I just _use_ Diego dear for my _own_ benefit and never give back. So this is the only bit _we_ need.” Klaus mocks him.

“ _Fuck_ you,” Ben mumbles from where he’s standing, it’s too much effort to say anything more. Then, because surely things can’t get more fucked than this, “ _Why_? I- he- he was _nice_.” Ben thinks he would cry if Klaus were any more sober.

Just for a moment Klaus softens, then he stiffens. “Oh you _know_ , as you always like to _remind_ me. I can’t take care of myself, always relying on you.” Ben looks down as his words are thrown back at him, and he can’t even bring himself to refute them, because they’re _true_.

His brother sighs, a gusty thing. “I can’t look after myself _Ben_ , you’re right. Diego’s right- _Dad_ was right. How the fuck am I meant to look after _anyone else_?” Klaus looks on the verge of tears, and Ben wants to reach out but-

But, words are _hard_. Words, yes. Hard ones. When Ben blinks Klaus is on the other side of the room, already at the door. When Ben blinks again suddenly Klaus is back at the phone.

Ben’s _really_ skipping out. There’s the rustle of paper like Klaus is looking for something, and then there’s the dial of the phone.

“Michael’s been in an accident,” Ben hears, and then some name?

Oh, the name of the hospital. Klaus is saying some other stuff. Is Klaus calling Diego?

“Name?” Klaus says, sounding slightly started after a while. There’s a lot of giggling, but not from him. It’s from him.

“Say I’m number _four_ ,” Klaus laughs, and then there’s a loud bang and the next time Ben blinks they’re standing on the street.

Ben doesn’t bother trying to coordinate his feet and just keeps blinking and being behind Klaus. Eventually they stop in an alley and Klaus starts rustling through the bag.

Ben wants to cry.

Or rather he thinks he would want to cry. He can’t want much of anything like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes the Arson sub arc of arc 4 lmao. As I said, next time is "Murder" which will also probably have a lot of Diego, because boy has that man been up to a *lot* of stuff. I'm almost tempted to write an interlude from his POV just to explain it all, but I like Ben exclusive POV for the confusion so, eh.
> 
> If anyone is still keeping up with this, then thank you! I greatly appreciate it.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [i keep seeing you(again and again)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25788808) by [n0luv](https://archiveofourown.org/users/n0luv/pseuds/n0luv)




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